


Moving On Down Under

by WhyDoIWrite



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Australia, Developing Relationship, Eventual Sex, F/F, Gay Bar, Houston Dash, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, NWSL, Oral Sex, Orlando Pride, Past Relationship(s), Shower Sex, Sydney - Freeform, auswnt, woso - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-23 02:29:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 46,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20332564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDoIWrite/pseuds/WhyDoIWrite
Summary: A chance encounter between Alanna and an American in Sydney leads to a steamy romance and Alanna finally breaking free from her on-again-off-again relationship with Kyah, but not without portentously catastrophic consequences for Alanna’s career as a footballer.





	1. Home is Where the Heart is

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know enough about Alanna and Kyah’s history, or who they’ve been with since, to do a good job with that part, so we’re just gonna go with with it and make it up.

**2019.07.23 **

* * *

The bell on the door jingled as Alanna entered the coffee shop. She was on her way home after a long flight, but had hopped off the train to stop at her favorite place for a soy flat white and an avo toast for brekkie. She was in a foul mood and needed a moment before she went to see her family. On one hand, it was just after 7am, and she didn’t want to get there too early, waking them. On the other, she only had 5 days with her family, her time off during the Pride’s mid-season break, and she was annoyed at the line in front of her. As Alanna stepped inside, ducking out of the blustery Sydney morning air, the last woman in line turned around, her eyes briefly meeting Alanna’s. Just as quickly, the woman was facing forward again.   
  
Alanna shifted her weight from side to side impatiently as she got closer to the register. The woman in front of her ordered, and then, surprisingly, turned back around to Alanna. “What can I get for you?” she asked with an American accent.

“What?” Alanna asked, not understanding. She realized her voice probably sounded harsher than she had intended for it to, and she knew that her face still likely held annoyance, not gratitude and the stranger’s offer.  
But the stranger seemed unfazed. “What can I get for you?” she repeated. Then, gesturing towards the cashier, she added, “He’s waiting for your order. I’m buying your breakfast.” She flashed a smile, and Alanna looked into the most beautiful eyes, light brown with a splash of green, and gold-flecked. 

“Um,” Alanna hesitated before stumbling over her order, which she felt ridiculous for because she always ordered the same thing.

The woman pulled out a credit card to pay, and then turned to find a table. “Enjoy,” she said over her shoulder, smiling at Alanna again. “I hope your day gets better.”  
_ It’s that obvious_? Alanna thought to herself. _God. Why do I let Kyah do this to me?_

Kyah had broken up with her. Again. Alanna couldn’t even count how many times in the past 7 years they had broken up. It felt like they spent more time fighting than they did happy together. This time, the breakup was because Alanna had chosen to spend what little time she had off in Australia with her family instead of visiting Kyah in Houston. In the past, they had broken up because Alanna had refused to keep being the only one making the effort to fly to wherever Kyah was, because Alanna had refused to put in for a transfer out of Orlando, because Kyah had cheated on Alanna. And that had happened more than once. Because of distance. Because of jealously. It was always something._ Why did I even give her another chance? _Alanna screamed to herself, biting her lip and staring up at the ceiling. But things had been so much better as the Matildas neared the kickoff to the World Cup, at least until Kyah was named as an alternate and didn’t travel with the team. Alanna had been so hopeful, but then Kyah became controlling again. When the Matildas were knocked out, Kyah was incredulous that Alanna didn’t take the time off that Coach Skinner had given her to come to Houston. Instead, Alanna spent time with her family exploring Europe, trying to recover mentally from blaming herself for the loss against Norway in the Round of 16. When Alanna refused to use her time off mid-season to visit Kyah, Kyah had said it was the last straw. Angry words were spoken, there was lots of yelling, and frankly, at that point, Alanna felt it wasn’t even worth fighting over. Or for. They weren’t worth fighting for anymore. So she jumped on a plane and flew to Sydney, vowing that whether or not Kyah was done with her, she was done with Kyah for good.

Alanna snapped out of it, spinning around as she tried to spot the woman who had just bought her brekkie. Alanna realized that she hadn’t even thanked her. There she was, in the corner of the cafe. Alanna rushed over, just as their two coffees were delivered. The woman looked up, confused that Alanna’s coffee was delivered to her table, and then even more confused as she saw Alanna standing behind the employee. As he walked off, Alanna put her hand on the back of the empty chair. “May I sit with you?” she asked quietly.

“Of course,” the woman said simply. “But please don’t feel obligated to just because I bought your coffee.”  
“I... I don’t,” Alanna replied. “But why DID you buy me brekkie?” Then, before the woman could answer, Alanna’s voice softened. “I mean, thank you. I should have said that first. I really do appreciate it.”  
“I told you why,” the woman said looking down at her coffee for a moment, her voice still friendly. Then, locking her eyes on Alanna’s, she said, “When you walked in here, I happened to turn around. Your eyes... there was just so much pain and sadness in them. They’re too beautiful for that.” Alanna blushed, but hoped the woman didn’t notice. The woman continued, “I thought it would cheer you up is all. Seemed like you needed a smile on your face, even if it were just briefly. But...” she trailed off, “it doesn’t seem to have worked. I’m sorry.”  
“No!” Alanna exclaimed. Instinctively, she reached down and touched the woman’s hand, which was curled around her coffee cup, with her fingertips. “I really do appreciate it. Really. It was very kind of you.” As their eyes met again, Alanna smiled. It was a genuine smile, not forced, not to appease the stranger who had just been so kind to her. She actually felt some of the tension leave her body in that moment. “Where are you from?” she asked.  
“Texas,” the woman responded. Then, she reached her hand across the table to introduce herself. “I’m Christy.”  
Alanna tossed her head back and let out a sigh. Fucking. Texas. Of course, she thought, but she quickly recovered and shook the woman’s hand. “Alanna,” she said. “What brought you all the way to Sydney?”  
“Vacation,” the woman replied simply. “By yourself?” Alanna queried.  
“Yes. Well it’s a sad story that will take much longer than your breakfast, but yes, by myself.”  
“You don’t mind it?” Alanna asked, not wanting to press too much into the why.  
“I mean, I’d rather be travelling with someone, for sure. I always thought I was an introvert, but it turns out, now that I don’t have anyone to talk to, I guess I’m not. I seriously hate the silence. This place is beautiful, but it’s lonely.”

Alanna could only assume that Christy was travelling alone because of a breakup. After all, that would account for a long, sad story as to why she would be here by herself. At that moment, her avocado toast was delivered, and she excitedly took a picture of it. “For Insta,” she said sheepishly. “Avo toast in Straya is so much better than in America.”  
Christy squinted, confused. “It’s avocado. On toast.”  
Alanna shook her head. “You don’t understand,” she said, cutting into her brekkie. “Here, try this.” She held out her fork to Christy, who looked uncomfortable for the first time, but took the bite. “It’s good,” she said.  
“Good? It’s amazing. Admit it. It’s better than any avocado toast you’ve had in America,” Alanna grinned.  
“It’s delicious,” Christy gave in, laughing. “You’ve had a lot of avocado toast in America to compare it to?”  
“I live there for about half the year,” Alanna said. “I play soccer. Professionally. In Florida.”  
“I know you do,” Christy admitted sheepishly. “I was just giving you a hard time about American avocado toast. I realized who I was offering to buy breakfast for after I offered. By then, it was too late to take it back, but I didn’t want you to think I only offered because I recognized you.”  
“You only offered to buy my brekkie because you knew I was a soccer player!” Alanna exclaimed.  
“No,” Christy retorted, shaking her head, obviously embarrassed. “I seriously only saw your eyes when you came in. I didn’t even think about it. You just seemed so sad and I thought, ‘A cup of coffee might brighten her day.’ That’s it. It wasn’t until I turned back around to ask what you wanted that I realized who you were. And what was I supposed to do at that point?”  
“I’m just joking,” Alanna laughed. “It’s fine. It’s nice to be spotted by an American in my own country, since clearly, no one here knows who I am.”  
“I’m sure they do, the World Cup didn’t end that long ago. They probably just don’t want to fangirl over you and ruin your breakfast. You Aussies seem to be respectful like that. Although...” Christy paused, trying to decide if she should actually finish her sentence. “Every Aussie that I’ve talked to has said they didn’t watch the World Cup, so maybe you’re right.”  
Alanna laughed. “See what I mean,” she said. “Everyone’s about footy here. Not soccer. It takes an American in Sydney to recognize me,” she shook her head. “Do you want some more of my avo toast?” she asked.  
“No, thank you,” Christy said smiling and shaking her head. “I just came here for coffee.”  
“What are you doing the rest of the day?” Alanna questioned.  
“I am going to go to the zoo to do the touristy thing of taking photos of kangaroos and koalas,” Christy replied.  
“Do you have any plans for this evening?” Alanna asked, looking down into her now-empty cup. She had surprised even herself with the question. _What was she doing? _She was sitting across from a complete stranger. And yet, she felt so completely at ease. Her anger had dissipated, her shoulders had relaxed, her jaw had unclenched. This stranger smiled so easily, seemed so genuine, and had such kindness in her eyes. And those eyes, they drew Alanna in. They were all she noticed. She finally looked up, shyly, meeting Christy’s gaze.  
“Not really,” Christy answered. “I shot the bridge last night, it was lit up blue, but I didn’t make it to the Opera House, so I was thinking about trying to catch the light show.”  
“Meet me later,” Alanna blurted out before she could give it a second thought and stop herself. It was statement, not a question. “We can grab dinner and walk around the Harbour,” she said, trying to feign confidence.  
“Yeah?” Christy asked. “You don’t have anything else better to do besides play tour guide?”

“I’m headed to see my family now. My sister and her kids live right outside of Sydney. But I’d love to show you around later. I owe you, anyway.”  
“For breakfast?” Christy said with a half laugh. “You don’t. It was my pleasure to buy breakfast for a star.” The look on her face told Alanna she was joking, but not really. Alanna thought that Christy’s half smile was so endearing.  
“No,” Alanna said matter-of-factly. “For cheering me up. You don’t realize just how bad of a day I was having. And for the past few minutes, I’ve forgotten all about it. I want to thank you for that. It really is a big deal. And I really am an excellent tour guide.” Alanna pointed out the window, down the street. “If you go straight on, you’ll find the Harbor. There are benches right there. Say 5:30?”  
“Ok,” Christy said, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. She couldn’t believe Alanna Kennedy was going to be her tour guide for the evening. “I’ll see you at 5:30.”  
Alanna took Christy’s hand and gave it a brief squeezee. “Ok! Thank you again for brekkie” she said grinning. She got up, turned, and walked out of the cafe, unable to wipe the smile off her face. Behind her, Christy was unable to stop smiling too.


	2. What Am I Doing?

**2019.07.23**

* * *

By the time Alanna had boarded the train to Campbelltown for the hour-long trip home, her smile had faded. The gravity of the entire situation was hitting her. Kyah’s texts were piling up, but she couldn’t bear to look at them. She hated Kyah, but she knew she wasn’t over Kyah. They had too much history. Kyah was her first love. Yet there was this woman who had caught her attention today, whose kindness seemed to run so much deeper than buying a cup of coffee for a stranger. _Why was she so drawn to this woman that she offered to show her around Sydney? And when she had such little time with her family to boot. Was this a date? She was such an emotional wreck right now that she shouldn’t, she couldn’t date anyone. She was scarred. No emotionally healthy woman would deal with her kind of baggage. And Jesus Christ, this woman was an American, who didn’t even live in Florida. It would never work. Why did she even care if it worked? She didn’t even know the woman_. Alanna stared out the window of the train, regretting that she hadn’t asked Christy if she was able to use her cell phone internationally so she could come up with some sort of lie and cancel later. Maybe she’d just not show. They’d never see each other again anyway.

As the train neared the station at Campbellton, Alanna texted her sister to let her know it was time to come pick her up. When Alanna left the station and walked back out into the cool morning, she immediately spotted her sister’s car waiting. She opened the door and climbed in, plopping down on the passenger seat and squeezing her eyes shut. Kayla knew immediately that something was wrong. She leaned over to hug her sister. “Hey sis,” Alanna mumbled.  
“Kyah?” Kayla asked, knowingly.  
“We don’t have to talk about,” Alanna said. “It’s nothing.”  
“We are going to talk about it, Alanna,” Kayla said, turning the car off. “I’m tired of her doing this to you. I’m tired of her making you feel like this.”  
“It’s not about her. We broke up. For real this time. I’m done. And I’m ok with it. It’s....  
I... Can we just go home?” Alanna’s frustration grew as Kayla searched her sister’s face trying to understand. “Fuck, Kayla! I just want to go home. I had a long flight.” Kayla still didn’t move. Kayla didn’t move. She knew she could wait her sister out. “I met a girl,” Alanna muttered, looking out the window.

“You did?!?” Kayla asked excitedly. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you, Lani. Tell me all about her!”

“It’s not like that,” Alanna shook her head. “I don’t even know her. It won’t work anyway. I asked her to hang out with me tonight. I shouldn’t have. It was stupid.”  
“Wait,” Kayla said, confused, “she’s Australian? I thought you met her in Orlando. Is that why you came home?”  
“No. No,” Alanna continued shaking her head. I met her here. This morning. At a coffee shop. But she’s not from here. She’s an American. She bought my breakfast. And I...” Alanna sighed, “there’s just something about her. She’s kind, and she’s funny in this quiet sort of way. And she seems so genuine, like she just seems to be totally comfortable with who she is. No worries in the world. I don’t know how to explain it. I looked into this stranger’s eyes this morning and I couldn’t look away. I just felt like I had to see her again, so I told her I’d show her around tonight and we’d get dinner. I didn’t know what else to do. But I can’t.”  
“What do you mean you can’t,” Kayla asked softly. “If there might be something there, why not just go out to dinner with her?”  
“I can’t. Things got bad with Kyah. I’m not ready. I’m not ok. I can’t date someone right now. And Kyah keeps texting me.” Alanna saw the look on her sister’s face and quickly added, “I’m over her, Kayla, I really am. I promise. It’s just drama and baggage that no one wants.”  
Kayla looked seriously at her sister. “Fuck Kyah, Lani. She treated you like shit. She cheated on you. With a child. With. Your. Teammate” Kayla added. “She doesn’t get to continue dictating your life now that you’re done. Plus, it’s dinner. That’s it. It’s nothing serious. And really, if you two hit it off, I think you should have some fun. You deserve that. You’ve missed out on so many years of your youth where you should have been dating and going out and honestly, hooking up with people. You never lived. Why not start with a foreigner you never have to see again? Seems like a perfect opportunity to me,” Kayla said coyly.   
“I’m not like that, Kayla, you know that. I’m just not gonna go.”  
“You are gonna go. Now what you do once you’re there, is up to you, but you are going to go out with this chick tonight. You’re going to forget about Kyah and you’re going to act like a normal 24 year old. I will drive you back into Sydney myself if I have to. Now say yes and we’ll go home. I know some kiddos who miss you like crazy and have been begging to see their Auntie Lans.”

“Yes,” Alanna said under her breath. “I’ll go to dinner with her.”


	3. Bold of You to Assume it’s a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alanna and Christy’s first date - a sunset picnic

**2019.07.23**

* * *

  
Eight hours later, Alanna was stepping off the train at the Harbour, just like she promised her sister she would. She was strangely nervous, but couldn’t put her finger on why. She made her way to the southwest corner of the Harbour, and saw Christy walking up at the same time from the opposite direction. As the two women came together, Alanna instinctively reached out to hug Christy. She felt the tension leave her body immediately as Christy wrapped her arms around her. Alanna knew she was staying in the hug longer than necessary, appreciating both the warmth and the feeling of safety Christy provided, but she also noticed that Christy wasn’t trying to break away either. Alanna finally broke the embrace. “Do you eat seafood?” she asked awkwardly.  
“Love it,” Christy laughed. Yep, she had noticed Alanna’s uneasiness. Alanna motioned for her to follow and led Christy to a small shop at one of the docks in the Harbour. She ordered two fish and chips for take-away, and the women walked around the edge of the Harbour, to the bridge, and up a grassy hill. There, they sat down in the shadows of Sydney Harbour Bridge to eat their meal. The conversation flowed easily, peppered with laughter at each other’s anecdotes. They talked about their families, childhoods, about soccer, and about Christy’s job as a teacher. Their brief and sporadic periods of silence never seemed uncomfortable. After they finished eating, Christy got up to throw their paper take-away boxes in the trash, and when she returned, she laid down on the side of the hill. Alanna stayed sitting a bit in front of Christy, legs outstretched, leaning back as her hands propped her up. Alanna rather enjoyed just being there with Christy as the sun started to lower in the sky. Just then, she felt Christy’s pinky finger touch her own. Alanna froze. Slowly, Christy’s fingers covered her own, and Alanna felt her heart pounding as Christy began to gently stroke her hand with her thumb. They sat like that for several minutes, not moving and not speaking.  
Christy was the one to finally break the silence. “What was wrong this morning?” she asked quietly. Alanna looked back at her, squinting into the waning sunlight. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Christy followed up. “I shouldn’t have asked I suppose. I’ve just spent a long time coming to terms with my own vulnerability and I guess I forget that most people don’t want to share their life story with a stranger.”

“You don’t feel like a stranger,” Alanna said softly. “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”

“You don’t feel like a stranger to me either,” Christy responded, still caressing Alanna’s hand.  
Alanna laid down next to Christy, closing her eyes. She let out a sigh. “My girlfriend and I broke up.”  
“I’m sorry.” Christy sounded genuinely concerned. She had stopped stroking Alanna’s hand, but she didn’t let go. Alanna was glad she didn’t.  
Alanna continued, “Don’t be. It’s not like that. We needed to break up. We should have long ago. It was bad. Part of my mood this morning was me kicking myself for not ending it sooner, for letting her treat me like absolute rubbish for so long. Being controlled. Letting her cheat on me. But, my heart is just so conflicted. It’s hard to be alone. I mean, we didn’t live in the same state, but you still become dependant on having someone to talk to, and you don’t even realize it. It makes it hard not to respond to her texts. And it makes me wonder if maybe it’s better to stay in a shitty relationship than to be alone. I know logically that’s wrong, but when you’ve been with someone for so long, you start to doubt yourself I guess.” Alanna hadn’t meant to say all that, not so soon, but once she started talking, the words just flowed and wouldn’t stop. But she was keenly aware that Christy’s hand hadn’t moved from her own. She took comfort in that.  
“Can I give you some unsolicited advice from personal experience?” Christy slowly asked. Alanna nodded. “That initial shock of being alone is bad. You feel like you can’t function. Sometimes, it’s too hard to even eat. The effort isn’t worth it. But no matter what you think, that goes away and you find yourself again. You realize you are a whole person and you find out that you actually have the ability to be happy. You feel light and free. The pain doesn’t really go away, you just use the new happiness you experience to push it aside. You start to see your scars as a testament to what you overcame and you finally know that you’re a good person and will bring so much to your next relationship because of what you learned from this one. Then, you just wait for the right person to come into your life, the person that confirms what you knew - that you are enough just the way you are. It’s like a three-part process, from what I figure,” she said, trailing off.  
“So where are you in this process?” Alanna asked. Christy blinked. “You said you were speaking from personal experience.”  
Christy nodded. “I got therapized, healed my wounds. Found a way to function being alone, obviously,” Christy chuckled. “I’m just waiting for someone who sees my scars as a blessing and isn’t going to run when they find out what I’ve been through over the past year or so. Because I don’t think I’m damaged. I think I’m a better person because of what I’ve learned. People might see it differently, like I have baggage, but I’m proud of what I’ve overcome.”  
“Is therapized a word?” Alanna asked, laughing. “I don’t think it is.”  
“I don’t know, actually. But it should be. And we should all be therapized.” Christy was laughing too. “Where are you at?”  
“Well if my mood this morning is any indication, I guess not as far along as I thought. I don’t love her anymore, but I haven’t been able to forgive myself for being such a fucking idiot yet.”  
“I feel like self-forgiveness is unattainable for me. I’m always going to regret my choices. But as long as I can find a way to be happy with who I am, I think I’ll be fine,” Christy replied. “One step at a time. Move past the anger. Find happiness. Accept that you can’t fix what happened in the past, but you can’t keep it from happening again. Maybe forgive yourself later? I don’t know.”  
“And how do you propose I stop someone from cheating on me next time?” Alanna asked.  
“Well, you can’t. You can’t control another person. All you can do is find someone who you think is a good human being, and hope they don’t cheat. But if they do, you peace the fuck right outta there the first time!”  
“So no way to prevent another heartbreak. Great. I thought you had the answers all worked out,” Alanna said sarcastically, grinning as she turned towards Christy. The two women gazed into each others eyes in silence until Alanna finally sat up and pulled her phone out of her pocket. The sun was low enough to turn the entire sky a blazing red. “Sydney has the best sunsets of anywhere I’ve been,” she said wistfully, her voice cracking a bit. She missed her home, even though she loved America. She took a few pictures of the sun as it set behind the bridge and of the last bits of light glistening off of the Harbour’s water. She moved around effortlessly, shooting from various angles. She was confident behind a camera and regretting not bringing her Canon with her, but her phone would have to do. Then she stopped, standing still to take it all in and appreciate the unreal view.  
Alanna was unaware that Christy had begun to take pictures of her until Christy motioned her over. She handed Alanna her phone with it open to the first picture she had taken. “Do you want them? I can airdrop them to you,” she asked as Alanna scrolled through the photos.  
“I’d love them. They’re really good!” Alanna responded.  
“When your subject is this stunning,” Christy said, her voice barely audible, “It’s easy to take good pictures.”  
Alanna cheeks flushed, but she hoped that dusk hid it. She recovered quickly. “Don’t move. I should have been taking pictures of you, you’re the tourist afterall.” Christy shook her head, but Alanna got up anyway and positioned herself to capture Christy’s silhouette with the Harbour Bridge in the background. She walked back over to Christy, reaching her hands out. “Let’s go get a drink. There are a couple of open-air restaurants along the water, and the views are even better.” As she helped Christy up, she misjudged how hard she needed to pull, and the two women came so close to each other that they were almost touching. Christy’s hand ended up on Alanna’s waist as she tried to steady herself on the side of the hill. Alanna bit her lower lip as she stared at Christy’s mouth. She wanted so much for the woman to kiss her, but the moment passed and the two made their way back down the hill and to the Harbour. They made the long walk to the opposite side in silence. When they were seated, Alanna sat next to Christy instead of across from her, knowing she could pass her choice of seat off as wanting to have a few of the bridge. The women ordered beverages, but still didn’t talk to each other. Finally, after their drinks had been delivered, Alanna broke the silence. She reached out, running her finger along the inside of Christy’s wrist. “I like your bracelet.” She continued to stroke Christy’s wrist lightly. Christy’s eyes were downcast. “How’d you end up travelling by yourself?” Alanna changed the subject.   
“I don’t mind telling you,” Christy said, finally looking up. “But, it’s not really the kind of topic you want to discuss on a first date.” Her eyes were sparkling, and the edges crinkled in amusement.  
“Bold of you to assume this is a date,” Alanna replied, trying to hold back a smile.  
“Tell me it’s not,” Christy said. There was confidence radiating from her voice, but it didn’t come across as cocky. Alanna didn’t say anything. What could she say? “ Seriously though, the whole story could take like an hour or two to explain, and you have to get back home soon. How ‘bout the abridged version? I’ll tell you everything when you have more time. If you want. If you don’t run, that is.”  
Alanna sat back in her chair, finishing her drink as Christy spoke, her voice measured. “My ex and I were supposed to travel here with the kids this summer. We were together for 15, 16 years or so. It’s hard to say when it really ended, because there wasn’t one moment, one fight, that did it. She just grew to hate me and I grew to resent her and things just got worse every single day. But we lived together for another two plus years after our relationship fell apart because we had kids. I was miserable. And what I went through, now that I’m removed from the situation, is almost incomprehensible, but you see, she’s the kids’ bio mom. We were never married and I never adopted them, so in Texas, I don’t exactly have any established, rightful relationship with them. It doesn’t matter that I found the donor. It doesn’t matter that I was there before they were even born or that I raised them. Moving out of our house would have meant a very real possibility that I wouldn’t see them again. So I put up with all of her attempts to get me to break, and when I didn’t break, she decided not to come or let the kids come, and not to let me see them anymore. I had already paid for everyone’s flights. So I could stay at home and be miserable or check another country off my bucket list. I came. And when I get back, I have to deal with a custody case.”  
“That’s horrible,” Alanna said quietly. “I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel. I’m so sorry.” She looked into Christy’s eyes, seeing real sadness for the first time. She squeezed Christy’s hand, and longed to hug her, to wrap Christy in her arms and try to take all the pain away. But she didn’t move.  
“It’s ok,” Christy said, shaking her head. “It’s just one more wound that will heal. One more mountain to climb. But I’ll be fine. I know that in my heart. So,” she continued, “I should walk you to the train station now so you can get home.”  
You’re trying to give me an out,” Alanna said, incredulously. “Why do you think that hearing that would cause me to want to run? Because I don’t. You’re stronger than I am, for sure. The fact that this morning, and even tonight, you’ve been happy, nothing but smiles, in spite of everything, says so much about your character. We’ve still got a light display to enjoy, and then I do want to get out of here, but I don’t want to go home.” Somehow, Alanna felt different with Christy’s revelation. Maybe it was because Christy had trusted her enough to open up. Maybe it was because she realized that Christy had baggage too, and wasn’t going to judge Alanna for her own. Maybe it was the hope she felt - if this woman could find a way to be happy in the face of so much adversity, Alanna could too. Or maybe it was the infectiousness of her positive outlook that was rubbing off on Alanna.  
Christy caught their server’s eye and paid for their drinks, waiving Alanna off as she tried to protest. They got up and walked the short distance to the Opera House. The area out front wasn’t crowded because of the cold weather that evening. Alanna, taller than Christy by several inches, stood behind her, and as Christy shivered, Alanna stepped closer to Christy, blocking the wind from her back. After a few minutes though, Alanna blew into her own hands, trying to warm them, and instinctively, Christy reached back and wrapped Alanna’s arms around her own body so she could take Alanna’s hands in hers to warm them up. Alanna leaned down and pressed her cheek into Christy’s, bringing a smile to both of their faces. While neither woman could see the other, they could both feel the smile spread across the other’s cheek, along with a flush of warmth.  
As the show ended, Christy turned around to face Alanna. “So what did you have in mind now?”  
“I want to go out, actually. To a gay bar. It’s not something I’ve really been allowed to do.” Christy looked at her quizzically, but didn’t say anything. Alanna took Christy’s hand and they started to walk back towards the train. But as soon as they came to a more populated area, Christy dropped Alanna’s hand. Alanna ignored it, but it happened again a few minutes later. As they were waiting on the platform for the train, with no one around, Christy took Alanna’s hand in hers, but as soon as other people came off the escalator and onto the platform, Christy dropped her hand.  
“Why do you keep doing that?” Alanna asked.  
“What? Letting go of your hand?” Alanna nodded. “Because there are people around.” 

“This isn’t Texas, Christy. Sydney’s progressive. No one here cares.” The two women stepped onto the train together.

“I’m sure that’s true,” Christy responded. “And for the record, most people in big cities in Texas don’t care either. But it’s different because you’re famous. Someone will take a picture. You’ll end up on social media. The women’s soccer fandom is relentless.”  
“ I’m out though. I’m not trying to hide anything,” Alanna said.  
“But being out to your family and friends is different than the whole world knowing,” Christy countered.

“I guess I’m not blatantly out on social media,” Alanna mused, “but it’s not like I’ve ever tried to hide it. I just happened to be with someone who wanted things to stay kinda private. Honestly now, I can’t help but think that’s because she was cheating on me, but I don’t care if people know about my life. Let them talk.” Alanna grabbed Christy’s hand and held it the remainder of the train ride.


	4. Dive Bar On The East Side

**2019.07.23**

* * *

Inside, Alanna and Christy took a seat at the bar and ordered drinks. Talking over the music and noise was difficult, and every time Christy leaned in to speak into Alanna’s ear, she lightly rested her fingers on the inside of Alanna’s knee. And every time she did, it sent a shiver through Alanna. It didn’t matter what Christy was saying, feeling her lips that close to her ear made Alanna smile. Finally, Christy got to the point that she kept her hand on Alanna’s knee, not moving it off at all, as she caressed Alanna’s skin through her torn jeans. Alanna’s heart was racing. She flagged down the bartender and ordered a shot, by Christy declined. Alanna grabbed Christy’s hand, pulling her onto her feet. “Come dance with me.”

“I don’t dance,” Christy said, but Alanna noticed Christy didn’t put up much resistance as she dragged the woman onto the dance floor. But then, Christy literally hopped up on the ledge of a partial wall surrounding part of the dance floor, and Alanna knew she was serious.

“Fine,” Alanna chuckled. She stood in between Christy’s open legs with her back to Christy, and Christy wrapped her arms around Alanna’s shoulders. _God, she’s such a top_, Alanna thought, not knowing what to do with that information, but melting into Christy’s arms just the same. This was new territory for her. Christy was swaying to the music with Alanna in her arms, and it felt so good. Alanna leaned her head back onto Christy’s shoulder, tipping her chin up, willing the older woman to kisser her. But again, Christy didn’t. What was she doing wrong? She swore Christy liked her, wanted her, and yet every pass Alanna made was ignored. Did she not know how to flirt anymore? It had been 7 years since she had, afterall. Frustrated, Alanna asked Christy to go get her another drink from the bar.

“I will if you want, but if you have another, I’m either taking the train back to Campbelltown with you to make sure you get home all right, or you’re coming back to my hotel with me. You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” Alanna argued, “and you didn’t need an excuse to get me to come home with you. All you had to do was ask.” 

Christy shook her head, hopping down off the ledge and heading to the bar. Almost as soon as she had stepped away, women began coming to hit on Alanna. One at a time, they asked if they could buy her a drink or tried to dance on her. When Christy returned, a woman was taking the superstar by the hand to try to get her farther out onto the dance floor.

Alanna laughed it off, taking the drink from Christy and turning away from the stranger. “Thank you, darls,” she said, kissing Christy on the cheek so the woman would get the hint. Christy seemed unfazed and hopped back up on the ledge. Alanna was so intrigued by this woman, her calmness, she was so unbothered by anything, so sure of who she was. Alanna stood between Christy’s spread legs again, sipping her drink while placing one hand on Christy’s thigh.

“The Sydney lesbians certainly know who you are,” Christy said in her ear.

Alanna felt Christy’s hand on her side. “Are you jealous?” Alanna asked playfully before she continued. “Maybe you should make it clear that I’m here with you so they stop hitting on me.”

“Nah,” Christy responded, feigning seriousness. “What if one of them is the love of your life and you miss out on her because of me?”

_ The love of my life might certainly be in this room_, Alanna thought, but she didn’t say anything. Despite what she was feeling, she knew it was too soon. Alanna almost couldn’t take it anymore. She downed the rest of her drink and set the empty glass on the ledge next to Christy. She had both of her hands on Christy’s thighs now, slowly moving them up Christy’s legs as she leaned in.

Christy’s fingertips found the back of Alanna’s neck, her thumb tracing Alanna’s cheek. She pulled Alanna closer until their lips were almost touching. Then, in a split second, Alanna felt Christy’s lips on her neck, her jaw, her cheek as Christy peppered Alanna with little kisses. Christy’s lips landed on Alanna’s ear and she whispered, “I love dive bars, but our first kiss isn’t going to be in a dive bar on the east side.”

The romantic moment was interrupted as they both burst out laughing at Christy’s Taylor Swift reference. Alanna rested her forehead on Christy’s shoulder as her laughter finally subsided. She looked up into the woman’s eyes, grinning, shaking her head. Then she said seriously, “Take me back to your hotel.”

Christy nodded, taking Alanna by the arm, leading her through the crowd and out of the bar. Once outside, the cold air hit Alanna like a slap in the face, helping to sober her up some. She stopped, pulling Christy back towards her. “We’re not in a dive bar anymore,” she said, licking her lips and staring at Christy’s.

This time, Christy obliged, pulling Alanna into her, one hand finding the small of Alanna’s back, and the other on Alanna’s face. Their lips brushed. She kissed Alanna softly at first, then deeper, hungrily. Christy’s hand travelled to Alanna’s neck, then her collarbone, down between her breasts until her fingertips rested softly on Alanna’s abs.

Alanna felt her stomach drop, the same feeling she got every time she went on a roller coaster. It was exhilarating. It was the best first kiss she’d ever had. Alanna didn’t want the moment to end. But Christy pulled away, holding both of Alanna’s hands in hers, and looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m probably out of practice. It’s been a long time since I’ve kissed anyone.”

For the first time, Alanna sensed that Christy was truly unsure of herself. Alanna pressed her forehead into Christy’s. “I can assure you that you’re not out of practice, but, I am more than happy to help you practice if that would make you feel more confident in your skills.” They both chuckled and walked to the train, Christy offering Alanna her arm, assuming that after 4 drinks, it wouldn’t hurt for her to have a little help walking. For the first time in as long as she could remember, Alanna felt like herself, light and free, able to joke, able to laugh with her whole being. She was finally able to smile again. 


	5. You’re Smooth

**2019.07.23**

* * *

Stepping out of the train station and into the cold Sydney air again, Alanna was even more thankful to be sobering up. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t want to dull her feelings with alcohol. She had a few drinks that night, sure, but it was more to loosen up and relax. She was nervous. She didn’t want to be drunk; she wanted to remember this night. She walked arm in arm with Christy, up the hilly street in Sydney’s CBD, to the Amora Jameson. “This is a nice hotel!” she exclaimed.

Christy nodded. “Wait til you see the view from the tub. It’s spectacular at night. I don’t even like taking baths, but the views make it worth it.” _I bet I could change her mind about baths,_ Alanna thought, but she didn’t dare say it aloud.

The two women entered the elevator and Christy pushed the button for the 24th floor. When the doors closed, she pushed Alanna against the back wall, kissing her passionately. Too soon, the doors opened. They women stepped out and walked down the long hallway. Christy unlocked the door, holding it open for Alanna. As soon as Alanna entered, she saw what Christy was talking about. To the right, through the open bathroom door, her eyes were drawn to a huge picture window above a beautiful tub. “It is spectacular,” she agreed.

Christy stepped up behind Alanna, reaching around in front to unbutton her jacket, then helped it to slide off of her shoulders. Christy went to hang the jacket in the closet, and Alanna walked into the bedroom, plopping down on the bed closest to the door. “God, this bed is so comfy,” she moaned. “And my back is so sore from the flight.”

“Want me to give you a massage?” Christy asked.

“Really? If you don’t mind, I’d love one. I hate flying. It messes up my back, even 1st class.” Alanna sat up on the bed.

“Sure,” Christy said, flipping through her luggage for a change of clothes. “Take your shirt off, lie down, let me know when you’re ready.” With that, she stepped out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

Alanna could hear Christy changing and fumbling with things in the bathroom. She quickly pulled off her shirt and her bra, followed by her shoes and jeans, laying everything on a chair in the corner. She didn’t even hesitate, which was realized was strange for her. She had only ever been with one woman before. Even when things were bad with Kyah, she hadn’t wanted to be with anyone else. But now, she couldn’t wait to feel Christy’s hands on her body. She felt like all of her senses were heightened. And she really, really needed that massage. Alanna pulled the covers back on the perfectly made bed, and slid under them, rolling over onto her stomach. “I’m ready,” she called, her voice muffled by the pillow. She saw the room plunge into darkness, save for a crack of light coming from the bathroom door which was ajar. She felt the bed sink in as Christy sat beside her. She heard Christy rubbing her hands together briskly to warm them up, and she smelled the familiar scent of coconut oil. _This girl does not travel with coconut oil. Is she for real?_ But her mind went blank as she felt Christy’s hands slide over her back, long strokes covering her muscles in the oil.

Christy started with Alanna’s neck, which was tender from 16 hours in the air. She was gentle and focused on the painful areas, which were obvious because of the knots she could feel under the skin. Then she moved onto Alanna’s traps, causing Alanna to moan. It was such a good hurt, Alanna loved it. Christy increased the pressure, causing Alanna to moan more and mumble, “Right there,” multiple times. She hit the muscle between every vertebrae and followed them along between her ribs, where again, Alanna was surprisingly tender. It was damn near as good as any professional massage she had ever had, but Alanna didn’t want to interrupt the silence to tell Christy this. Finally, Christy’s hands worked their way to Alanna’s lower back, sliding just under the waistband of Alanna’s briefs to hit the connection between her lower back and glutes. Alanna caught herself wishing Christy’s hands would go lower.

Christy’s voice snapped Alanna out of her head. “Feel better?” she asked. “Anywhere else?”

There were definitely other places Alanna wanted massaged, but she refrained from pointing them out. “No, that was amazing,” she said. Christy pulled the covers up over Alanna’s back. Alanna rolled over, looking at the woman in the dimly lit room. “So,” she said coyly. “I think you’ve lied to me.” Christy tilted her head to the side, confused. “You just gave me one of the best massages of my life. Like it was as good as a professional. You carry coconut oil with you on vacation. Either you’re a professional masseuse, or this is how you get women naked in your bed. I’m going with the latter.You’re smooth.”

“What? No...no,” Christy stammered. “I’ve never...I wouldn’t.”

“Hey,” Alanna said softly, reaching out and grabbing Christy’s forearm, “I’m teasing. But you have to admit, it would be pretty damn smooth of you to offer a girl a massage as a way to get her into your bed. “Plus,” she was stroking Christy’s forearm now, “Your forearms are fucking ripped. They’re hot. That’s more evidence that you work with your hands.” Alanna laughed.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Christy replied flatly.“The first compliment I’m gonna get from you is about my forearms?” 

Alanna smirked. “Well, what can I say?I like ‘em.”

Christy shook her head and got up, walking over to her luggage. She rummaged around for a moment and then tossed a t-shirt and shorts towards the bed where Alanna was still laying.Alanna looked at her with confusion. “We didn’t plan on this, you don’t have anything to sleep in,” Christy explained. 

“I’m not much of a fan of sleeping in clothes,” Alanna responded. “I’m fine with what I’m wearing now.” 

“Suit yourself,” Christy said, pulling the blankets back on the second bed.

“What are you doing?” Alanna asked.“I’m not sleeping by myself tonight.”

* * *


	6. I Want You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as of now, this is no longer safe for work. Or for kids. Enjoy responsibly.

** 2019.07.23 **

* * *

Alanna heard Christy let out a heavy sigh, but she didn’t understand why.Christy got up and walked towards the other bed. Alanna sat up on the edge of the bed to meet her. Her hands found the hem of Christy’s shirt. She tugged on it. “Take this off.”Christy obeyed. She had already taken her bra off earlier when she had changed. Alanna could see the outline of her breasts in the dark. Her hands went to the waistband of Christy’s shorts, pulling them down. Christy stepped out of them. “Much better,” Alanna said softly, sliding back under the covers and lifting them for Christy to do the same.They laid on their sides, facing each other. 

In the darkness, Christy’s right hand found Alanna’s waist. The sensation of Christy’s fingertips on her almost naked body sent a shudder through Alanna. She put her hand behind Christy’s neck, pulling her in for a kiss, but too soon, Christy pulled away. “You’ve been up all day after an almost all day flight. You really should go to sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Alanna countered. “I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to stay awake. With you.” She played with the stray hairs falling down on the back of Christy’s neck.

Christy leaned forward and kissed her, her fingertips falling to Alanna’s stomach, discovering the outline of her abs, but also keeping just a bit of space between them. Christy traced Alanna’s lips with her tongue. She pulled on Alanna’s lower lip, biting it gently, causing Alanna to murmur with pleasure. Alanna’s hand slipped down to the small of Christy’s back, pulling her in and closing the small gap that had remained between their bodies. Then, she rolled over on top of Christy and began kissing the woman more deeply. She found herself unable to control her hips as she began grinding her pelvis against Christy. Christy moaned softly in Alanna’s ear.

And then she pulled back. Stammering over her words, she said, “We have to stop. I, I can’t. If we don’t stop, my hands and my tongue are gonna go places they shouldn’t tonight. It’s not... you’ve been drinking.”

Alanna rolled off of the woman and onto her back, frustrated, wishing Christy could read her mind. Then she would know just how much Alanna wanted those hands and that tongue to explore her entire body. It had been months since she had had sex and she was so turned on lying next to Christy, feeling the heat radiate from her body. Christy turned onto her side to face Alanna, and Alanna looked at her. “I’m not drunk. Not anymore,” Alanna said softly. “Look, I know what I’m doing. We’re not doing anything that I don’t want to do. But I want this.” She took Christy’s hand and slid it under the waistband of her briefs, running Christy’s fingers between her legs. “I want you.”

“Fuck, you’re wet,” Christy whined. Alanna knew it was unfair. The woman probably didn’t stand a chance at saying no now. Either Christy was going to fuck her or Alanna was going to have to go spend some time in the bathtub enjoying the views alone, and that was not what she wanted. She slid two of Christy’s fingers inside of her, letting out a long breath. From there, Christy took over, moving her fingers in and out, deeper with each thrust. She nibbled on Alanna’s ear, then kissed her neck and collarbone, before allowing her mouth to find Alanna’s breasts, her nipples already hard.

Alanna let out a breathy “Mmmm,” as Christy’s tongue flicked her nipple and traced circles around it. She dug her nails into Christy’s back as Christy found her G spot over and over, while allowing Alanna to press her clit into the base of Christy’s hand. It brought Alanna to orgasm. “Fuuuuck, baby,” Alanna cried out, feeling herself cum into Christy’s hand. She bit down hard on Christy’s shoulder as she continued to feel the pulsating sensation between her legs. “Sorry,” she said quickly, “that might leave a mark.” Christy kissed her softly, staring into her eyes as Alanna caressed her cheek.

Christy’s hand found its way to one of Alanna’s breasts and her mouth to the other. Alanna’s breathing became heavy again. Christy kissed her way down Alanna’s stomach, stopping at the waistband of her briefs. “Can I?” she asked. Alanna nodded, arching her back to help remove her underwear. Christy ran her hands gently up the insides of Alanna’s thighs. Alanna spread her legs. “More,” Christy commanded, and Alanna listened, opening her legs up further to let Christy in. Christy kissed one side of Alanna’s V-line and ran her fingertips down the other. She slid her arms under Alanna’s hamstrings, settling in between her legs. Her hands grasped Alanna’s and her tongue found its way in between Alanna’s lips and inside her opening. Then Christy slowly and softly licked Alanna’s clit with her flattened tongue. Alanna rocked her hips into Christy’s face, begging for more. Christy flicked Alanna’s clit with more pressure, causing Alanna to moan, and bringing her closer to orgasm. But then she softened her tongue again, tracing circles around Alanna’s clit. Alanna whimpered in response to the teasing. She let go of Christy’s hands and grabbed Christy’s head, pulling into her. Christy directed all of her attention to Alanna’s clit, licking it hard and fast. “Baby, don’t stop. Oh God!” Her back arched as she let out a long, almost painful “ahhhh!” and squirted on Christy’s face. Christy lapped it up with her tongue thirstily. Alanna whimpered again, her clit still twitching. She pulled Christy up to her face, apologizing.

“I’m sorry...I’ve never,” she stammered and Christy wiped her mouth on her arm.

“Baby,” Christy said softly. “You have nothing to apologize for. That was fucking hot.” She kissed Alanna quickly and made her way back down between Alanna’s legs. She made Alanna come over and over, sometimes sliding two fingers inside Alanna while she sucked on and licked her clit, and sometimes playing with Alanna’s nipples as she ate her out. Every time that Alanna thought she couldn’t possibly orgasm again, Christy slowed things down enough for her to recover and allows her time to come again. By the end, she was holding Christy’s face against her so long and hard, that Christy was running out of air each time, fighting to keep licking Alanna’s clit until she came, spurred on by Alanna’s cries of “don’t stop” and “right there.” Finally, Alanna was so dehydrated that she had nothing left and her legs were shaking. Christy was absolutely panting.

Alanna pulled Christy up towards her and wrapped her arms and legs around the woman. She could feel her pulse between her legs and was still twitching. She squeezed Christy hard, not wanting to let go, unable to speak for several minutes. Finally, she loosened her vice-like grip on Christy and buried her head in the woman’s chest. “That was...that was amazing,” she whispered. She wanted to say more, she had never had so many orgasms in her life, she didn’t even know it was possible to have that many, but she hesitated to reveal that personal information. Instead, she let out a deep breath and said, “Give me another minute, and I’ll try to return the favor. I’m not going to be near as good as you, but I’m happy to practice to so I get better,” she giggled.

“Not tonight, baby,” Christy whispered, softly stroking Alanna’s back. “You have to get some sleep.”

“But, but what about you?” Alanna asked, genuinely concerned and longing to taste Christy. She slid her fingers in between Christy’s legs and found her wetness. “You’re so turned on, darls, I can’t let you go to bed like this.”

Christy leaned over and kissed Alanna on her neck, then whispered in her ear, “There’s always tomorrow. I know you’re exhausted. We’re gonna go to sleep now.”

Alanna let out a sign, but acquiesced. “Good thing we have another bed because we’ve ruined this one.” Under her was a huge puddle of wetness. The two women got up and got ready for bed silently in the dark. When they slid under the covers, Alanna settled into Christy’s arms. No one had ever really held her before; she had always been the one holding Kyah. She expected this to feel awkward, but it felt like this was exactly how things were supposed to be. She loved the feeling of Christy’s strong arms around her, of the warmth on her back that radiated from Christy’s naked body, of Christy’s lips brushing the back of her neck and her fingers resting motionlessly on her stomach. It was perfect.

But then her mind started racing, her anxiety kicking in. _What was tomorrow going to bring? Was this just going to be a one-night stand? Was it just a vacation fling for the American? Or was it more? _God she hoped it was more. She had never felt like this before, not even with Kyah. But how could it be more when, at best, they lived a three hour plane ride from each other, and at worst, they lived halfway around the world from each other? Christy must have sensed something, maybe Alanna’s heart racing or her breathing becoming more labored as she panicked. Maybe her body had tensed, because she whispered in Alanna’s ear at just the right time. “Baby? It’s all right. We’re fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“How do you know?” Alanna asked, almost in tears.

Christy pulled Alanna in as tightly as she could. “Because I feel it. I know it in my heart. Whatever you want out of this is what it will be. But I can guarantee that I’m not going to hurt you. And I believe deep down in my soul that there was a reason we ended up in the same coffee shop at the same time.”

“What if I don’t know what I want?” Alanna asked, her voice barely audible. She couldn’t wrap her head around having a long distance relationship, not again, not even farther apart than her last one. But she didn’t think she could let Christy go either. She started panicking again as she realized she was just going to end up hurt, no matter what Christy said.

“We’ll just wait til you figure it out. Listen, when you wake up tomorrow, I’m going to be right here, still holding you. You’re safe. You’ll always be safe with me.”

“Safe, Alanna thought. She hadn’t felt safe her entire adult life. For seven years, there was always the possibility of pissing Kyah off, of Kyah leaving, of Kyah cheating, of Kyah ending things. Nothing was ever in Alanna’s control, or so she had felt at the time, and she didn’t even know what it meant to be safe in a relationship. She knew what jealousy was, anxiety, insecurity, anger. Those were familiar. Safety was not. Yet this woman holding her, with all of her calmness and confidence and self-assuredness and ease, made Alanna actually believe that maybe there was a slight possibility that she could find someone who felt like home. Her muscles relaxed and she finally drifted off to sleep, physically and mentally exhausted.


	7. The Girl I Might Be In Love With Eventually

**2019.07.24**

Alanna awoke to a sliver of light coming in through the curtains. Amazingly, she felt Christy’s arm still around her, just like she said it would be. She knew the older woman was awake because she could feel Christy’s fingertips tracing the cuts of her abs. Alanna wasn’t quite ready to let on that she was awake though; she wanted to enjoy the moment a little longer. Finally, she rolled over, stretching and grunting. She opened her eyes to see Christy looking at her. “What? Where...where am I?” Alanna stuttered. “Why am I naked?” She saw a look of sheer panic and terror spread across Christy’s face and Alanna burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding, darls,” she said apologetically. “I remember exactly what we did last night.”

She turned to snuggle into Christy’s chest, but Christy wasn’t having it. “That’s not funny,” Christy said tersely. “Not even a little bit.”

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry,” Alanna said. “Let me make it up to you.” She slid her hand under the covers and found Christy’s breast, gently twisting the nipple between her fingers. Christy didn’t budge. Alanna whined, “Come on. You can’t stay mad at me for long.”

“Are you sure about that?” Christy asked sternly, causing Alanna’s stomach to drop. But the twinkle in Christy’s eyes gave her away and Alanna took advantage of that, rolling on top of Christy and sliding her hand betweven Christy’s legs.

“See? I told you you couldn’t stay mad,” Alanna said feeling Christy’s wetness while kissing her softly. She moved down between Christy’s legs, despite Christy’s protests about Alanna needing to get home to her family. “I want to taste what you taste like, baby,” she whispered, putting an end to the protests. She explored Christy with her tongue, thoroughly enjoying her quiet moans as she found Christy’s clit and began flicking it with her tongue. Her hands reached up to play with Christy’s nipples, causing Christy’s back to arch in pleasure as she pushed into Alanna’s mouth. Alanna sucked on her clit. Suddenly, Christy grabbed Alanna’s hands and squeezed them hard. Biting her lip, she tried to stifle her moan and she came, her body trembling, thighs tightening around Alanna’s head. 

“Come here,” Christy whispered, pulling Alanna towards her, wrapping her arms around Alanna tightly. Alanna kissed her bare chest. 

“Was that ok?” she asked, unsure.

“Better than ok,” Christy murmured.

“Then why’d you stop me?” “Christy sighed and didn’t speak for what seemed like an eternity to Alanna.

“You came all the way down here to visit your family and now I’m monopolizing your time.”

“I don’t think that’s all this is,” Alanna said, knowingly.

“It’s not you, I promise. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just one of those wounds that I guess hasn’t healed completely.” Christy sounded genuinely sad.

“You’ll talk to me about it later then, love?” Alanna felt Christy nod. What she really wanted was the press the woman to confide in her, but she decided to at least try to be patient. She rolled off the woman and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. “Oh no!” she almost yelled. She had over a dozen missed calls and texts from her sister going back almost 4 hours to just after 6:00am. _Christ, I should have texted her and told her I wasn’t coming home last night. She’s got to be so worried! “_I’ve gotta call my sister,” she explained to Christy. “She’s been calling me all morning.”

Kayla picked up on the first ring and immediately started screaming at Alanna. It was definitely loud enough for Christy to hear through the phone, but Alanna knew there was no point in trying to calm her sister down. Once the guilt trip about thinking Alanna was dead or kidnapped, and the “I almost had to call the police” was finally over, Alanna explained herself. “I took your advise, Kayla,” she said. “I stayed over. We just woke up. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about texting you. I was, um...my mind was on other things last night. I’m sorry.”

Kayla’s tone softened as she asked, “Well did you at least have fun then?”

“So much, so, so much. She’s really great.” Alanna reached over and squeezed Christy’s hand. “I’ll be home soon, Kayla. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s ok, Lani. But hurry up. There are some kiddos here who want to play soccer with their favorite Auntie.”

Alanna hung up the phone and sighed. She wanted to go see her family, but she really didn’t want to leave. Especially like this.

“Why don’t you hop in the shower and I’ll go find you a cup of coffee? I got you a toothbrush from the front desk, too,” Christy told her.

“When did you do that?” Alanna was shocked. “I woke up a couple of hours before you, so I called down to the front desk and they brought it up. You were sound asleep. I’ll be back before you get out,” Christy said, rolling out of bed.

“Hey,” Alanna called after her. Christy turned around. “Thank you. For being so good to me.”

“Always,” Christy winked. And Christy was right. She was back with a soy flat white for Alanna just as Alanna was finishing her shower. She went to set their coffee cups down on the table and turned around to Alanna standing there naked, the sunlight streaming in through the window and onto her gorgeous body.

She saw Christy staring at her, mouth agape. “What?” Alanna asked, stepping towards the woman slowly.

“You’re, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” She could barely get the words out.

Alanna kissed her softly. “You’re making it really hard for me to leave, you know that? What are you doing today? Did I mess up your plans?”

“Whale watching, but not til the afternoon,” Christy replied.

“That’ll be awesome!” Then, shyly, Alanna asked, “Do you want to have dinner with my family tonight? Nothing serious or anything, I just thought you might like to experience a real Aussie barbie. They do it every time I come home. The food’s really good.”

“I don’t want to intrude on your family time,” Christy lamented.

“You won’t be. Promise. I want them to meet you. You know, in case this, well, you know....” she trailed off. “Sydney’s so far, you never know when you’ll be able to make it back, and I want to be able to be like, ‘Remember that American girl who came to our house? Yeah, we’ve been dating. I’m in love with her.’ You know, somewhere down the line maybe. So just in case, you should come.”

“If you’re sure,” Christy replied warily. “But you really should ask first.”

“I’m positive,” Alanna said kissing her again. “Give me your number. I’ll text you the address. iMessage shouldn’t charge you anything over here.”

“I got an international plan, so don’t worry about calling if you need. Give me your phone,” Christy said. “I’ll put my number in it.”

Alanna unlocked her phone and handed it to Christy.

“Ok, text me when you check with your family to be sure it’s ok.” Then, Christy handed the phone back to Alana and went over to her luggage. She pulled out a black tee that said “Cliques and Tribes” on the front, tossing it to Alanna. “Don’t want you to have to go home in the same outfit as last night,” she said.

Alanna slipped the t-shirt over her head and pulled on her jeans. She didn’t bother with her undergarments, and Christy offered to bring those, and her top and coat to her in a bag later, since Alanna had gone out last night with nothing but her wallet, credit card, and phone.

“You know,” she said looking at herself in the mirror, “you might not get this shirt back. I like it.”

“I’d be ok with that. I like it on you, too.” Christy stepped towards Alanna. “I’m gonna kiss you goodbye here, because the way I want to kiss you, I can’t in public.” She pulled Alanna’s body into hers, gently resting one hand on the small of Alanna’s back. The other traced Alanna’s jawline, fingertips running over her lips. Their lips fell together, hungrily grabbing, sucking and biting. Christy’s hand brushed Alanna’s breast, causing her to bite Christy’s lip harder.

“God, I really wanted to check out that tub with you before I left,” Alanna whispered into Christy’s ear.

“I’m here for two more nights, she replied, playfully drawing circles around Alanna’s nipple. “Maybe you can spend a little bit more time here before I go.”

“Definitely,” Alanna replied, her hands sliding into the back pocket of Christy’s jeans and holding her for just a minute longer. Finally, Christy grabbed their coffees and they headed out the door. Christy walked Alanna all the way to her platform and waited for the train with her. When it pulled up, they shared a quick peck and Alanna disappeared behind the closing doors, settling in an upper level seat for the long ride back to Campbelltown. She pulled out her phone, not even bothering to fight the urge to text Christy already. Except Christy’s contact wasn’t to be found anywhere under the C’s. _Fuck, what if it’s under her last name. And I don’t even know her last name! Or what if she didn’t even put it in my phone at all? No, I saw her typing. She had to have! _Alanna started scrolling, frantically looking for Christy’s number. And then she saw it. Christy had listed it as **The Girl I Might Be In Love With Eventually.**

Alanna melted, a huge smile spreading across her face. 


	8. I Really Like Her

**2019.07.24**

* * *

Alanna opened her messages and began typing.

A: Cute. But it wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t found your contact in my phone. 

C: I knew you’d figure it out eventually.You’ll figure everything out eventually. 

_Alanna was starting to think maybe she already had figured things out._

A:I hope you get to see a lot of whales today.

C:Me, too!I’m excited. It’s one of those high speed inflatable boats.

A:Sick! 

What time is it over?

C:I think around 3:30. 

A:Come straight away then?

I’ll pick you up at the station. 

C:You’re really sure about this?Me intruding on your family time?

A:You’re not. And yes I’m sure. I want to see you again. 

....._ (should she or shouldn’t she?Was it better to ask in person?It was certainly easier in a text...but..._

Can I ask you a question?

C:Of course.

A:How many women have you been with?

C:Ok...wow. You just went there. 

3...

Why?

_Ok.Alanna breathed a sigh of relief.Based on Christy’s skills in the bedroom, she had feared it was a much higher number. _

A:Just curious. 

C:Just curious, huh?Would I have been uninvited if the number was higher?

A:Well, no. Of course not. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m glad it’s not. I just...

...

Last night was so incredible. I didn’t think it was even possible to have THAT many orgasms. I kinda got worried that you have had a lot of, erm...practice, I guess. 

C:I’m not like that. I don’t sleep around Alanna. I never have. Every woman I’ve been with I’ve been in love with.

_Did she just say that?She didn’t mean that. No. She meant the other women_. 

A:I don’t sleep around either. 

If I tell you something, promise you won’t make fun of me?

C: I won’t. 

A: Kyah’s the only person I’ve been with besides you. We started dating when I was just so young.

.....

C:I’d never make fun of you for that. 

A: ..... 

_ There was so much Alanna wanted to ask her, especially about last night, but she couldn’t bring herself to just yet. _

C: What can I bring to dinner tonight?

A:Nothing. Just you. 

C:Ok. I’m going to head down to the boat now.If you change your mind, let me know. Text you when I’m on the way to you?

A:Ok. Have fun. 

C: 😉

Back in Campbelltown, Alanna chose to take an Uber rather than bother her sister. When she walked in the door of their home, the kids were playing in the den. Kayla must have heard the door, because she came and stood in the entryway from then kitchen, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. The kids quickly jumped up and all but tackled Alanna. They were pulling and tugging and yelling at their “Auntie Lani” to play with them. Alanna told the kids to head out and set up a goal while she talked to their mom, but then she’d be right out. 

She stopped a few feet in front of Kayla. “I’m sorry sis.I should have texted you.”

“It’s all right,” Kayla replied.“I was just worried that I’d sent you out with a serial killer. I do want to hear all about your night though later. And about her.”

“Well you can get to know her yourself,” Alanna called over her shoulder as she headed for the backyard. “I invited her for dinner.”

“You did what?l” shouted Kayla. 

Alanna shrugged and walked out to the backyard. 

Over an hour later, the 3 came in sweaty and exhausted. The kids sat down in the den with a snack, watching TV, and Alanna took a seat at the kitchen table, across from her sister. Kayla stared at Alanna until Alanna finally broke down and spoke first. “You’re really gonna like her, I think Kayla.I do.”

“What did you do last night?” Kayla asked. 

“We had a cute little picnic on the hill under the bridge and watched the sunset. And I know this sounds stupid, but when she held my hand while we were sitting there, I kid you not, I felt my stomach drop like I was on a roller coaster. Then we had drinks and saw the NAIDOC show on the Opera House. Then we went to a bar for a bit but we ended up going back to her hotel. And god, Kayla, it was the best sex I’ve had in my life,” Alanna whispered. “Like people use mind-blowing to describe sex,” she added, “but this was fucking mind-blowing. But it’s not just that. I love her vibe. She so chill. And like the most considerate human being. She’s just so real too. She seems like a person I’d never have to guess with. Like she knows how to actually communicate like an adult. She’s confident and smooth but not even a little cocky. She’s so respectful, too. I was nearly naked in her bed and she was giving me a back massage because I was hurting from the flight and her hands did not stray once. I basically had to beg her to sleep in the bed with me because she was going to sleep on the other bed. And even after I had taken her clothes off and we were kissing, basically naked she would not make a move. Because I had a couple of drinks. Can you believe it?”

“So what is this then?Are you dating?It’s not a fling?I don’t understand how you’re going to manage the distance across America, much less across an entire ocean.When you were first playing in the NWSL, you were much closer to Kyah and you couldn’t handle it. And, you were in the same city, living together, the entire W-League season,” Kayla pointed out. 

“I don’t know.” Alanna sounded dejected. “But if this is for real, we’ll figure it out. People are in long-distance relationships and make it work.”

Kayla only nodded, but Alanna thought it was a very telling nod, like she didn’t believe what Alanna was saying. Like she knew how insecure Alanna was, how she wouldn’t be able to cope with not knowing what her partner was doing on the other side of the world. All the things Alanna was worried about seemed to be behind that nod.


	9. My Reputation’s Never Been Worse (so you must like me for me)

* * *

**2019.07.24**

* * *

Alanna went to shower and take a quick nap. She was awakened by buzzing from her phone - a text from Christy letting her know she was on the way. Alanna got out of bed to get dressed, pulling on TWLOHA sweatshirt and ripped jeans. She found the kids working on a puzzle and sat down to help them until it was time to go get Christy.  
At the train station, Alanna watched Christy jog to her car, her heart, and face smiling at the thought of the woman being that excited to see her again after only a few hours. Christy came to the passenger side of the car. “_Americans_!” Alanna thought, laughing as she rolled down her window. “You’re on the wrong side!”  
“Nope,” Christy laughed.  
“Well I’m not letting you drive! You’ll have us in a wreck.” Alanna exclaimed.  
“Ok, first of all, I’ll have you know I was in New Zealand before I came here and I drove around there on the left side of the road perfectly fine. And secondly, I’m here for this,” she said leaning through the open window and kissing Alanna.  
Alanna loved how Christy’s kisses built, starting out soft and short, pulling away, foreheads meeting, noses touching, as if she was asking permission for more. And then the kisses deepened. Tongues fought, teeth sunk into lips, hands pulled faces closer. Alanna had never known a kiss could turn her on so much. 

“There. I couldn’t do that trying to lean over a console,” Christy explained. Then she jogged around the car, hoping in the passenger door, to get out of the cold. She leaned over to give Alanna a peck on the neck, right below her ear. It sent shivers through Alanna. Christy’s hand settled on Alanna’s thigh as they drove.  
As they parked in front of Alanna’s house, Christy exclaimed, “Wait!” Just like that, she was out of the car again and jogging around to the driver’s side. She opened the car door for Alanna, presenting her hand to help Alanna out of the car. Alanna scrunched her forehead at the gesture.  
“What?” Christy laughed. “My mama raised me to be a gentleman. Well, ok, maybe she was trying to raise my brother to be a gentleman, but I took lessons, and you always open doors for a lady. That includes car doors.” She closed the door behind Alanna and then dropped her hand as they walked up to the front door.  
Alanna grabbed it again. “My sister knows, it’s ok. My parents aren’t here yet.” She squeezed Christy’s hand and opened the door.  
Kayla was in the kitchen. Alanna introduced Christy to her. Kayla was polite and friendly, but Alanna could tell she was wary of the new woman. Kayla’s lips smiled tightly and her arms were crossed again as soon as she shook Christy’s hand. Alanna took Christy to meet the two kids, and then sat back down at their puzzle with them. She motioned for Christy to join her on the floor, but Christy shook her head. “I’m going to go see if your sister needs help in the kitchen.” Before Alanna could protest, Christy had walked away. _Hopefully, Kayla will warm up to her,_ Alanna thought.  
A little while later, Alanna’s parents arrived. Even though Alanna had just seen them a few weeks earlier in France at the World Cup, she had missed them so much. Playing in America was a dream, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t hard on her, not seeing the people that meant the most in the world to her. Alanna introduced her parents to “Christy from America.” Kayla’s husband brought the lamb and sausages in from the BBQ, and everyone sat down at the table for dinner.  
No sooner than dinner had started, Alanna’s parents brought up Kyah. Her dad asked, “Why didn’t Kyah come home with you this time?”  
Alanna’s jaw tightened at the sound of Kyah’s name. “She’s still got games, dad. We’re the only team with a break right now.”  
Alanna’s mum continued, “How’s she doing, Lani? We really miss her. It was so nice seeing her in France.”  
Alanna’s fist clenched under the table. “She’s fine I guess, mum.”  
“I guess you two haven’t had the chance to spend much time together since France,” Alanna’s mum commented. Alanna just nodded in agreement, but under the table, her nails were digging into her palms. _How could she have been so stupid as to invite Christy to dinner with her parents, and not tell her parents, at a minimum, that Kyah had broken up with her? _Of course her parents were going to ask about Kyah. They always did. They adored Kyah. They had no idea what the relationship had truly been like in its valleys; Alanna had only let them see the peaks, so they had no idea how tumultuous it had been. And now Christy was sitting there through all of this.  
Alanna snapped back to reality as she felt Christy’s fingertips touch her wrist. _Does this mean she’s not mad_, Alanna wondered, as Christy lightly stroked the inside of her wrist under the table. _Or maybe she wants me to say something to them_? Alanna took in a sharp breath, then looked over and noticed that Christy’s expression hadn’t changed at all the whole time. She looked perfectly calm. _How was that even possible?_ It had to bother her hearing Alanna’s parents speak so fondly of Kyah.  
Alanna’s dad started talking about how much he hoped Alanna would be able to remain with Sydney FC in the upcoming season and that he hoped Kyah was able to come back to the club too. Alanna felt her cheeks growing flushed. Her breath caught in her throat and her fist clenched again but Christy began prying her fingers open one at a time, massaging them as she went until Alanna felt like she could breathe again. Then Christy interlaced her fingers with Alanna’s. 

“Dad, I’m leaving all that to my agent. He’ll figure it out. But of course I want to stay in Sydney. I have no idea where Kyah’s going, and she probably doesn’t either at this point.”

Alanna saw that her mum must have picked up on her tension, as she put her hand on her husband’s arm and quickly shook her head. Alanna was relieved. The conversation turned to the struggles the Pride were facing this year, the qualifiers for the 2020 Olympics, and questions about Christy’s work and travels. After dinner, Alanna and her parents went into the den to play with the kids and Christy helped Kayla clear the table and clean up the kitchen. But Alanna was distracted, still worried about the conversation at dinner. She got up to go find Christy. She needed to make sure everything was ok.  
As Alanna was about to round the corner, she heard her sister’s voice, “Look, I know it’s not my place, and maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but she’s my sister and I don’t want to see her hurt again. She likes you. Bunches. She doesn’t even have to say it, she’s just been different these last two days. I know that this sounds ridiculous, but it’s like I have my sister back. The carefree girl I grew up with. She’s just been a shell of a person these last few years. And I feel really guilty for that, for not getting involved, for not protecting her. I’m not going to make that mistake again. Frankly, I think whatever you two are doing is a really bad idea. She’s happy right now, but at what cost? What happens when you go back to Texas? Or when she comes back to Sydney for 6 months? So I want to know what your intentions are. Is this just a vacation fling?”  
Alanna thought about walking into the kitchen, but she really wanted to know what Christy was going to say, so she hung back, eavesdropping.  
“I think you’re asking the wrong person,” Christy. “What happens isn’t up to me; it’s up to your sister. I’m a huge believer in fate. There’s a reason we ended up in the same coffee shop at the same time yesterday. Something told me to buy her a coffee so I did. I have no idea why. But I know that people are put in our lives for a reason. Some teach us a lesson. Some help us heal. And sometimes, when we really pay attention to that voice in our heads, we just might find the person we’re meant to find. Your sister isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. I’m all in. I can guarantee you that I’ll never hurt her. And I’ve never had a ‘fling’ in my life. But I don’t know what she wants. I don’t know that this would ever work for her because of the distance. I don’t even know if she’s ready for another relationship. So I can’t tell you what’s going to happen. All I know is that if she wants this to work, I’ll do anything I can to make it work. And if she needs more time, I’ll wait for her. Other than that, you’ll have to talk to her.”  
On the other side of the entryway, Alanna was melting. That voice in her head at the coffee shop, the one that said “She’s the one, don’t let her go,” was right. The woman standing in the kitchen washing dishes with her sister wasn’t stealing her heart; she was putting it back together one piece at a time. Alanna knew she was starting to fall in love, and it terrified her. So much could go wrong. But for now, she pushed all of that aside and walked into the kitchen. Christy was at the sink, back to Alanna, head turned towards Kayla. Kayla was just staring right back at Christy, arms crossed. Neither one had noticed Alanna. Alanna slipped her arms around Christy’s waist, and kissed her on the neck. She looked at Kayla as she held Christy from behind, trying to convey with her eyes and her face that Kayla didn’t need to be so hard on Christy. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” she said to Christy, nodding her head towards the dishes. “I can help Kayla later.”  
Kayla almost choked as she tried coughing to cover up her laugh. “She’s right, you don’t have to help,” Kayla said. “But Alanna doesn’t do dishes. Ever. I’m pretty sure she eats on paper plates and only things she can microwave so she doesn’t have to take out a pot.” Alanna glared at her sister.  
“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Christy laughed assuringly. “I’m the only one who did dishes in my home for 18 years, so it doesn’t faze me.” She dried her hands on a towel and turned around towards Alanna, squeezing her in return. “She doesn’t ever have to do the dishes. Or cook. She’s got more important things to do. Like soccer. And right now, she should be spending time with the kids, and her parents.”  
“Speaking of kids, it’s past their bedtime. Want to put them to bed tonight, Lani?” Kayla asked.  
“Yeah, give me a minute.” Kayla walked out of the kitchen. Alanna turned back to Christy. “Is everything ok?”

Christy nodded. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

Alanna looked down at the floor. She wasn’t going to tell Christy what she had just heard, but there was the other elephant in the room. “My parents. Talking about Kyah so much. I should have stopped them. I should have told them that we broke up. I just couldn’t handle it right then and I don’t know why. I’m so sorry.”  
“Babe,” Christy said, tipping Alanna’s chin upwards so she could look into her eyes. “It’s fine. I promise. She’s been a huge part of your life. And theirs. That’s doesn’t just go away. Even if you’ve ended that relationship, they still care about her.”  
“Why are you so good to me?” Alanna asked.  
Christy squinted her eyes, as if she were confused. “You deserve the world. Don’t ever settle for someone who treats you like you’re anything less than a queen.”  
Just then, Kayla came back in. “Mum and dad are heading home.”  
The three women walked out to the front of the house to say goodbye to Alanna’s parents. When they left, Alanna went to put the kids to sleep and Christy and Kayla finished up in the kitchen. Alanna was hesitant to leave them alone again, but she figured that both could handle themselves. She came back out a little while later to find them sitting at the table laughing, Kayla with a glass of wine. “What’s so funny?” she asked.  
“I was just telling Christy how I should have known all along you were gay. You always stole all my Barbies and left me only the Ken dolls to play with.”  
Alanna smiled, “The Barbies were prettier, what can I say? Where’s your wine?” she asked, sitting on Christy’s lap and wrapping her arms around the woman’s neck.  
“I was just waiting for you to finish so I could say goodnight. It’s getting late so I should go.”  
Alanna shook her head. “I want you to stay here tonight. And don’t try arguing about it,” she said, putting her finger to Christy’s lips to preemptively stop the protest that was about to come out. Then looking at her sister, “Let’s go get a fire going and take this conversation outside.” She got up and poured herself a glass of wine motioning to Christy to see if she wanted one as well. Christy shook her head.  
The women headed to the back porch, Kayla carrying a couple of blankets for added warmth. Christy had to get the fire started in the pit because neither sister knew how and she didn’t want them to wake Kayla’s husband up. Christy settled into the corner of the couch, and Alanna laid across one side, propping her feet up in Christy’s lap. Christy started rubbing Alanna’s arches without a second thought. _I really should keep her around for after games_, she thought, smiling to herself. Kayla selected a chair on the other side of the fire. As they talked, Alanna noticed that her sister seemed to be softening towards Christy. It was hard not to, given how funny Christy was. They were all laughing and struggling to stay quiet so they didn’t wake anyone inside. But then, Kayla went there; she asked about Christy’s last relationship. 

Alanna should have known her sister couldn’t leave well enough alone. She sat up, glaring at Kayla. She knew Kayla wasn’t going to be able to get past the fact that Christy had children with another woman. Or that she was going to have to deal with a custody case.

Christy, seemingly unfazed, recounted everything she had told Alanna the previous evening in the Harbour. Alanna held her hand the entire time, but her eyes didn’t leave Kayla’s face. She could already hear everything Kayla was going to have to say about it when they were alone. Kayla was never one to be able to hide her expressions, the slight downturn of the corners of her mouth, the raised eyebrows. Christy picked up on it. “Look, I know that my past isn’t ideal. But we all have baggage. I was in a bad relationship. It ended and my ex has chosen to use the kids as pawns. I was and always will be a good parent to my boys. What’s happening in my life doesn’t define me as a person. I chose the wrong partner, but it doesn’t make me a bad person. I can’t control what other people do, all I can control is how I react. So I choose not to be bitter or angry. I choose to forgive. I choose to be happy.”  
Kayla stared at the pair sitting across from her. Even in the dark, Alanna felt like her eyes were burning a hole in Christy. “So what happens when she wants you back? Do you go back, for the sake of the kids?” she asked sharply.  
“Kayla!” Alanna exclaimed.  
“What? I’m not going to let you get hurt again, Lani. Kyah treated you like dirt, and I knew it but I didn’t do anything because it was your life, your relationship. I’m not going to sit back and keep my mouth shut while you get hurt again. This is too much.”  
Christy leaned forward, elbows on her knees, eyes to the ground, rubbing her hands together. Then she looked up at Kayla. “I’m going to court to get shared custody. I’m not going back to her. I’d never go back to her.”

“Not even for the kids?”  
“Especially not for the kids.” Christy’s voice was calm. She wasn’t frustrated. Alanna thought she sounded a bit sad. “Look, this isn’t something I just go around sharing with people, because I don’t think it’s a story that needs to be told, and I haven’t even told your sister, but if you want to know how I know I won’t ditch her to go back to my ex, then that’s fine, I’ll tell you.”  
“Christy,” Alanna interrupted, “You don’t have to...”  
“No, it’s fine. She has every right to be worried that I’ll hurt you.” Christy took a deep breath. “My ex was abusive, verbally and physically, for the entirety of our relationship. I chose to stay the past 6 years because I live in a conservative state and whether or not I’m recognized as a mother depends on the luck of the draw with the judge I get. I thought my kids were worth more than a gamble. And it was a lot easier to accept the abuse than to potentially lose them. It’s also why, after we broke up, I didn’t move out, and I didn’t date. And why I told my therapist I’d live like that until they either turned 18 or my ex decided to do something. And she finally did. It has been both the biggest blessing and curse in my life. I probably won’t get to see my kids for months until this is all over, and there is no greater heartbreak in the entire world than that. But I have also never felt happier or more free now that I got out of that controlling situation. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I can finally see clearly enough to know that my kids will be better off splitting time with both of us than they would be seeing me put up with being treated like that. So no. I wouldn’t go back. Not even for them, because I want them to grow up to be good men and to do that, they have to have a good example of what a relationship is supposed to be like,” Christy trailed off and looked back down at her hands.  
Alanna had tears in her eyes as she was flooded with a mixture of emotions. Rage directed at a woman she didn’t even know. Sadness at the loss Christy was experiencing. Frustration towards her sister for forcing this out of Christy. “Baby,” she whispered, touching Christy’s cheek. “Baby, look at me.”  
Christy had tears running down her cheeks. Alanna tried to wipe them away, but they kept falling. In a shaky voice, she looked from Alanna to Kayla and said, “I don’t know exactly what you want to know, or what you’re afraid of. But I’ve never cheated on anyone. I never even fought back when I was being hit. I couldn’t be any more loyal than I was, willing to live in that house and be single for the rest of my life if that’s what I had to do to see my kids everyday. I’ve done so much therapy that I don’t even think I have the capacity to get angry anymore because I recognize that anger is a secondary emotion. I know how to deal with what I’m actually feeling first. I don’t know what else you want from me so that you can see me as worthy of dating your sister. I guess I just hope that if she’s still willing to take a chance on me after hearing all of this, then you’ll give me a chance to prove to you what kind of person I really am.”  
Alanna pulled Christy close, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair. Her eyes pleaded with her sister to say something.  
“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry. I just worry about her,” Kayla said quietly. “I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”  
When Kayla had gone, Alanna apologized profusely for her sister’s overprotectiveness, but Christy waived it off. They cuddled under the blanket in silence for a long time, Alanna stroking Christy’s hand softly. Finally, Alanna broke the silence. “Why did you stay in the relationship before you had kids if it was so bad?” she asked.  
“I didn’t want to be alone,” Christy replied. “I thought I’d end up single forever if I left.”  
“That’s how I felt too,” Alanna said knowingly. “Everytime we broke up, no matter how bad things were, I begged her to take me back. I promised to change even when I wasn’t the problem. Even when she cheated on me I wanted her back because she made me think that no one else would ever love me. You know, she cheated on me with one of our teammates. The girl’s a teenager. And then every time we broke up, she’d just go right back to her, like she didn’t care about me because she had someone else waiting.”

Alanna was quiet again for a few minutes and then asked sheepishly, “When I asked you about...you know...this morning, and you said it wasn’t me...what was it? Was it something she did?”  
Christy let out a long sigh, shaking her head as she looked up at the star-filled sky. She ran her hand through her hair, clearly uncomfortable. “She only liked receiving. Not giving. And looking back on it, yeah, ok, I can see now that she was probably a pillow princess. But at the time, it always made me feel like there was something that must have been wrong with me that made her not want to reciprocate. I don’t like talking about sex. Like at all. So I’ve never discussed it in therapy or tried to work through it and I just...when you...I just worry that maybe...you know...you don’t want to be doing what you’re doing. It makes it hard to relax.”  
Alanna grabbed Christy’s face with both of her hands, forcing the older woman to look at her. “Hey! I am NOT a pillow princess. Like at all. And there is NOTHING wrong with you. At all.”

“I really don’t want to have this conversation,” Christy mumbled, refusing to make eye contact. 

“Fine, then just listen,” Alanna said, moving onto Christy’s lap and straddling her. “I like turning you on on.” She kissed Christy’s lips softly. “I like the way you taste.” She but Christy’s earlobe. “I like fucking you,” she whispered into Christy’s ear, her hips starting to move against the other woman. “I want to take you to bed and fuck you right now. And I don’t want you to stop me after the first time you cum.” She kissed Christy hard, her tongue slipping inside the woman’s mouth. 

“You’re the first,” Christy said under her breath, still not wanting to make eye contact with Alanna. 

“First what?” Alanna was confused. 

“The first person I’ve ever had an orgasm with,” she said, clearly embarrassed. 

“Really?”

Christy nodded.

Alanna smiled. She knew she couldn’t be the first woman Christy was with or her first love, but she relished the thought of being her first something. “That makes me really happy,” she whispered into Christy’s ear. “I want to be your first, last, and only. Come on, I’m taking you to bed.”

“Ok, but to sleep. We can’t...they’ll hear us.”

“I can be quiet,” Alanna said confidently. 

“Um... based on last night, no. You can’t.”

“Well, you’re quiet, so...” Alanna shrugged, grabbing Christy’s hands and pulling her up off the couch. “Come on.” 


	10. She’s a Good One

**2019.07.25**

* * *

Alanna and Christy, their naked bodies tangled together, were awakened by a knock on the door and Kayla’s voice letting Alanna know that their parents were coming over for brekkie within the hour. Christy got up, looking for her clothes, only to be hit in the back of the head by a Westfield Matildas t-shirt That Alanna threw at her. “I’m keeping this, and I’m going to cherish it forever,” Christy said, admiring the number 14 on the back of the shirt.  
“You can wear it to my games,” Alanna smirked.  
“No.” Christy shook her head. “I’m gonna need a real jersey if I’m to be a W.A.G.,” she said said with a wink.  
Alanna laughed and kissed Christy. “I think I can make that happen. So...you’re ok? We’re ok? You’re not going to murder my sister?”  
“For looking out for you? No. It’s all good.”  
The women left the bedroom and found Kayla drinking coffee at the table. She looked up at them but didn’t say anything.  
“Ok, I’m going to grab an Uber back to the train station. Thank you for dinner last night, Kayla,” Christy said.  
“What do you mean? You’re staying for brekkie. And all day, honestly, if you don’t have other plans,” Alanna said.  
“I was going to go to the Blue Mountains today, but it’s kind of late for that. I’ll probably walk around the Royal Botanic Gardens. But I’m not staying for breakfast. Your parents don’t need to see me here this morning, too.”  
“Just tell them we stayed up talking for too long and by the time we realized it, it was too late for you to take the train back into the city,” Kayla interjected. “Or,” she hesitated, “you could just tell them the truth.”  
“Which is what, exactly?” Alanna asked.  
“Tell them she’s your girlfriend,” Kayla shrugged.

Alanna stumbled over her words. “I... we... we haven’t...”

“We haven’t really talked about it,” Christy interrupted.  
Kayla laughed. “Oh come on. This thing you have going on isn’t going to stop when you both fly back to America. You two are crazy about each other. Anyone can see that. And I had to hear it last night.”  
“Fuck,” Christy said under her breath. And then looking at Alanna, “I told you you’re not quiet.”   
Alanna could only shrug. “It’s your fault. You don’t have to be that good.” Her eyes were twinkling.

“Gross,” Kayla said, sighing.

“So you’ll stay then? Please? I’ll tell them about us.”  
“Well I have something to ask you if I am going to stay,” Christy said dramatically, taking Alanna’s hands in hers. “Alanna Kennedy, will you be my girlfriend?”  
Alanna had to try hard to not burst out laughing, but she couldn’t help it. “You know you’re the cutest, right?” Alanna asked, cupping Christy’s face in her hands.  
“So that’s a yes then?” Christy wanted to know.  
“Yes, that’s absolutely a yes!”  
“You know you don’t have to tell them, right?” Christy said seriously.  


“We’ll see how it goes,” Alanna said. She couldn’t help but think about her own coming out as a teenager, that thankfully, wasn’t really even a coming out. She never had the awkward, “Mum, dad, I’m gay” conversation, and for that she was relieved. She met Kyah when she was called-up to the Senior National Team. Kyah was already a veteran on the team at that point, but she took a shine to Alanna, and the two became inseparable. They roomed together, free to explore each other’s bodies without any parental restrictions. They started spending all their free time outside of camp together. Then one day, Alanna’s dad caught them kissing in Kyah’s car. He didn’t say a word about it then, but later told Alanna that he wished she knew his love for her was unconditional and that she had felt comfortable enough to tell him about her girlfriend. He also told Alanna that he wouldn’t tell her mom, but that she should. She didn’t. But she knew her mom had figured it out; with Kyah at all of their holidays and birthdays and family gatherings, how could she not? One day, relatively early on, she pulled Alanna aside and warned her to be careful. The age difference in years wasn’t great, but in maturity and life experiences, it was at that point. She never tried to stop Alanna from seeing Kyah though. There wouldn’t have been a point considering how much time Alanna was away from home and with Kyah, travelling and training, with both the national team and in the W-League. Alanna’s parents treated Kyah like another daughter. She was always welcome in their home and Alanna was careful not to let on that anything was wrong during their many breakups. She watched Christy help Kayla make brekkie, as if nothing had happened the night before, and she decided she’d just let her parents figure it out in their own time. Words, feelings, were too hard for her sometimes, though she didn’t understand why.  
When they arrived, Alanna’s parents didn’t seem particularly surprised that Christy was still there, and thankfully, during the meal, there was no repeat of talk about Kyah. After they had finished eating, the kids begged to go to the beach, and the family agreed since it was a particularly mild and sunny July day.

When Alanna went to her room to change, Christy tried once more to leave, first saying again that this was Alanna’s family time and then trying the argument that she didn’t have anything with her to wear to the beach. “Nonsense,” Alanna said. “The water’s too cold, you don’t need swimmers. Just spend the day with us. We’ll go back into the city later and stay at your hotel tonight.” Christy tried to argue, but Alanna pointed out that Christy was leaving tomorrow, but that she still had a few days left to spend with her family.  
At the beach, the adults relaxed while the kids built a sandcastle, but soon Alanna’s nephew was bored and wanted to play in the water. His dad, who would typically brave the winter water with him, was at work, so he tried to get Kayla to take him in. When she refused, he begged Alanna. “Come on, don’t you take ice baths? This is not nearly as bad,” Kayla laughed.

Alanna grumbled. She loved him, but she really didn’t want to get up and play in the cold water.  
“I’ll take him, if y’all are ok with it,” Christy jumped in, saving Alanna.

“Go for it,” Kayla shrugged.

“I reckon you’re going to regret this,” Alanna said, shaking her head. But she smiled as she watched Christy walk hand in hand with her nephew towards the ocean. Soon, they were splashing around in the shallows, and Alanna knew it was only a matter of time until he wanted to go deeper. The child didn’t experience cold like normal people. She propped herself up on her elbows so she could watch the two of them, Christy holding both of his hands to jump him over each wave. She couldn’t hear them, but she could see them throwing their heads back, laughing with each splash. Then, he was in Christy’s arms as they waded deeper, past the break, to ride the gentle ebb and flow of the clear, blue-green waters. Alanna nudged Kayla. “Look at them,” she said.  
“It’s got to be bloody cold, I don’t know how they’re standing it.” Kayla laid back down in the sun, but Alanna kept watching. _She’s so good with him, and she looks so happy,_ Alanna thought.

When they finally came back to shore, Alanna’s niece wanted to go swimming with Christy too. “She won’t last as long as he did,” Alanna said, apologetically.  
Alanna was right, and Christy came back onto the beach, dripping wet, less than 10 minutes later. “So much for not needing a swimsuit, huh?” she said, sitting next to where Alanna was lying on a towel.  
“How was I supposed to know you’re crazy?” Alanna asked.  
“Well you two weren’t going to get in with them. What was I supposed to do? And honestly, it’s not that cold. Not like our ocean in winter.”

“Riiiight. Did you look around? No one else was out there, all the way in.”

Christy shrugged and got up to go play with the kids again, lying down next to them, not a single worry about the fact that she was going to be absolutely covered in sand when she got up. Alanna watched in awe as Christy dug and designed an elaborate race track in the sand for their monster trucks, crafting hills for flips and even tunnels. They squealed and giggled in delight as they played together. _God, I bet she’s a good mum_, Alanna thought. The waves started coming up a bit higher on the beach, water beginning to lap into their racetrack. Alanna’s dad got out of his chair and asked if the kids wanted to play frisbee, giving Christy a break. She came back to Alanna’s side, sitting quietly.  
Alanna reached over and took her hand. “What’s wrong?” she asked.  
Christy shook her head, staring out at the water. “I just miss my kids. They were supposed to be here. They’d love it here,” she whispered.  
Alanna squeezed Christy’s hand. She hadn’t thought about how it might be hard for Christy to spend the day at the beach playing with kids close in age to her own children. She felt awful, and didn’t know what to do. “Do you want to go for a walk?” she asked.  
Christy nodded, rising and pulling Alanna up off of her towel. Alanna took her hand, and the two walked silently along the edge of the water, until they found a rocky outcrop where they could sit. Christy rested her head on Alanna’s shoulder. “Ugh. You’re getting me all sandy. And wet,” she joked, causing Christy to laugh and roll her eyes. Then, more serious, she asked, “What are we supposed to do? About us? With you leaving tomorrow?”  
“I don’t go back to work for a couple weeks. Do you want me to come visit you in Orlando?”  
“Yes! When do you go back to work? We don’t have a game for a while still, but maybe you can make one?”  
“August 12th.”  
“Our next game is on the 10th!” Alanna said, excitedly. “Can I fly you out for it? Well, before it so I can see you. I get back to Orlando on the 29th. You can spend the whole week with me if you want?”  
“I’ll definitely come see you! But you’re not buying my plane ticket.”

“And what if I do? Are you not going to come then?”  
Christy just shook her head. “We better head back, in case they’re ready to leave.” They walked back as they had come, hand in hand, feet splashing in the water, in silence.

Everyone was getting hungry, so they headed to the change rooms and put on clean clothes, then made their way to a nearby shop for fish and chips before returning home. Alanna told her parents goodbye and promised she would see them tomorrow. Her mom went up to Christy, and gave her a big hug, “Maybe we’ll see you around the holidays,” she said, winking. And then she turned to hug Alanna, gripping her forearm and whispering in her ear, “She’s a good one.” Alanna squeezed her mom tighter, relieved.   
After her parents left, Alanna went and packed a bag with a few things so she could stay at Christy’s hotel. She and Christy said goodbye to Kayla’s family and headed towards the door. “Thanks for playing with the kids today, they had a great time,” she said, walking them out. Christy smiled and nodded. “You were really great with them,” Kayla continued. “Are you wanting more kids or are you done since you already have two?”  
“Kayla, seriously!” Alanna yelled.  
“What? These are important questions,” Kayla retorted.  
“She’s not answering that, I’m not letting her answer that. You’re too much. And anyway, our Uber is here,” Alanna said, pulling Christy behind her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	11. Hot Damn, Hot Water, Hot Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**2019.07.25**

* * *

By the time the couple got back to the hotel, it was starting to get dark. “I think we should take advantage of those bathtub views,” Alanna said, pressing Christy up against the door as soon as they were inside the room. Alanna kissed Christy, sucking on her tongue and nibbling at her lower lip.“I like you wearing my clothes,” she said as she admired the Matildas shirt on her girlfriend, “but I’d like it better on the floor,” she whispered as she lifted shirt over Christy’s head and nibbles on her earlobe. 

“I think I need to rinse all of this sand off in the shower before we get in the tub. Care to join me in there first?” Christy asked, grabbing Alanna by the shirt and pulling her into the bathroom.

They undressed each other slowly, appreciating each other’s bodies as they removed articles of clothing one at a time. Fingertips and lips explored bare skin. Stepping into the hot shower, Alanna started kissing Christy with reckless abandon, squeezing one of her breasts while her other hand slid in between Christy’s legs. Christy grabbed Alanna’s wrists, pinning her arms against the shower wall and putting a stop to it. “First this,” Christy said, grabbing the shampoo off the shelf. Alanna pouted. This was not the kind of shower she wanted. Christy began washing her hair while Alanna stared in disbelief. “Well go on then,” Christy encouraged as she stepped under the water to rinse the shampoo. Begrudgingly, Alanna took the shampoo, and started washing her hair while Christy quickly lathered up her own body and rinsed the sand and soap off. Alanna stepped under the water to rinse her hair and then stared at her girlfriend, arms crossed over her chest.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Christy said, grabbing the body wash and squiring a generous amount in her palm. She began rubbing her hands together, and let them glide over Alanna’s shoulders. Alanna uncrossed her arms and Christy pinned them against the shower wall again, kissing Alanna passionately. Alanna closed her eyes and let out a soft “mmmmm” as Christy ran a hand from Alanna’s wrist, down the inside of her arm, passing just beside her breast, and following her ribs. Alanna was breathing heavily as Christy’s hands made their way to Alanna’s breasts. Every time Alanna tried to start touching Christy again, Christy pinned her arms back against the wall, holding her wrists together with one hand as the other hand continued working, cleaning. “Behave yourself,” Christy whispered, letting go of Alanna’s wrists. She bent down and rubbed her hands down the outside of Alanna’s legs and then back up the insides, stopping just shy of where Alanna wanted them to go. Alanna whined. “Turn around,” Christy commanded, and Alanna complied, pressing up against the wall. Christy lathered up Alanna’s back, running her nails across her skin as she did. God how Alanna loved having her back scratched. Christy let her hands brush over Alanna’s buttocks just briefly, and then she told Alanna to rinse off. Alanna did, letting the hot water fall over her back and shoulders.

Christy turned Alanna around, pushing her up against the wall of the shower again, pressing her own naked body into Alanna’s. She kissed the back of Alanna’s neck, her hands finding Alanna’s breasts. She played with Alanna’s nipples and kissed her shoulder. Slowly, her hands made their way down the sides of Alanna’s stomach, fingers barely making contact with skin as she traced Alanna’s v-line. Christy wrapped one arm low around Alanna’s waist while her other hand found Alanna’s clit, rubbing it with increasing pressure. Alanna moaned. Christy pulled her hands away, resting them on Alanna’s hips while she slowly, gently kissed down along Alanna’s spine. She stopped at Alanna’s tailbone.

Moving around in front, Christy knelt between Alanna’s legs, guiding one over her shoulder. Alanna put one arm against the wall for support and leaned her head against it, using her other hand to guide Christy’s head as Christy licked and sucked Alanna’s clit. Alanna groaned with pleasure as Christy slid two fingers inside of her. Licking and caressing her G-spot, Christy brought Alanna to orgasm, feeling her warm fluids mixing with the water from the shower as it fell over her face while Alanna cried out, “Fuck yes, baby!” Alanna’s legs were quivering. Christy stood up between Alanna and the wall, pulling her girlfriend close and kissing her along her collarbone.

Alanna tilted Christy’s head up towards her and kissed her hard as she twisted Christy’s nipple in between her fingers. Christy bit Alanna’s lip and Alanna twisted harder. She let her fingertips make their way down Christy’s stomach and she slid two fingers inside of her girlfriend. Alanna began fucking her girlfriend slowly. Christy’s moans were barely audible as she buried her head in Alanna’s shoulder. Alanna began fucking her deeper, causing Christy’s nails to dig into Alanna’s back. Alanna sped up and pressed her thumb into Christy clit, causing Christy to throw her head back in ecstasy and cry out. Alanna sucked on Christy’s exposed neck as she came. Christy pulled Alanna in as tightly as possible, continuing to let out small moans as she tried to slow her breathing. Alanna pushed the wet hair out of Christy’s face, tucking a strand behind her ear. She cupped Christy’s face in her hands and kissed Christy on the forehead, her eyelids, and her nose before pushing their foreheads together, their eyes closed as their breathing and heart rates returned to normal. Christy shivered. “How about we check out that bathtub now?” Alanna asked quietly. Christy nodded. 


	12. Bubbles and Bathtub Selfies

> ** 2019.07.25 **

* * *

Christy stepped out of the shower and began filling the tub, while Alanna, soaking wet, ran into the bedroom, naked.“What the hell are you doing?” Christy called after her, laughing.

In a flash, Alanna was back and squirting copious amount of bubble bath into the tub while giggling like a child. “I packed the essentials,” she said.

“This does not bode well for our future. You did see that I packed for two weeks in basically a backpack, right? Minimalist life for the win.” Christy slid into the tub.

“Ridiculous is what that is. You brought two pairs of shoes on a two week trip. I’d need a suitcase of only shoes.” Alanna slid into the tub as well, leaning back against Christy. “Admit it. You’re thrilled I thought to pack bubble bath. And here you’ve failed. There’s no music, no candles, rose petals, champagne. What kind of bath is this?”

“Music, I can manage,” Christy said, grabbing her phone off the ledge. “The rest? Well, I guess there’s just gonna have to be a next time.”

“Let me see your Spotify,” Alanna said, taking the phone and scrolling through. “You’re taste isn’t horrible, for an American. This will do,” she said as she chose a playlist.

Christy feigned offense. “My taste in music is killer! I’m going to make a playlist for you. You’ll see.” She tried to grab her phone, but Alanna held it just out of her reach, and opened the camera app. “What are you doing?”

“Bathtub selfies. Smile.”

“No, stop. We’re not taking bathtub selfies,” Christy complained.

“We are. Aren’t you glad we have all these bubbles to hide things?” Alanna nudged Christy in the ribs. “Smile.” And Christy did. Alanna knew there was no way Christy could help it and she loved that. Christy kissed Alanna’s cheek and shoulder as Alanna kept snapping away. “Look how cute we are,” Alanna said as she scrolled through the pictures. She set the phone down and leaned back into her girlfriend, enjoying Christy’s strong arms wrap around her. “You’re going to be glad you have those when your back in America and missing me.” She paused for a moment, then asked, “when will I get to see you? I mean, how often?”

“Well I’ll come to Orlando before I go back to work. And do you play in Houston again?”

“No, that’s a home game for us.”

“I have 9 days off for Thanksgiving. And two weeks off for Winter Break. You know your mom invited me to come for Christmas.”

“She didn’t!” Alanna exclaimed 

“She did. Anyway, you’ll be back in the US in what, March or April for the next NWSL season? That sounds manageable, right?”

Alanna nodded but it didn’t sound manageable to her at all. What if Christy cheated on her? Or, given the the distance and time apart, just decided it wasn’t worth it. Either situation was a realistic possibility. She felt a tightening in her lungs and she squirmed to free an arm so she could touch the JUST BREATHE tattoo on the back of her neck, her own way of trying to calm herself. Christy’s voice brought her back to reality.

“Do you want to know my answer? To your sister’s question?”

Alanna had almost forgotten about Kayla’s continued prying that afternoon. She nodded, still unable to speak, but then found her voice. “Only if you want to answer. You don’t have to.”

“Well I’d say that topic is certainly a deal-breaker either way for most people. We should probably sort out whether or not we’re on the same page for important things like kids before I make an appearance at Christmas.”

Alanna let out a small chuckle in agreement. “All right then.”

“Of course I would want to have babies with you,” Christy said, resting her chin on Alanna’s head. “If you want them, that is. I assume you do since your sister asked.”

“I want kids, absolutely. I don’t know how to fit that in with my career, but I’ve always wanted kids.”

“You’ll make a great mom. And,” Christy added, tilting her head to look at Alanna, “you’ll make some beautiful babies!”

“You’ll make a great mum, too. I mean, you already are a great mum, I’m sure. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re a mum.” Alanna interlaced her fingers with Christy’s and wrapped Christy’s arms back around her chest.

“No worries,” Christy said. “Tell me about your deal breakers?”

“I...I wouldn’t put up with someone cheating on me again. I’d never be talked into giving a second chance again. That was a mistake. Lying in general is another one. Even something like lying about where you are or what you’re doing, I don’t think I can handle anymore. The thought of trusting someone and being lied to, it would crush me and I’d question everything going forward and drive myself crazy. Trust is massive for me. I’d like to say that someone being controlling would be a dealbreaker for me, but honestly, I feel like I’m probably just as controlling now, so that would be hypocritical. And kids. Someone not wanting kids. I’ve always wanted to be a mum. What are yours?”

“I only have one - marriage. I was with someone who refused to get married, even when we were happy. She said she didn’t want the attention, which really meant that she didn’t want to have to come out. Then it became about me having to be perfect for x number of months before we could go to the courthouse, but perfection is impossible when you’re always being yelled at for something you probably didn’t even do. If we had been married though, I wouldn’t be in this position with my kids, having to prove that I’m a parent. Marriage would have automatically done that for me in my backwards state.”

“So you just want to get married because of kids?” Alanna asked. 

“No. Not at all. I want to get married because I can’t imagine being madly in love with someone and going through life without that commitment. I’d always doubt that the person actually loved me if she was unwilling to marry me. And I don’t want to be in a relationship again where I feel like I’m not loved. As far as kids are concerned though, there’s no way I’d have kids with someone without being married first. Ever again.”

“Does it scare you? The thought of having more kids? Considering...” Alanna trailed off.

“Lots of things scare me, that’s certainly one of them. I grew up thinking love was a fairytale and it was forever and now I know that it’s not always. But I want to be happy as much as possible and that means doing things that are scary. And maybe getting hurt again. Is it hard for you to imagine trusting someone again?”

Alanna bit her lip and nodded.

“So what can I do? To help make it better.” Christy asked.

Alanna didn’t want to talk about it. She felt like she was going to cry and she didn’t want to cry. Instead, she turned around straddling Christy, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s neck. She stared into Christy’s eyes. She knew she could talk to her, and that she should talk to her, but it was too hard for her to open up all the way. And she really, really enjoyed being able to distract Christy. She felt power in that. Alanna slowly started rocking her hips against her girlfriend, savoring the feeling of Christy’s hands sliding down her back. She leaned in and began kissing Christy, and felt Christy’s hands make their way to her ass, finger digging in to her skin. Christy had almost made it a point to hardly touch her butt at all, and Alanna loved this new feeling as Christy pulled her closer. Alanna began grinding harder against Christy, and then she felt Christy’s fingers inside of her. Alanna rode her fingers until Christy pulled them out and began rubbing her clit. “Faster,” Alanna moaned, and within a few seconds of Christy responding, Alanna came, biting down hard on her girlfriend’s shoulder to avoid screaming. Christy jumped from the pain.

“Sorry,” Alanna said, breathlessly, touching the mark she had left. Then, admiring it, she added, “I just wanted to make sure that if you have another girl back home, she knows what you did on holiday.”

Christy smirked, kissing the mark she had left earlier on Alanna’s shoulder. “That’s fine. Your chick back in Orlando is going to find out about us, too.”

Alanna laughed, “For real though, my teammates are going to find out. And they’re not going to let me live it down.” 

“Make-up?” Christy shrugged. “I guess you’d just sweat it off though. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re coming to visit me. I was going to tell them about you anyway.” Then leaning forward and whispering in Christy’s ear, she added, “I like when you touch my butt. It turns me on.”

Christy squeezed Alanna butt again for good measure and said, “It’s getting kinda cold in here, let’s get out.”

They drained the tub and rinsed off, then covered themselves in the plush bathrobes from the bedroom closet. Lying down on the bed together, holding hands, Alanna asked, “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

“Three. I was thinking I’d aim to be at the train station around 12:00 or 12:30.”

“Too early. Our security isn’t ridiculous like TSA in American. If you head to the airport at 1, you’ll be fine.”

“You just want me to miss my flight,” Christy joked.

“That’s not a bad idea. Stay here a few more days and fly back to Orlando with me.” But Alanna quickly added, “I’m kidding. Seriously though, that gives us enough time tomorrow.”

“Enough time for what?” Christy asked.

“Things,” Alanna said coyly. “And a coffee date. Maybe a walk around the Gardens since I ruined your plans today.”

Christy asked if Alanna wanted to order room service since neither of them had any intention of going out to get food. They looked over the menu and decided on the order. Alanna called down to the front desk. “Yes, I’d like to request a late checkout. Just an hour. One o’clock should be fine. Thank you. Can you transfer me to the kitchen? I’d like to order room service.” She looked at Christy and whispered, “What? I want as much time with you as possible.” 

After they had finished dinner, Alanna grabbed her phone and cuddled against Christy’s chest. “I want to tell you all about my teammates so you know who everyone is when you come visit me,” she said, scrolling through her phone.

“Ok, but I watch NWSL games, babe, I can probably recognize a lot of them.”

“Really?” Alanna asked with a hint of disbelief.

“I told you I played in college. And coached at the high school I was teaching at for awhile. I’m a fan.”

“Who’s this?” Alanna said, quizzing Christy.

“It’s Ali Krieger. You can’t ask me national team players, that’s too easy.”

“Ok,” Alanna showed her another picture.

“Emily van Egmond. Still a national team player.”

“But not your national team. She’s my best mate. We live together in Orlando. She’s super chill. You’ll love her.” Alanna showed her another picture.

“Rachel Hill.”

“Damn. Ok. She’s Em’s girlfriend, so she’s basically always around. She’s a sweetheart.” Alanna scrolled through a bunch more photos. “One more. She’s one of my favorite people on the team. We played together years ago in the W-League.”

“Oh, that’s....” Christy hesitated and Alanna finally thought she had her. “Shelina. Zadorsky. She plays for Canada, right? I didn’t know she played in the W-League.”

“Yeah, we played together in Perth. I have to say, I’m impressed.”

“You may not be dating a soccer player anymore, but I’ll still be able to talk shop with you, and I won’t ask idiotic questions after your games,” Christy promised. 

“That’s a relief,” Alanna laughed. “Then do you want to see my photos from the World Cup? Well, France?” she asked. Christy nodded and Alanna found them, handing over her phone and telling Christy to scroll backwards as Alanna narrated. “Oh um, that’s all, that’s our camp before the tournament in Turkey,” Alanna said uncomfortably. She took her phone and quickly scrolled the other direction. She saw Christy looking at her quizzically. “It was a photo of Kyah. I’m sorry.”

“Show me,” Christy said.

“No... I um...” Alanna didn’t know what to say. 

“It’s ok Alanna.”

“Fine.” She scrolled back and found the pictures of camp.

“She’s really pretty,” Christy commented.

Alanna nodded. “I can delete them.”

“Why would you do that?” Christy asked.

“Well I wouldn’t want you to have pictures of your ex on your phone....” Alanna said.

“I get that. I probably don’t have any of only her or even just the two of us, but I’m not going to delete pictures of her and the kids. And I don’t think you should delete pictures of Kyah. It doesn’t bother me if that’s what you’re worries about. She was a huge part of your life. You were still together here?”

Alanna nodded.

”What happened?” Christy asked.

”When we lost, in PKs, to Norway, I had a really hard time with it. Because of my red card. I felt like I let the team down. Marc gave me permission to take some extra time, you know, to process everything. Kyah wanted me to come back and stay with her in Houston. I chose to spend it traveling around Europe with my family. We were all already over there; it seemed ridiculous to miss out on that. Then this break we have, we got some days off and Kyah thought I’d go to Houston to see her but I told her I bought a ticket home. She was livid, and she said if I didn’t come to see her, she was done. I told her that I wasn’t changing my plans, that I missed my family. She told me that while I had been galavanting around Europe with my parents after the World Cup, she had gone up to Portland to see Ellie. She’s our teammate. She’s the girl Kyah hooked up with when we were broken up before.” 

“I’m sorry,” Christy said, holding her tighter.

“Can I see pictures of your kids?” Alanna asked, changing the subject.

Christy sighed, picking up her phone. Unlocking it, she scrolled back past all of her photos from the trip and then handed it to Alanna. “There might be some dog or food photos in there, but it’s mostly my kiddos.”

“They’re so adorable!” Alanna commented, looking through the photos. “He looks like you,” she said pointing to Christy’s oldest.

“Everyone’s said that since birth even though they all know I’m not his bio mom. It’s the cheeks.”

“Yeah,” Alanna said, looking over at her girlfriends cheeks. She noticed tears in her eyes and realized that looking at these photos was probably hard on her. “Hey, let’s go to bed.”

Christy nodded. Alanna took off her own robe and threw it on the other bed, and then untied and removed Christy’s. “What?” she asked. “I don’t like clothes. It’s not my fault they’re restrictive. And also I like feeling your body on mine,” she added.

Christy shook her head and crawled under the covers. Alanna rested her head on Christy’s arm, tossing an arm and a leg over her girlfriend. She loved how well they fit together even though she was several inches taller than Christy.

“Goodnight, baby,” Christy whispered, kissing the top of Alanna’s head.

“Goodnight, darls,” Alanna responded. She waited a few minutes and didn’t know if Christy was asleep or not, but added in a low voice, “Please don’t ever cheat on me.”

“There’s a lot of things in like that are unpredictable,” Christy said in a sleepy voice. “But there is one thing I can guarantee and that is I will never cheat on you. Ever. Go to sleep.”

But Alanna didn’t go to sleep. She fought drowsiness off until she was sure Christy was sound asleep. Then, she got up and, using only the flashlight on her phone, rifled through Christy’s backpack until she found her passport. Alanna seriously considering hiding her passport altogether, but instead used it to get Christy’s birthdate and address. Then, she opened the Southwest app on her phone and booked Christy a flight to Orlando less than a week after Alanna was going to arrive back. She had to pick a return date the day after the game so that Christy could go back to work, but the days before would give her time to spend with her girlfriend. Satisfied, she put the passport back and climbed into bed.


	13. Dark Jeans and Your Nikes

**2019.07.26**

* * *

Alanna awoke, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. She noticed that the sky was more of a dark blue than black, indicating morning was coming. She hadn’t slept much. She was only half-covered and cold, so she turned over to bury her face in Christy’s chest. Christy immediately put her arm around Alanna and pulled her in tight. She knew Christy was awake because Christy began softly rubbing her back, as if comforting Alanna back to sleep.Alanna thought she could lay like that forever in the warmth and comfort of her girlfriends arms. She realized that this feeling of comfort was new to her because Kyah had never held her - not her hand in public, nor her body in private; Alanna had always been forced to be the one cuddling Kyah. The thought struck Alanna that if this was her life forever, waking up in Christy’s arms, there would be no greater happiness.Their breathing fell in sync. She could feel Christy’s heart pounding. At that moment in time, if Christy had let her, Alanna would’ve paid any change fee on an airline ticket to get Christy to stay longer. But she already knew the answer would be no. She pulled back, suddenly feeling the need to memorize her girlfriend’s face, running her fingers over Christy’s forehead, eyes, cheeks. 

Christy opened her eyes and smiled, touching Alanna’s cheek too. “How are you so beautiful first thing in the morning?”

“No, I don’t even have any make-up on,” Alanna blushed.

“I know. You’re more beautiful without it. So, how about we go get a coffee?”

“It’s early,” Alanna whined. “Let’s just stay in bed.”

“Or, we can get up, have coffee, and see the sunrise,” Christy countered.

“Fine,” Alanna pouted, rolling out of bed. She slipped on a pair of jeans and a black tee that read “Sunday Sessions.”

“Why are you wearing my t-shirt,” Christy asked, confused. “I thought you brought clothes.”

“I did, but I like yours.”

“But it was packed. How?” Christy asked

“I went through your bag to see what you had. So I could think about you when you’re gone. Are you mad?”

“No. That’s kinda cute. And it looks better on you anyway. I’ll need an Orlando shirt when I come visit you though,” Christy winked.

“Done. Let’s go.” Alanna said, grabbing her camera.

The two women walked towards the Royal Botanic Gardens in search of a coffee shop along the way. They found one, and ducked inside, ordering and taking a seat at a small table in the corner. When their coffees came, Alanna immediately took a picture of the coffee art for Instagram. 

“Wait,” Christy said, stopping Alanna before she was able to disturb her cup. “I want a picture too, but let’s make it better.” She grabbed Alanna’s hand next to their cups and shot down. “There. Latte art and us.”

“Let me see.”

“Hang on, I’m sending it to you.”

Alanna opened her message and a smile immediately spread across her face. Underneath the picture, Christy had typed, “Cheers to second dates. May neither of us ever have to go on another.”

“Love,” Alanna said warmly, “this is so cute. It belongs on Insta.”

“Nah, that’s not a good idea. You’re a public figure. It’s going to be all over social media if you do that.”

“I don’t care if the whole world knows,” Alanna said confidently. “It’s not going to change anything. Unless you don’t want it out there for some reason?”

“It’s not going to change my life one bit if you post it, if that’s what you’re asking. My ex isn’t even on Instagram, as far as I know. I just don’t know that you should put all your business out there, I guess.”

“Ok, I won’t tag you then. We’ll be mysterious.” She sounded dejected. “Everyone will know I’m taken but not by whom.” Alanna perked up slightly as she added the photo and commentary to her story. Alanna moved to the other side of the table to sit next to Christy. Christy scooted her chair closer to Alanna and she felt Christy’s hand on her thigh. She covered Christy’s hand with her own, giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the cheek before sipping her coffee.

Their server approached them and asked Alanna, “You play for the Matildas, right? Alanna Kennedy?” Alanna nodded, surprised. “Do you want me to take a picture of you two?” the server continued.

After a brief pause from shock, Alanna said, “Pardon?”

“Sorry, its not my business, it’s just I couldn’t help but notice that you two look like you’re just so in love and I know selfies aren’t always the best so I thought I’d offer to take a picture for you.”

“Erm... ok.... yeah,” Alanna stammered. “Thank you, that would be nice.” She put her arm around Christy and leaned in close to her while the server counted to 3.

Then, Christy looked around quickly and realizing the cafe was still relatively empty, kissed Alanna on the cheek, causing a huge smile to break out across Alanna’s face. “Did you get that?” Christy asked.

“Sure did,” the server said, handing the phone back. “Enjoy!”

“No one knows who you are, huh?” Christy asked sarcastically.

Alanna ignored her, looking at the photos. “Aw, I love this one,” she exclaimed, showing Christy. “This needs to go on Insta, too.”

“Let’s just wait awhile for that,” Christy implored.

“What’s going on,” Alanna asked, concerned. “Do you really not want people to know we’re together.”

“It’s not that at all,” Christy assured Alanna. “I just think that you should make sure that this is for real first, like it’s going to last, before you go posting photos of us that are going to be shared and reblogged hundreds of times.”

What Alanna wanted to say was that she WAS sure. But was Christy not sure? Is that why she wanted to keep a low profile? Or was it really out of respect for Alanna’s life as a professional athlete? Not knowing scared her, but the thought of asking scared her too. Instead, she just said ok and then changed the subject. “So, about you coming to visit,” Alanna opened up the Southwest app on her phone and handed it to Christy. “I did a thing.”

Taking the phone, Christy saw that Alanna had purchased a ticket for her to fly to Orlando for a week in August. “Alanna, I told you I would buy a ticket and come see you...”

“I know, but I didn’t want you to pay for it,”  Alanna interrupted. But what she didn’t say was that she was slightly afraid Christy would fly home today and never come see her in Florida. 

“Well then I’m just going to pay you back.”

Alanna shook her head and took Christy’s hands, turning her body towards her girlfriend. “Please, let me do this for you. I’m sure I can think of other ways for you to repay me while you’re visiting if you really want to,” she winked. “Don’t be mad.”

Christy sighed. “I’m not mad.”

“Good, then I have something else to tell you. Look at your Spotify,” Alanna said nodding towards Christy’s phone. “I started a playlist for us.”

“Called ‘Us,’” Christy commented a moment later. “I was going to go with something like, ‘An Aussie Stole My Heart,’” but this will work.” Christy looked at the two songs Alanna had added. “Nice,” she commented.

“So you’re not mad?”

“Mad? It’s super cute. I love it! We can add songs for each other.” Christy was confused.

“But I literally used your face to unlock your phone while you were sleeping last night,” Alanna admitted.

“Of course you did. How else would you have added to my playlist? I haven’t given you my login yet. I’m surprised I slept that hard last night though, I had no clue you were up on my phone, going through my luggage, buying plane tickets. Did you sleep?”

“Well no, not much honestly, but I could have gone through you phone. That should make you mad.”

“But did you?” Christy asked.

“No,” Alanna said. “But I could have.”

“But you didn’t. Look if you want to see 14,000 picture of my kids and my texts with my ex about the kids, you’re more than welcome to. Is what you did an invasion of privacy? Probably yes. But there is literally nothing in my phone that I have to hide. Or in my life. So I have absolutely no reason to be angry with you.”

Alanna stared at Christy in disbelief.

“Do you want me to be mad at you, or what?” Christy asked. She sounded slightly annoyed. “Because I’m not playing that game, Alanna. You can try all you want to sabotage this or to test me, but it’s not going to work. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to leave, no matter what. I’m not her. You don’t have to believe me, but there’s just not much you can do that’s going to make me angry. I don’t have it in me anymore unless it involves my kids. So test me, if that’s what you want, try to prove to yourself that I’m just going to hurt you too, but you’re not going to get anywhere.”

Alanna leaned into her girlfriend, “I’m sorry, she whispered.”

“It’s fine. I know you’re scared even if you don’t want to admit it. I know you don’t want to talk about it because you constantly avoid it, but at some point, you’re going to have to either trust me or talk to me. Come on,” Christy said, squeezing Alanna’s hand under the table. “let’s go take a walk.”

The two women left the cafe and headed the short distance to the gardens. As they neared the water, Alanna took out her camera, snapping a few photos of Christy as she looked out over the water. “Turn around,” she said.

“What are you doing?” Christy asked.

“When you were scrolling through your photos trying to find pictures of your kids, I noticed you didn’t have any of you from your trip. I’m fixing that.”

“I don’t need photos. I’m not into selfies,” Christy said, trying to persuade Alanna to stop.

“You’ve travelled to two counties halfway around the world. You need pictures that have you in them. And if you don’t want them, that’s too bad, because I want pictures of you.”

Christy tolerated Alanna for a few more minutes, smiling when she was told to, looking where Alanna directed her to, it then finally said, “My turn,” as she held our her hand for Alanna’s camera.

“Oh, so you want pictures of me now? Finally decided you’re going to miss me?” Alanna teased.

Christy took the camera and went to work as Alanna posed, enjoying the attention. When she finished, she handed the camera back and Alanna quickly clicked through the photos. “These are good!”

“You sound... surprised? I own that same camera. I know how to use it. I love photography. Now, how about a selfie of us together?”

Alanna set her camera down and wrapped her arm around her girlfriend, pressing her cheek up against Christy. Then, she continued snapping photos on her phone as she kissed Christy.Afterwards, the two continued their walk around the gardens, hand in hand. Alanna noticed that anytime they began to approach someone, Christy’s immediate response was to try to drop Alanna’s hand, but Alanna held hers tightly so she couldn’t. On the way back, they sat for awhile on a bench, asking each other silly hypothetical questions that brought out massive amounts of laughter as they continued to get to know one another. Finally, Alanna asked, “Are you ready to head back to the hotel?” and Christy nodded. 

Back in the hotel room, Alanna said, “Wow, we walked quite a few clicks this morning,” as the two women collapsed onto the bed. The realization that Christy was going to be leaving in a few hours was finally starting to sink in for Alanna but she pushed it out of her mind temporarily. She laid her head on Christy’s stomach and the two women took a few minutes to airdrop photos to each other and to pull photos from Alanna’s camera into the Canon app.Alanna showed Christy a photo that Christy had taken from her. “This one is so lovely, darls,” Alanna said, “it’s going on the gram. No photo creds?” 

“Nope,” Christy replied. “And you’re not getting credit either.” Christy had turned on notifications for Alanna’s posts, and her phone dinged a moment later. Alanna had chosen a photo of herself sitting on the sea wall, one leg propped up, the other hanging over. Her hands rested on her knee and she was looking off into the distance, with the blurry outline of the Opera House and Bridge in the background. The sun was reflecting off the water. Christy commented on her post almost immediately. “Dark jeans and your Nike’s, look at you.” Christy smiled a proud smile. “Look at your post.”

Alanna laughed, “How are you so good at this?” she asked and Christy shrugged. Alanna put her phone down, and set Christy’s aside as well.She snuggled into her girlfriend’s arms. “Will you just hold me until it’s time for you to leave?” Christy didn’t say anything, but held Alanna tightly with one arm while she used her other hand to softly rub Alanna’s head. Time passed too quickly for Alanna as she laid there in the silence listing to Christy’s heartbeat. 

Her girlfriend’s voice cut through the air like a knife.“I have to go now, baby.”Alanna whined and insisted that she wasn’t going to move,but it was to no avail. She sat on the edge of the bed as Christy gathered her belongings. Christy walked over and cupped Alanna’s face in her hands, staring into her eyes. Alanna got the impression that Christy wanted to say something, but the words didn’t come out. Instead, Christy kissed her.Alanna didn’t want it to end, but too soon, her girlfriend had pulled away. Christy offered her hand, pulling Alanna up off the bed, and the two embraced. Alanna buried her head in her girlfriend’s shoulder. Finally, she let go and the two set out for the train station. Tapping their Opal cards, they entered through the turnstiles, finally acknowledging they had to go their separate ways. 

Alanna hugged Christy again tightly. “I’ll see you in 9 days,” she whispered. “It’ll seem like no time at all.” She seemed to be reassuring herself as much as Christy. “You can message me on the flight, right? When you’re not sleeping, I mean? And FaceTime me when you land?”

“I don’t sleep on flights,” Christy said, matter-of-factly. “It causes jet lag. I’ll message you, but I’m not going to call you when I land; it’ll be like 4am!”

“I don’t care,” Alanna whined. “Please call me or FaceTime me when you land.”

“We’ll see,” was all Christy said. “You should go first,” she added, nodding towards the platform Alanna needed.

_ I can’t believe this is so hard. Why is it so hard, _Alanna thought. She quickly kissed Christy one last time, not wanting to upset her by kissing her for too long in public, squeezed her hand, and walked off, turning back to wave right before she rounded the corner. Christy winked and waved back, then turned and disappeared in the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Us” Playlist  
1950 - King Princess (A)  
Secret Love Song - Little Mix. (A)


	14. It’s Not Kyah!

**  
2019.07.26 - 2019.07.29**

**Sydney**

* * *

Alanna was absolutely gutted as she leaned against the window for the long train ride home. Her phone started buzzing, and she looked down - the Orlando group chat. Her teammates must have seen her posts. She read through their texts, but didn’t have the energy to respond.

**BC**: So you REALLY went home to see a girl, not your family, huh?  
**SL**: You’re cheating on me????  
**TP**: I didn’t know you were dating anyone, babe. Why didn’t you tell us?  
**EV**: She’s not dating anyone. I would know. Right Lans?  
**BC**: Lani, why are you ignoring us?  
**EG**: What time is it over there anyway? Maybe she’s asleep?  
**EV**: It’s morning. Deffo ignoring us.  
**AM**: Maybe she met someone.  
**RH**: Lani, did you meet a cute Aussie girl?????  
**SZ**: No way. Did you read what she wrote? This can’t be a new person. That’s too serious. **RH**: What if it’s Kyah?  
**EG**: She said 2nd date.  
**RH**: What if they’re “starting over” again and counting this as a second date?  
**CP**: Can’t be. Kyah’s in Houston. They just played.  
**AH**: Oh thank god.  
**AM**: Seriously.  
**BC**: Laaaaaaaannnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiii. Stop making out with your girl and talk to us.  
**BC**: You alive bruh?

  
And then a text from Em, separate from the group chat

**Em**: What’s going on?

  
Alanna ignored it all and checked Instagram instead, looking through her teammate comments. Lots of hearts and heart eyes, and a question about photo creds on the shot of her near the water. She locked her phone and set it down, closing her eyes. It buzzed again. _God, they’re not going to leave me alone,_ she thought. She opened her eyes to check her phone. It too her a second to realize that was Christy. At some point, probably when they were looking through each other’s pictures, Christy had changed her contact in Alanna’s phone to Sexy Forearms. Alanna started laughing.

**SF**: I like to think I’m pretty go with the flow, and can handle anything. But 9 days away from you is going to be really, really hard. I know that sounds ridiculous because we just met, but I feel like I’ve known you for so much longer than just a few days.  
**A: ** Me, too.  
You know, you hadn’t said anything. I was thinking that maybe you weren’t going to miss me at all.  
**SF**: Of course I am. I’m going to miss holding you, sleeping next to you. I don’t normally sleep well, but next to you, I do.  
I hope the rest of your day is good.  
**A**: Safe flight. When you get bored, text me. 

Feeling better, Alanna decided to respond to Em.  
**A**: Hey. Sorry, Em. So yeah, I met a girl when I got here. An American.  
**Em**: Why didn’t you tell me?  
**AK**: I don’t know, I’ve just been spending all my time with her when I’m not with my family.

Alanna sent a picture, one that she had taken of Christy that morning.

**Em**: She’s pretty! Only you would go home to Straya and meet a cute American. But it’s not serious, right? You just got there.  
**AK**: Em, she’s amazing. She’s funny and she’s kind and she’s patient. I just look at her and I keep hearing this voice that tells me she’s the one. I can’t wait to tell you all about her. And for you to meet her.  
**Em**: .........  
**AK**: She’s coming to Florida after I get back next week. And staying for the game. Hope that’s ok.  
**Em**: For sure.  
.........  
So, you and Ky? Donesies? For real this time? Or is this girl just a for now kinda thing?  
**AK**: I’m done with Kyah for real this time. I feel like I’m in a much better place now. I really like her, Em. I guess I’ll text the team now so they can leave me alone.

**Em**: They’re not going to leave you alone 

  
**AK**: Why are all of you so nosy?  
**BC**: You’re the one who posted your Insta official relationship without telling any of us about it.   
**SL**: I need a new work wife. Mine is no longer acknowledging me.

**DW**: 👈  
**AK**: Yes. I met someone, ok?  
**BC**: Pictures. So we know it’s not Kyah.  
**AK**: It’s not Kyah!  
*Sends pictures*  
**CP**: Hottie!  
**SZ**: Aw, you two look so cute.  
**RH**: You look happy, Lani.

**AM**: Hey, that’s the girl that left the Taylor Swift comment on your post!

**AK**: Why do you know this?

**AM**: Um, because I love Taylor, duh. It was so perfectly fitting that I had to click on her profile.

**BC**: We’re gonna need all the deets.  
**AK**: I’ll be home in a few days.  
**BC**: Ugh. Alex will help us Instastalk her. Right, Al?  
**AK**: You don’t need to, you can meet her in a week. Signing out :-)  
**BC**: Whaaaa???? Did y’all hear that? She’s bringing this chick home with her! We definitely have to stalk her now!

Alanna got off the train and took an Uber home to see her family, but she was distracted all day. Christy hadn’t texted her, and she didn’t want to bother her girlfriend in case she was sleeping. Finally, half past 9 that night, her phone buzzed.

**C**: Still busy with your family?  
**A**: Nope, just in bed, hoping you’d text me. Also why did you change your name in my contacts. I liked what it was before. Don’t get me wrong, this one made me laugh out loud like an idiot on the train, but the first one was better.   
**C**: You could’ve texted me, you know. And I figured it was too long so I went for something shorter. In case you forgot my name, as you do after a vacation fling, I figured you’d remember my one shining physical feature.  
**A**: I didn’t know if you were sleeping. And stop that. You were never a fling.   
**C**: I don’t sleep on planes, I told you that.  
**A**: I thought you were kidding. You could have texted me earlier then.  
**C**: Didn’t want to distract you while you’re spending time with your family.  
**A**: I was distracted all day thinking about you.  
I told my teammates about you. Well, I mean, they started bugging me about the posts. Also, I changed your contact back to your name so they won’t think I’m insane if they see my phone.

**C**: What did you tell them?  
**A**: Just that they can meet you soon. I told Em more, though.  
**C**: Like what?  
**A**: Like that you’re kind and you make me laugh. And that I like you a lot.  
**C**: I like you a lot, too.  
You should go to sleep.  
**A**: I don’t want to.  
**C**: We’ll be one day closer to seeing each other.  
**A**: You’ll call me when you land?  
**C**: We’ll see.  
**A**: That’s a shit answer.  
**C**: *Sends a selfie of her bundled up looking cute in a hoodie, grinning from ear to ear.*. Goodnight.  
**A**: Ugh you’re so cute!  
*Sends a selfie pouting*  
Goodnight

* * *

**4:07 am **

**27.07.19 Sydney**

  
**C:** I really hope you are sound asleep and this doesn’t wake you. I landed, safe and sound. If you are awake, you can call me. If you’re not, then call me when you do wake up. Or when you have time.

Alanna was asleep and didn’t hear her phone. Emotionally exhausted, she had slept in until just after 8. Doing the math in her head, she quickly determined it was around 5pm in Houston - safe to call Christy. Unless, she had crashed when she got home. Better to text, she thought.

  
**A**: Are you awake.  
**C**: Yes. Good morning, sunshine.  
**A** How are you still awake? Did you sleep on the plane at all?

**C:** No

**A**: You’ve been awake for a day and a half, at least.  
**C**: Gay superpower - we don’t need sleep.  
**A**: I didn’t get that gay superpower.  
**C**: That’s ok, I’ll just get to cuddle you more. Facetime me?

* * *

For the next couple of days, Alanna and Christy texted and Facetimed sporadically, mostly when Alanna was waking up or going to sleep, because it worked with the time difference and Christy kept insisting that she not pull Alanna away from her family. Their conversation flowed easily as they got to know each other better. Alanna missed Christy, but she tried to hide it. The middle of the afternoon was the hardest for her because it was night for Christy. Christy refused to really talk much with her because it was her family time. But Alanna’s mind kept racing, wondering if Christy was going out at night. No matter how many times she tried to remind herself that Christy wasn’t Kyah, it was still hard and she found herself impatient to get back to America so they’d be basically in the same time zone; well, close enough.

The morning Alanna was to fly out of Sydney was bittersweet for her. She was going to miss her family, but she took comfort knowing that she’d be back in less than 3 months. More importantly, she was excited to see what she could build with Christy. As she was waiting at the airport to board her flight, she got a text from Christy.

**C:** I beefed up our Spotify playlist so you’d have at least a few more songs to listen to on your flight. Maybe an hours worth. Can’t wait til we’re on the same continent!

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Us” Playlist  
1\. 1950 - King Princess (A)  
2\. Secret Love Song, Pt. II - Little Mix (A)  
3\. Delicate - Taylor Swift (C)  
4\. Peer Pressure - James Bay/Julia Michaels (C)  
5\. Power Over Me - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
6\. Photograph - Boyce Avenue/Bea Miller (C)  
7\. All on Me - Devin Dawson (C)  
8\. Lights Down Low - MAX (C)  
9\. Slow Hands - Niall Horan (C)  
10\. My Attic - Pink (C)  
11\. Just the Way You Are - Lusaint (C)  
12\. Someone to You - Banners (C)  
13\. Beyond - Leon Bridges (C)  
14\. Shelter - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
15\. Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMonagne (C)


	15. Seven Days

**2019.07.29 Orlando**

* * *

  
Alanna exited the airport, pulling her luggage behind her. She stepped out into the Florida heat and humidity. Even at 10 am, it was oppressive. Waiting on the sidewalk, she saw Emily approaching in the car. Em got out and helped Alanna lift her bags into the trunk. “Welcome back, roomie,” she smiled, giving Alanna a big hug.  
“Thanks,” Alanna smiled back. “I missed everyone.”  
“And by everyone, you really mean your girl. You’re already texting her, aren’t you?” Emily asked, nodding to Alanna typing on her phone.  
Alanna felt herself blush. “You know how it is. Time zones make things hard. How was training this morning?” she asked, changing the subject.  
“Good.” Em replied. “We’re just working back into things slowly. You didn’t miss too much the last coupla days. A new short corner. Lots of distribution to the wings.”  
“Well I am glad to be back and I can’t wait to see everyone, but I’m going to have to save my first workout for tomorrow. I’m exhausted.” Even spending the flight in first class, Alanna felt awful after a long-haul flight. She felt her phone vibrate in her hand and laughed at Christy’s response to her text.

  
**C**: I feel closer to you already, what with you only being about 1000 miles away now?  
Now that you’re back, I think it’s a good time to have a conversation about your teammates. They’re all stalking, I mean following, me on Instagram. But I’m pretty sure it’s stalking.   
**A:** Technically, that is your fault. Your Taylor Swift lyrics on my post were cute enough to attract attention, and they clicked on your profile, then realized it was the same person from the picture I sent them.  
**C**: That’s some detective-level shit. 😂 Good thing I scrubbed everything inappropriate from it first.

Alanna looked over at Emily. “You’ve all gone and followed my girlfriend on Insta?” she chided.  
Em laughed. “Pretty much everyone has, yeah. You wouldn’t tell anyone about her, so stalking her sounded like a good secondary option. She’s a riot!” Then, after a pause, Emily added, “She has kids.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a tentative statement, in case Alanna didn’t know.  
“She does,” Alanna acknowledged.   
“What are you doing, Lani?” Emily sounded concerned.  
“She had kids with her ex. She’s not their biological mom, but she’s their mom still, you know? She doesn’t have them all the time. It’s fine.”  
“It’s fine? How is it fine? That’s too much, too much baggage.” Em shook her head.  
“We all have baggage, Em, me especially. This is why I didn’t want to say anything. I wanted everyone to get to know her first before they started judging her.”  
“I just think that after what you’ve dealt with, you need something simple. Something easy.”  
“And I think I need someone who respects me, and who will treat me right, and who makes me feel loved. I don’t think whether or not she has kids impacts any of that.”  
“All I meant was that it’s going to make things more difficult, ya know?” Emily got quiet, but Alanna understood Em was coming from a place of love. And deep down, Alanna knew that it wasn’t as simple as she was making it out to be. If this relationship became serious, Christy wasn’t going to move halfway across the country and leave her kids. And she certainly wasn’t going to move across the ocean to another country. Alanna knew she was getting way ahead of herself, they were nowhere near discussing moving in together, but it still worried her. She had always struggled to stay in the present when future worries loomed so large. She touched her JUST BREATHE tattoo again, trying to regulate her breathing. Em must have noticed the change in Alanna, because she quietly mumbled an apology, and changed the subject, talking to Alanna about her family the rest of the car ride.  
When they made it back to the apartment, Alanna immediately noticed flowers on the counter. “Aw, did Rach get you flowers?” she teased Emily.

Emily shook her head. “Like that will ever happen.”

“Did you get them for me to welcome me back home?” she asked Emily, confused. Emily shook her head again and plopped down on the couch. Alanna walked over to the flowers and saw that the card had her name on it. She got butterflies in her stomach as she opened the envelope.

  
_7 days- We can do it_!

And then underneath...

_You gonna pick me up from the airport or am I gonna have to Uber it?_

Christy sure had a way of injecting humor into situations that were less than ideal, like being apart for another week. She always knew how to make Alanna smile. Alanna took a picture of the flowers and unsigned card for her Instastory adding

_“Get you a girl who is sweet AND funny.” _

She wanted to Facetime Christy to thank her, but she really wanted to shower first. As she hopped in, she heard a notification on her phone. Christy had replied to Alanna’s story.

**C**: Who sent those? If you’ve got some other chick coming, I hope you didn’t double-book us.  
**A**: That was fast. Turned your notification on for my posts and stories, did ya?

**C**: You bet. Don’t want to miss anything.  
**A**: Thank you for the flowers. That was really thoughtful. Of course I’ll pick you up. I’m going to take a shower, but I’ll Facetime you after.  
**C:** During seems like a much better option than after.

**A:** Keep on dreaming 


	16. One More Sleep

**2019.07.30 - 2019.08.04**

  
Over the next few days, Alanna and Christy texted, talked, and Facetimed every free moment they had. They had to navigate around Alanna’s training schedule and Christy’s time with her kids, but it was more manageable than Alanna thought it would be. She convinced Christy to watch Love Island with her at the same time, and Christy gladly complied. Even though Alanna knew that she wasn’t even the slightest bit interested in it, Christy still pretended to listen when Alanna tried to catch her up on all of the episodes she had missed. And Alanna made Christy play games with her on apps on their phones. Games brought out Alanna’s competitive side, but Christy was excellent at word games, leading to some heated, although playful exchanges.  
For her part, Christy seemed to have never-ending questions and topics ready to go, about favourites, hypotheticals, love languages, childhood. And she Facetimed with Alanna when she was playing with her dogs and when she was cooking, prompting Alanna to make Christy promise that she’d cook when she came to visit. They even ate dinner at the same time. In the evenings, Alanna would sit on the porch or go down to the apartment boardwalk and Facetime with Christy so that they could enjoy the same sunset. Em, and even Rachel, would pop in every now and then, interjecting in their conversations, telling Christy things about Alanna, or asking Christy questions about herself. But more importantly to Alanna, at bedtime, Christy would talk to her for hours because that’s what Alanna wanted. They’d stay up until at least 1 am most nights, with Alanna drawing out their conversations as long as possible. It made her feel better knowing that by the time they got off the phone, it was probably too late for Christy to go out, or to have anyone over. Despite the fact that Christy had given her absolutely no reason to not trust her, Alanna still struggled with that fear. Every morning, Christy insisted that Alanna text or call her first so she wouldn’t wake her. Christy swore she would always be up first. And she probably was, because she always responded to Alanna’s texts immediately and didn’t sound sleepy on the phone.  
When Christy was with her kids, Alanna tried to keep busy with her teammates, but she avoided talking about her girlfriend as much as possible. She didn’t want a repeat of the lecture she had received from Emily, even though Emily hadn’t brought it up again. Other than Emily and Rachel, who were around a lot of the time when Alanna was talking to Christy, the only person she really talked about her girlfriend with was Shelina. Shelina listened without judgement and never made Alanna feel like she was making the wrong choice. She was genuinely interested in what Alanna had to say, and reminded Alanna that all that mattered was her happiness, not what anyone else thought. And Alanna was happier than she’d be in a long time. To pass the time, Alanna went to the Shawn Mendes concert with her teammates, and Alex came over a couple of times when Em was out with Rachel and Serv was back in L.A. And she made it a point to go to coffee, brekkie, or lunch with her teammates at least once everyday. The excursions didn’t keep her mind off of Christy, but they did give her more to talk about during their next phone call.  
Sunday morning, Alanna had slept in later than normal, exhaustion finally catching up with her from the late nights and the intense trainings. When she came out of her room, she found Em cleaning the apartment. Alanna gave her a big hug and thanked her. Without Em saying anything, Alanna knew exactly why she was doing it - Christy was due to arrive the following morning. Alanna made herself a cup of coffee, deciding she needed that before she called her girlfriend. Just as she was sitting down to enjoy it, there was a knock on the door. She opened it to another flower delivery. This time, the card read,  
_“I may not have been your first, but I hope I’m your last. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow_.”

She immediately texted Christy.  
  
**A:** Last what????  
**C**: That’s open to interpretation.

**A:** Well, interpret it for me then!  
**C**: No, it’s your interpretation.

**A**: Does it mean what I think it means?  
**C**: I have no idea what you think it is.

**A: **Ugh. You’re really being difficult.  
But, you pick out pretty flowers.  
**C**: I feel like cookies are a better choice, you know, ‘cause flowers die, but I don’t want to mess up your training.  
**A**: I really like flowers. No one’s ever sent me flowers.  
I didn’t ask you yesterday, how’s it goin’ with your kids. Do you need to get off the phone?

**C**: Yeah...that’s a whole story. It’s not going.  
**A**: Do you want me to call you?  
**C**: You can if you want. But we don’t need to talk about it.

  
A few seconds later, Alanna heard Christy’s voice on the line as she picked up the phone. “What’s going on?”

“I asked her to trade weekends with me a few days ago. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t really say yes either. Until yesterday morning when she asked why I needed to. I told her I was going out of town. She wanted to know where and why. She didn’t believe me when I said I was going for vacation by myself. Or when I told her I was going to a soccer game. Both were true. But she wouldn’t drop it and she started ranting about how if she couldn’t ‘trust’ me, she couldn’t let me see the kids. So I told her I met someone, which was a HUGE mistake. She said there was no way she’d trade weekends with me and that she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable with me seeing the kids at all anymore because my new girlfriend might be there. I told her you wouldn’t, since you don’t live here, but she said she had no proof of that. So I’m not going to see them at all before their school starts.” Christy sounded dejected.  
“Darls, why didn’t you tell me this yesterday?”

“There’s no point. Telling you isn’t going to fix it.”

“No, it’s not,” Alanna agreed. “But I want to talk about what’s going on in your life. I want to know things. Everything. Even the bad stuff. Even the stuff I can’t fix. I could have fixed this though. You didn’t have to come. We could have cancelled or rescheduled and just kept your weekend with your kids.”  
“It wouldn’t have mattered. She’d have to find out eventually. And this was going to be her reaction whenever she found out. If I let her dictate my life, I’d never see you. I’ve known for a long time that when it came to our kids, it wasn’t going to end well. I’ve just been trying to make it work as long as possible to avoid court because I think it’s ridiculous that two adults can’t find a way to make things work.” Alanna could hear the heartbreak in Christy’s voice, and she felt her heart break too. All she wanted in that moment was to hold her girlfriend and take away the pain.  
“You’re sure you want to come tomorrow?” Alanna asked?  
“Positive. And don’t worry. I’ll be in a good mood, I’m not going to ruin our time together,” Christy assured her.  
“I know you weren’t, I’m not worried about that. I just wish there was something I could do to make it better.”  
“Seeing you will make it better. It’ll let me forget for awhile. My therapist says that’s ok. I think she’s nuts, because my non-therapist self says you’re not supposed to bury your pain, but whatever.” Christy voice sounded a bit lighter. “I really, really can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”  
“Same. Em’s excited to meet you. She’s been cleaning the apartment all morning. And I told She a lot about you. More than anybody except Em probably. And Rach of course. They’re really good people. I hope you like them.”  
“I hope they like me!” Christy exclaimed.  
“They will,” Alanna assured her. “They’ve seen how much happier I’ve been since I met you. When they see how happy I am with you here, there will be no doubt in their minds that you’re good for me. Plus they’re all checking out your Instastories everyday. They already think you’re funny.”  
“Great. No pressure. I hope I can live up to my social media self,” Christy said sarcastically. “So what all do I need to pack? What are we going to do for a week?”  
“You haven’t packed yet,” Alanna said shocked.

“What? No. It’s like almost a whole day until I leave. I don’t need to pack until, I don’t know, after we get off the phone tonight?”  
“What is wrong with you?” Alanna laughed.  
“Wrong with me? Nothing. I have to be at the airport at like 3 am. I’m not going to sleep tonight, so I’ll pack then. I always pack in the middle of the night when I have an early flight. I like pressure. I function better with it. There’s no pressure right now, therefore no reason to pack. Seriously though, what do I need to bring?”  
“You’re so weird. Anyway, bring swimmers, something nice so we can have a proper date somewhere. I don’t know, whatever you want. It’s hella hot here though.”  
“Do I need to make reservations somewhere?” Christy asked.

“What?”  
“For dinner. If we’re going somewhere nice.”  
“Oh. No. I’ll do it,” Alanna assured her.  
“Ok. Well, I’m going to go not pack by shooting some hoops and then taking the dogs to the dog park before they go to boarding. Facetime tonight?”  
“You play on a basketball team now?”  
“No, I just like to go to the park and shoot,” Christy explained.  
“See what I mean. Weird. Sounds like an exciting arvo. Yeah, call me later. I can’t believe we have only one more sleep!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Us” Playlist  
1\. 1950 - King Princess (A)  
2\. Secret Love Song, Pt. II - Little Mix (A)  
3\. Delicate - Taylor Swift (C)  
4\. Peer Pressure - James Bay/Julia Michaels (C)  
5\. Power Over Me - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
6\. Photograph - Boyce Avenue/Bea Miller (C)  
7\. All on Me - Devin Dawson (C)  
8\. Lights Down Low - MAX (C)  
9\. Slow Hands - Niall Horan (C)  
10\. My Attic - Pink (C)  
11\. Just the Way You Are - Lusaint (C)  
12\. Someone to You - Banners (C)  
13\. Beyond - Leon Bridges (C)  
14\. Shelter - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
15\. Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMonagne (C)
> 
> NEW Song Added  
16\. Last First Kiss - One Direction (C)


	17. Back, Back Again

**2019.08.05**

The morning Christy was due to arrive, Alanna’s eyes shot open before her alarm even went off at 6:00. She got out of bed and made coffee for her and Em. Changing into her training clothes, she packed something a bit nicer to wear to the airport to pick up Christy since she was going to have to head out straight from practice. She sent a quick text to Christy before heading out the door with Em. 

**A:** Good morning, darls!Text me when you’re at baggage claim and I’ll head over from the cell phone waiting lot to get you!Can’t wait to see you!

**C:** You really think I’m checking a bag?One day, you’ll buy into my art if not having to deal with baggage claim. And the benefits of having your hands completely free when you don’t have a suitcase to roll with you. 

**A:**smh.See you soon!

* * *

All through practice, Alanna was full of nervous energy, a bit too fired up and on edge, rushing so many touches and passes. But her shots were on fire, as she hit rocket after rocket Ashlyn and Hailey. After the team broke, Alanna started to run into the locker room, instead of chatting and walking in, or hanging back to practice a few more free kicks from outside the box. She called over to Em and Rachel, “If you two don’t hurry up, I’m leaving you.”Both had insisted on going to the airport with Alanna to pick up her girlfriend.

* * *

The three Pride teammates got to the airport before Christy’s arrival text. Alanna waited impatiently, tapping on the steering wheel. “Do you want me to drive?” Em asked.“You seem like you’re bugging out a bit?”

“No, I’m good,” Alanna answered back. She was anxious and she felt the need to control something. In the moment, driving was about all there was.

Christy’s text came in, and Alanna headed to the arrivals lane.She pulled the car along the curb, put it in park, and jumped out as soon as she saw her girlfriend. Running around the car, Alanna wrapped Christy in a hug, as Christy dropped her possessions to the ground to hug Alanna back. Alanna pulled her face back to look at Christy, then pushed her forehead into her girlfriend’s for a cuddle. She started to kiss Christy, but Christy stopped her.“Not here, you live here.People will recognize you.” 

Right at that moment, a traffic cop started walking up to them, blowing his whistle and yelling at them for parking in a no stopping zone. Both women giggled like children as Christy picked up her stuff and they hustled to the trunk of the car. It was then that Alanna realized Christy did have something besides a backpack; she had brought a guitar with her. “What is that? Do not tell me you play the guitar!” Alanna exclaimed.

“Oh my gosh, get in the car before that man blows his whistle at us again!” Christy shouted. “You’re going to have to open your own door, I don’t want him yelling at me!”

Once in the car, Christy leaned over and kissed Alanna’s cheek as she pulled the car away from the curb. It was only then that she noticed the two people in the back.Turning around in her seat, Alanna explained, “They insisted on coming. Wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Christy reached her hand over into the back seat, and Emily and Rachel introduced themselves. “So good to finally meet you.It feels like Lans has been talking about you forever,” Rachel joked. 

“Yep,” Emily added. We feel like we know you already, but pleased to meet you!” 

As the car came to a stop at a red light, Alanna and Christy turned towards each other to share a kiss, but Alanna was smiling so much that they could barely kiss. Alanna’s right hand was resting on her lap, and Christy slid hers under it, bringing Alanna’s hand toward her to kiss it.Alanna was beaming from ear to ear, and she glanced over at Christy to see that she was as well. “So seriously, what is this guitar?”

“Well,” Christy responded. I figured with you having training and this being Orlando, I wasn’t going to have anything to do for several hours each day.I get bored. I wanted something to do.”Alanna couldn’t believe her luck. Her girlfriend could play the guitar too. 

“Ok, now can we go to lunch?” Em complained. Alanna had made them skip the team lunch after training so they could get to the airport on time, and they were all starving. Rachel and Emily chatted incessantly with Christy as they drove. Christy leaned to hold Alanna’s hand, stroking it with her thumb as it rested on Alanna’s thigh.

* * *

Once they finally made it to their apartment, Christy wrapped her arms around Alanna’s waist, enveloping her in a passionate kiss.Alanna’s hands made their way to Christy’s face as their kiss deepened. “All right, we get it!” Em interrupted.“We’ll get out of your hair for a bit.” Em and Rachel headed out to Rachel’s apartment. 

Christy pulled Alanna down on the couch with her.“I’ve missed you so much, baby,” Christy whispered, studying Alanna’s face as she traced it with her fingertips. 

“Me, too.How are you doing though?Really?”

Christy let out a quiet sigh. “I’m fine. I’m just glad I’m here.”Alanna studied her eyes. They were sparkling right back at her, but she detected a hint of sadness in them. She raised herself into Christy’s lap, wrapping one arm behind her girlfriend’s neck and softly playing with the curls that fell out of her messy bun. Her other hand intertwined with Christy’s as they explored each other’s fingertips. Finally, Alanna couldn’t take it anymore. She tipped Christy’s chin up toward her. “Take me to bed.”Alanna stood up, pulling Christy up with her. 

“Well come here then,” Christy said, motioning for Alanna to jump in her arms. 

“You can’t carry me,” Alanna laughed. 

“Girl. You told me to take you to bed. Watch me,” Christy smirked. Alanna looked at her skeptically, but shrugging her shoulders, jumped into Christy’s arms, wrapping her long legs around her girlfriend’s body. “Which way?”Alanna pointed in the direction as she threw her head back laughing. Christy easily carried the taller woman into her bedroom. She lowered Alanna on the bed and as Alanna looked up at her lovingly, Christy climbed on top of her, kissing her desperately, as if she were trying to make up for much more than a week apart. She pulled Alanna’s bottom lip towards her, softly biting it. Alanna loved when Christy nibbles on her lip.

Alanna found herself already getting wet. She wanted her girlfriend to know how much she was able to turn her on with just a kiss. Taking one of Christy’s hands, she slid it down past the waistband of her shorts and panties, a small moan escaping as she ran Christy’s finger between her lips. “Slow down, baby,” Christy whispered into her ear. “You have me for an entire week.”


	18. You’re All Mine

2019.08.05

* * *

“Babe, we really have to get up,” Christy said. Alanna was resting her head on Christy’s stomach and Christy was playing with Alanna’s hair. 

Alanna groaned. “I don’t wanna get up,” she said in a whiny voice.

“Having dinner with your friends was your idea,” Christy reminded her. “But,” she continued, sliding out from under her girlfriend, “you can stay in bed for a little longer while I go take a shower.”

“I meant I want to stay in bed with you,” Alanna huffed.“I’m just going to cancel.”

“You’re not,” Christy said kissing her on the forehead and walking away. 

Alanna was walking into the bathroom, still naked, as Christy got out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. Christy walked to the counter to brush her teeth, and Alanna wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, resting her chin on Christy’s shoulder. “You did it again, you know,” she said quietly. 

“Did what?” Christy asked.

“You didn’t let me go down on you.” There was almost a sadness in Alanna’s voice.

Christy sighed.“I just - “ Christy couldn’t finish her sentence. 

“Love, please talk me,” Alanna begged, turning Christy around so she could look into her eyes. 

After a few moments, Christy quietly said, “I just don’t understand why you’d want to. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You’re unreal. I don’t deserve you. So I certainly don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. I’m the luckiest woman in the world just being with you. I’d rather take care of you.”

“That’s her in your head,” Alanna said, pulling Christy close. “That’s years of her making you feel like you weren’t worthy. But you are. You are more than worthy.I’m the lucky one.”Alanna stroked her girlfriend’s cheek gently. “Answer this for me, ok?”Christy nodded, not making eye contact. “Do you want me?Do you want to touch me, to lick me, to fuck me?”

“Of course I do.”There was a pleading look in Christy’s eyes. 

“Why?” Alanna questioned.

“Why?” Christy was confused. “Because it turns me on to turn you on. Because I want you to experience pleasure. I want you to be happy.”

“And you don’t think I want all of those things for you?” Alanna asked sincerely.

“I don’t know.” Christy bowed her head again. “You’re so fucking hot. You could have anyone you wanted. I can’t measure up to you. I can’t measure up to Kyah, she’s beautiful. You’re so far out of my league.”

Alanna saw the pain on Christy’s face. “Now, I’ll have you know, I think you’re just the absolute cutest,” she said, trying to make Christy smile.“But even if you weren’t, I wouldn’t care because it’s not about looks to me. It’s about the way you treat me and the way you make me feel. And in those respects, you blow Kyah out of the water. I don’t want Kyah. Or anyone else.I want you.All of you. Just the way you are.”Alanna kissed Christy fervently, pushing her against the counter and letting her fingers climb up under the bottom edge of Christy’s towel. “I don’t know how to make you understand that. So I’m going to keep fucking you. As many times as it takes for you to understand that it turns me on to turn you on,” she whispered in Christy’s ear as she slid her fingers inside of her girlfriend. 

Alanna’s fingers found Christy’s g-spot and began rhythmically stroking it. She placed her other hand on the small of Christy’s back, holding her up. Christy began breathing harder and she whispered in Alanna’s ear, “Faster.” It made Alanna wet as she heard the little moans escaping Christy’s lips as they pressed against her ear. Alanna felt Christy’s nails digging into her back as she came, leaving long scratches. Alanna ran her fingers down Christy’s bare throat softly. She opened Christy’s towel, letting it fall to the floor, and then lifted Christy onto the counter. Starting with her collarbone, Alanna kissed her way down to Christy’s clit, slowly and lightly licking it. She sped up and licked harder, only to slow down again, deliberately teasing the other woman.She longed to hear Christy beg her for more or to guide her.Something. The teasing worked, as Christy grabbed Alanna’s head and pulled her in, begging her not to stop. Alanna brought Christy to orgasm, which made her feel quite proud of herself. She had meant what she had said; she loved knowing that she could turn her girlfriend on like this.

Christy pulled Alanna towards her and into a kiss. Alanna didn’t want it to end, but Christy pulled away and urged her to get in the shower before they were late. Before she let Alanna go though, she added quietly in Alanna’s ear, “You’re really good at that, you know?” Alanna grinned, showing her dimples. Christy loved her dimples, and she kissed each on quickly before hopping off the bathroom counter. 

When Alanna got out of the shower, Christy had just finished getting ready and started to walk out of the bedroom. “Where ya headed?” she asked. Christy pointed towards the living room.“You have to help me decide what to wear.”

“Nope. You’ll have to figure that out on your own,” Christy responded. “I want to be surprised.” She quickly kissed Alanna. Alanna gave her a confused look in return. “Like when I saw you walking towards me at the Harbour that night, I saw you dressed up for the first time. You took my breath away. I want to feel that every time we go on a date.” Christy walked out of the room to go wait with Rachel and Emily who were also coming to dinner.

Twenty minutes later, Alanna emerged from her bedroom. She saw her girlfriend’s gaze rise to meet hers, her eyes lighting up, and her lips parting slightly before a smile crept across her face. Her face in that moment made Alanna understand what Christy had been talking about. The way Christy looked at her absolutely melted Alanna. Christy stood and the two women stepped towards each other, their eyes locked. Christy took Alanna’s hands and softly said, “My God, you’re stunning.”

“All right, let’s go,” Emily interrupted. “Everyone’s going to be waiting for us.” Shelina, Carson, and Bridget were all meeting them at the restaurant.

When they arrived, Alanna’s teammates were already seated at a long table on the patio overlooking the water. Dinner went well, and Alanna was relieved that everyone was much friendlier to and welcoming of Christy than her sister had been, and no one questioned her about having kids. She could tell by the easy conversation and laughter that her friends genuinely liked Christy. She knew they would, but still, it was a good feeling. And Alanna felt so much better also. Free from the constant drama with Kyah, she found herself being... herself for the first time since she could remember. She felt light and happy, genuinely happy. She kept stealing little glances towards Christy, so appreciative of the girl sitting next to her. And sometimes, Christy caught her eye too, and they both broke out into huge grins.

When the server brought out their checks, Alanna noticed her flirting with Christy.As soon as the server had stepped away, Alanna touched Christy’s knee to get her attention. “She’s flirting with you,” she said, a hint of concern in her voice.

“Nah,” Christy said dismissively. 

“She is,” Alanna continued,” looking around at the others for confirmation. Bridget and Emily nodded.

The server returned to pick up their cards and started talking to Christy again, lightly touching Christy’s shoulder as she lingered. Alanna slid her hand around her girlfriend’s arm as the server continued flirting.As soon as she walked away, Alanna pushed Christy on the shoulder. “I told you,” she said.

“Babe, I’m not flirting with her, I’m just being polite,” Christy tried to reassure Alanna. “What do you want me to do?” 

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it,” Alanna replied. There was a flash of something in her eyes.Anger?Fear, perhaps. She was not happy.

Just then, they noticed the server returning with their credit card receipts to sign. Not wanting to engage in obvious PDA, but also not wanting her girlfriend to worry, Christy slid her hand onto her girlfriend’s inner thigh and timed things so that right as the server was arriving back at their table, she was kissing Alanna’s neck. It didn’t deter the server, who had written her number on the bottom of Christy’s check. “Call me sometime,” she said, flashing a smile.

“I don’t think so,” Christy said. “I have a girlfriend.” Her fingertips dug into Alanna’s thigh ever so slightly.

“Well then, save my number for when you two are done,” the server said, nonchalantly, looking from Christy to Alanna.

“That’s not going to happen either,” Christy said as the server turned to walk away. There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation in her voice. She looked at Alanna and pulled her hand towards her to kiss the back of it gently. She turned in her chair, taking Alanna’s face in both her hands. “Has anybody every told you that you’re really cute when you get jealous?” Christy asked.

Alanna lowered her eyes.“I’m sorry,” she mumbled weakly.

“Don’t be,” Christy said tipping Alanna’s chin back up. “I like it. It means you care.”

_Of course I care_, Alanna wanted to say, but Christy had pulled her in and was kissing her. Passionately. In public. In Orlando. Even though Alanna knew that Christy was hesitant to. Alanna couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. 

That night, as she was falling asleep in Christy’s arms, Alanna whispered, “Please don’t ever cheat on me.” Her voice was shaky.

At first, she didn’t know if Christy heard her, if she was even awake still, but then Christy pulled Alanna around towards her. “Babe, I’ll never cheat on you. Ever. Not for anything. And I wasn’t flirting with that server tonight. Why would I flirt with anybody when I have you? Alanna I-“Christy trailed off.

“You what?” Alanna asked, hopefully. She longed to hear Christy tell her that she was in love with her.

“Please tell me what I can do to make you believe me. Because it breaks my heart that this is something you worry about. I want you to be 100% sure that you are safe with me.”

“It’s not you,” Alanna conceded. “I just can’t help but worry because of what Kyah put me through. But I really like it when you’re affectionate in public. I just want the whole world to know that you’re mine.”


	19. Beach Dayz

** 2019.08.08 **

* * *

Alanna loved seeing Christy with her friends. They fell in love with her at dinner, and were so happy to see her again when they had a day off Thursday before their Saturday match. The Red Stars had come into town, and Alanna and MacKenzie had made plans to hang out with Christy and Carson. Sam and Nikki wanted to see Alanna too and meet her new girlfriend, but what they all really wanted to do was head to the beach.The Aussies missed the beautiful sand and clear blue water of their home, and they were still a couple months away from going back, so they decided to take advantage of Florida’s beauty while they were out of Chicago. Em and Rachel were invited and jumped at the opportunity, and before they knew it, all the couples - Marta and Toni, Ash and Ali, Bridget and her girlfriend - were planning a day trip to Siesta Key. Christy laughed when Alanna told her about their now large lesbian get-together; she was excited to be a part of Alanna’s life outside of just the two of them. 

Early Thursday morning, the group of 14 piled into several cars to make the two hour trip southwest of Orlando. Macca and Carson rode with Alanna and Christy, and spent the entire drive telling Christy all about Alanna’s playing career and most embarrassing stories. Macca had roomed with Alanna for years on the national team, so there was no shortage of stories to share. The car was filled with laughter the entire time. Alanna kept looking over at Christy as they drove, so carefree and happy. She smiled with her eyes. She belly laughed. She held Alanna’s hand the entire time, and it made Alanna feel like Christy was proud to be able to call her her girlfriend. 

When they all arrived at the beach, they set up towels and umbrellas for shade, but before Alanna knew it, Christy had taken off with Mackenzie, Sam, Ashlyn, Marta, Em, and Bridget into the surf. Sam had brought a football and a frisbee, amongst other things, making Rachel stop at a Walmart on the way down, because... of course she had, and now the group was splashing and throwing the toys around, diving in the water after errant passes. After all, few of them could throw to save their lives. Their girlfriends looked on, half amused, half exasperated at the children they were dating. They had come to the beach expecting a nice day laying out in the sun, but their partners had other, more active plans. “If any of y’all get hurt, you know you’re going to have a coach to answer to tomorrow,” Ali called out at the group as she stood at the edge of the water, always the mom. 

“It’s water, what can go wrong?” Ash shot back, throwing a long pass to Em, who missed the catch.

“I mean, sharks, red tide, jellyfish, but whatever,” Toni interjected, shaking her head. 

Alanna propped herself up on her elbows, watching Christy. She was so happy playing in the water like a child. Alanna admired how Christy was able to set aside what was going on in her life at home and still able to not just function, but have fun, while her heart was obviously breaking. It was one of the things that gave Alanna the most hope that their relationship could actually be something - the fact that Christy could overcome so much and still have such a positive outlook on life. She wasn’t bothered by anything. In fact, after their week together, Alanna couldn’t even picture them ever fighting. She really admired her girlfriend’s attitude. And she admired her girlfriend’s body, too. Eventually, Alanna pushed herself up off the beach to head out into the water. Toni squinted at her.“You’re going in?” she asked in disbelief. Alanna peeled off her shirt and shorts, confirming. 

Nikki got up as well.“I’ll come with,” she said cheerfully.Both women headed towards the water, and towards their girlfriends. The warm water felt so good on Alanna’s skin, so much better than it had felt just a couple of weeks before in Australia, when she wouldn’t let more than her ankles touch the water. She came up behind Christy just as she has thrown the frisbee to Marta, laughing at herself and her awful, curving throw. Alanna wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, surprising her. She leaned down and kissed Christy’s neck.“You didn’t even put sunscreen on!” Alanna admonished her, tasting her salty skin. 

“I will when we get to cancer-causing hours,” Christy responded, “or I’ll just lay with you in the shade.”

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Alanna admitted. “I love seeing you having fun, but I certainly miss you.”

“That why you came in?” Christy asked.Alanna hummed an mm-hmm in her ear. Christy turned around, resting her fingertips on Alanna’s hips, her eyes running over Alanna’s body from top to bottom. “Fuck, you’re hot,” she choked out. Christy pulled Alanna out deeper in the water, past the break, until she could barely touch the ocean floor anymore. She floated in the waves, holding on to Alanna’s hands as they bobbed in the water. Alanna pulled Christy into her, and Christy wrapped her arms and legs around her girlfriend. She leaned back, smiling at Alanna, her dimple showing. 

“What?” Alanna asked.

“Nothing,” Christy said, shaking her head. “Everything. I just can’t believe how lucky I am. How unbelievable this week with you has been.How happy just being with you makes me.You’ve got an amazing life, wonderful friends. I’m just glad I get to share part of it with you.Thank you for letting me in.”

“Well you didn’t give me much of a choice,” Alanna explained. Christy cocked her head to the side as she played with the stray hairs falling on the back of Alanna’s neck. “That smile of yours. How was I supposed to say no to breakfast?And your eyes...” she trailed off. 

“What about my eyes?”

“Well, besides they’re beautiful?It’s like I can see your soul when I look at them.Like I know you. I mean, really _know_ you, who you are, what you stand for.I’ve never seen eyes that show kindness and vulnerability like yours do.They just drew me in.I don’t know.”

Christy leaned in and kissed Alanna, her tongue sliding in between Alanna’s lips. Alanna pulled Christy’s tongue into her mouth, sucking on it.They were interrupted by Emily swimming over to them. “Ugh, will you please let your girl come back and play with us?Ashlyn already quit and we got a Spikeball set,” she complained. 

Alanna smiled as she felt Christy grasp her tighter and nuzzle her neck, indicating that she preferred to make out with Alanna in the water over playing football with the “boys.”Alanna waived her hand dismissively in the direction of Sam and Nikki. “Can’t you bother someone else?”

“Oh those two are about to get tackled and dunked,” Emily assured her, swimming off again. Alanna and Christy just laughed. No one gave into Emily. Christy and Sam were both too whipped to choose a game over their hot girlfriends. 

After awhile, when the sun started getting hot, everyone headed in to seek shade, sunscreen, and the sandwiches Ali and Ashlyn had packed in a large cooler.They laid around talking, some napping for another hour after, and then Em was at it again. Running back from Rachel’s car, she carried multiple skimboards under her arm. Carson looked over at Rachel.“You know your girlfriend is crazy, right?How much did Em and Sam spend this morning?”

“I have no idea,” Rachel said, shaking her head. “Nikki and I waited in the car. They weren’t even gone 10 minutes, and came back with a shopping cart full of beach toys. And firewood. Because apparently we’re staying until after dark.” 

Em was able to convince Alanna, Nikki, Carson, and Bridget to join her, Sam, and Ash on the skimboards, while everyone watched, laughingas they kept falling. “We’re going to be lucky if we get out of here intact, for sure,” Ali shook her head.  “I’m surrounded by children. Literal children.” After another break, the group walked to a nearby cafe and ordered a light dinner of fish tacos, chips, and guacamole. When the finished eating, Ash and Ali said they were ready to head back, and Marta and Toni agreed. Alanna looked over at Christy to gauge whether she wanted to stay or head back. Christy assured her that she was having fun and didn’t mind spending the entire day with the group. 

As the sun went down, Christy helped Emily start a fire in a small pit that they had dug. The group gathered around and roasted marshmallows as they talked, then sprawled out on the beach to rest as the fire burned.Sam laughed, “We’re all gonna be so exhausted tomorrow at training.”Everyone agreed, thankful the day before a game was always light.

Alanna was lying with her head on Christy’s stomach, Christy playing with her hair. They watched the stars as the fire faded, Alanna drifting off to sleep.Finally, the fire was down to mere embers and Emily covered it in sand.Christy nudged Alanna awake, and helped pack everything up. She offered to drive home so Alanna could go back to sleep. 

When they got back to Orlando, Alanna leaned heavily on Christy as they made their way up the stairs. Christy peeled off her clothes and Alanna’s, helping her into the shower. She quickly washed Alanna’s hair and lathered her up so she could rinse the sand off. She wrapped Alanna in a towel and sent her to bed before finishing rinsing herself off and joining. 

Alanna was still awake, but barely, when Christy crawled into bed. Christy stroked her cheek and pushed a strand of hair out of Alanna’s face. Alanna smiled, taking Christy’s hand and kissing it. “Did you have fun today, love?”

“So much. Your friends are awesome!I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun,” Christy said with enthusiasm. 

“I’m glad,” Alanna yawned. “I don’t know why I’m so tired,” she apologized. 

“It was a long day,” Christy said sympathetically. “And you’re still not totally recovered from the World Cup and all the flights, I don’t think.”

Alanna nodded. “They really like you, you know?That’s massive to me.” 

“I really like them, too.” Christy leaned in and kissed Alanna softly. She looked into Alanna’s eyes and Alanna felt like Christy was on the verge of saying something important, but she didn’t. She just whispered a weak, “Goodnight, babe. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

Alanna snuggled into Christy, slightly disappointed, but too tired to give it much thought.“Goodnight.”


	20. Game Day

** 08.10.2019 **

* * *

Alanna awoke on Saturday morning, more anxious than normal. Her body was still exhausted from the beach on Thursday and having to get up early Friday for training, but this was more than just tired; it was nerves. She realized that it was the first time Christy was ever going to see her play. Shrugging it off, she decided to focus her nervous energy on having a great game. One of the benefits ofhaving been on the national team since the age of 17 was that she knew how to manage her nerves when they made an unexpected appearance. She laid for a few minutes longer with her back cuddled into Christy before finally rolling over and letting on that she was awake. Christy was, of course, already wide awake like she was every morning. Alanna loved that even though Christy woke up earlier than she did, she didn’t get out of bed; she stayed holding Alanna so that Alanna wouldn’t wake up alone. She touched Christy’s face.“Morning, darls,” she smiled. 

Christy kissed her. “Morning, beautiful.” _Of course she’s already brushed her teeth, _Alanna thought her herself. Groaning, she rolled over Christy and got out of bed. Christy grabbed for her hand.“Don’t go,” she pleaded. 

“I’m just going to the bathroom. And to brush my teeth. I promise I’ll be back,” Alanna assured Christy. Christy rolled over on her stomach.

A few minutes later, true to her word, Alanna returned. Her face brightened at the sight of her naked girlfriend sprawled across her bed, completely exposed. _That ass._ Alanna laid her naked body on top of Christy’s, reveling in the warmth and the feel of her smooth skin.Alanna lined up her limbs with Christy’s, matching her perfectly, holding Christy’s wrists down as she rubbed herself against her girlfriend. Then, leaning over, she began nibbling on Christy’s earlobe, eliciting a quiet moan that excited Alanna.She whispered in Christy’s ear, “If I had a strap right now...” she stopped, leaving the rest up to Christy’s imagination. 

Christy couldn’t take it. “What?What would you do?” Christy begged to know. 

Alanna wedged her muscular thigh in between Christy’s legs. Her right hand followed down Christy’s arm to her shoulder, along her ribs, touching each one slowly, and then under her body. Finding Christy’s clit, she began rubbing circles around it. “I’d fuck you,” Alanna finished her sentence in a whisper, thrusting against Christy. Christy moaned louder this time, reaching around with her free hand and grabbing Alanna’s ass. Alanna continued thrusting against Christy and Christy moved in rhythm with her. Alanna could feel Christy pushing down harder into her hand, increasing pressure on her clit. Alanna tickled Christy’s ear with her tongue.

That was enough to do it. “Fuck, baby,” Christy cries out as she came. 

Alanna smiled, kissing her neck and back. “Come shower with me,” she begged, sitting up on Christy and massaging her back.“Your back is so tight. I think some hot water will help. And don’t even think about using brekky as your excuse. We’ll go out. You don’t have to cook today.” Alanna got off the bed.Christy rolled over on her side and smacked Alanna’s ass causing Alanna to giggle as she ran towards the bathroom. Christy followed her. 

Alanna already had the water on by the time Christy made it into the bathroom. She stepped into the shower and beckoned for Christy to follow, steam enveloping her. Christy did.She rested her elbows on Alanna’s shoulders as she ran her fingers through Alanna’s hair, staring into her eyes. She kissed Alanna softly, first on the lips and then on her dimple, before she ran the underside of her tongue down the side of her neck.She stopped at Alanna’s collarbone, sucking hard, still playing with Alanna’s hair.Then, she dropped her hands to Alanna’s breasts, forcing her back against the shower wall. Alanna closed her eyes as Christy played with her nipples, alternating between slightly painful pinches that sent Alanna, and tender, barely there touches that left her wanting more. Finally, Christy kissed her way down Alanna’s stomach, her hands following Alanna’s v-line as she separated Alanna’s legs to let herself in. “What about your massage?” Alanna managed to get out, tangling her fingers in her girlfriend’s hair.

“Guess it’ll have to wait,” Christy said with a flick of her tongue against Alanna’s clit. “I have other plans.”She buried her face in her girlfriend’s center, her tongue sliding through Alanna’s folds back and forth a few times, tasting her wetness, before settling on her clit. She knew how turned on Alanna already was.Christy stroked Alanna’s clit with even pressure, allowing Alanna to grasp her head and pull her in for more when she was ready to cum. Then she backed off, softening her tongue and licking lightly as Alanna recovered. Then, Christy started teasing Alanna by pulling back slightly every time she could tell Alanna wanted more, prolonging her pleasure as much as possible before giving in and licking her fast and hard. Over and over, she brought Alanna to orgasm, letting Alanna’s wetness drip down her chin and chest as Alanna continued to press Christy into her. With one final squirting orgasm, her legs were so shaky, she felt like she might collapse. Christy stood and held Alanna up against the wall, lightly kissing her shoulder.

* * *

After having coffee and breakfast at Craft & Common, the pair cuddled in bed, catching up on Love Island.Alanna knew Christy wasn’t really watching it, but she appreciated her girlfriend for at least pretending to watch it for her. And she liked being close to Christy, as Christy played with her fingers, ran her hands through Alanna’s hair, scratched her back, massaged her feet. They continued like that until it was time for Alanna to head to the stadium for the teams pre-game routine. She had Christy drop them off so that Christy could come back later to watch the game in person from one of the boxes 

In the locker room, Alanna was in high spirits, happier than she had been all season. She danced around with Marta and played ping pong with Kop. Alex gave her a hard time about the mark on her collarbone as she changed, and Sydney chastised her for nothing finding time to introduce them earlier in the week, even though Christy would be in the box with Sydney during the game that night. When Christy arrived, Alanna couldn’t go out to get her, so Sydney volunteered to meet her and show her up to their seats, Cassius and Roux in tow.

“Don’t harass her Syd,” Alanna begged before Sydney walked out of the change room.

“Oh, I just have a few questions for her,” Sydney said mischievously. “You’re my work wife, I have to look out for you. I need to know what her intentions are.”

“Syd,” Alanna was serious now. “I really like her.” 

“I know you do hun, I’m just kidding. Kick ass tonight, wifey!”

* * *

Orlando played a great first half.Alanna felt so good knowing Christy was there watching, and she had been able to catch her eye a couple of times. Christy even waived at her shyly as she headed in at halftime. 

Towards the end of the second half though, Alanna pulled Sam down on a breakaway towards goal. She was given an automatic red card for denying the goal-scoring opportunity. Thankfully, Orlando was still able to pull out a 2-1 victory. And more importantly, there were no hard feelings between the Aussies; it wasn’t a hard foul but rather a professional one. But Alanna was pretty bummed that she would be sitting out the Washington game next Friday. She lit up when she saw Christy after the game though, forgetting all about it at least momentarily. Sydney had showed her down outside the locker room after the game and waited with her while Alanna hung out with fans. 

“Darls,” she smiled excitedly, jogging towards Christy as soon as she saw her at the end of the tunnel.She gave Christy a sweaty hug before she had even realized that she probably should have asked, or at least warned her first. But Christy’s tight embrace was enough to convince Alanna that she didn’t care. Alanna glanced over her should at Syd, silently mouthing a thank you to her. Sydney has a huge smile on her face and gave Alanna a small nod. 

Alex interrupted the couple, placing her hand on Christy’s back as she came up to them. “Hey!” she said happily.“I feel like I’m the only one who hasn’t met you yet.I’m Alex. _Someone_ hasn’t introduced us,” she added, eyeing Alanna. The couple separated as Alex started talking to Christy. Alanna walked a few steps over to Syd, who had waited around.

“Lani, she’s great,” Sydney gushed. Alanna smiled. “She was so proud watching you play,” Sydney continued. “And girl, she was so good with Cassius. He had so much fun with her, and you know how much he hates being cooped up in the box. I totally get why you’re in love with her.” Alanna blushed, grabbing Sydney’s wrist, her eyes wide. Syd looked at her momentarily with confusion. “Oh. _Ooohhh_. You haven’t told her. Good thing I’m not loud,” she said sarcastically. “Good thing I didn’t say you should have babies with her. And good thing Alex is hot and has her attention right now.” Alanna glanced back at her girlfriend. “I’m kidding. But seriously, you done good kid. Don’t fuck it up.”

“No pressure, right?” Alanna laughed nervously. She said goodnight to Sydney and walked back over to where Alex was still talking to her girlfriend, linking her arm in Christy’s. “Not to interrupt you two, but I’m going to go shower and change, and then we’ll go home?”

Christy smiled. “I’ll meet you at the car,” she said. And then, as Alanna turned towards the change room, Christy squeezed her hand, “You played so well tonight, babe. I’m really glad I got to be here.” she added sincerely.

* * *

Back at Alanna’s apartment, Christy showered again after being in the humid Orlando air. When she went back into the bedroom, Alanna was sitting on the bed with her laptop, rewatching the game. She closed it when she saw Christy.“Sorry.Marc just likes us to watch the games the night we play them, and give him comments on our strengths and weaknesses, you know, evaluate the game and our play.But I don’t have to do it tonight.”

“It’s your job, Lans. Of course you have to do it,” Christy said sliding into bed next to her girlfriend and opening her laptop back up. “I’ll watch with you. I may have missed some of the game playing with Cassius.Sorry,” she shrugged, “he’s so cute! And I need a replay of that red card call so I can decide if I should be angry at the ref for you.”

“He is cute,” Alanna agreed. “But are you sure about watching this?It’s our last night together.” 

Christy leaned over and pressed play.Alanna secretly loved that she was willing to do this for her. A few minutes in, Alanna set up to take a free kick from outside the Red Stars’ box. Right before she struck the ball, she heard Christy whisper, “off.”Alanna shanked the ball. She looked at Christy. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Christy quickly tried covering. 

“No, you said ‘off.’ But you said it before I struck the ball.And it was off. How did you remember that?” 

“I didn’t, I don’t even think I saw it live,” Christy said quietly. “It just looked like it was gonna be off. Something in your approach was...wrong. Off.”

Alanna squinted at her, trying to make sense of what Christy had said, before turning back to the game footage. She hit two more free kicks in the first half. Both were good balls. Christy said nothing. As the second half started, Alanna was called on to take another free kick, and just as before, Christy whispered “off” before she struck the ball. Alanna looked over at her. Christy shrugged. Alanna replayed the kick over and over, without being able to see what Christy’s brain was picking up on. “Do you have free kicks from other games?” Christy asked after a moment.

Alanna opened a folder on her laptop, brining up clips from her games with the Matildas.She opened a subfolder titled Free Kicks-Offense.She started going through the clips, and Christy was able to identify the ones she mis-hit before she struck the ball with almost 100% accuracy.Alanna stared at her in disbelief. “Your approach isn’t always fluid,” Christy said, sounding a bit uncertain. “Sometimes, it looks like you’re too far from the ball, you take too many steps maybe, or the distance of those lead up steps isn’t right?You’d have to break it down frame by frame to be sure, but your approach isn’t consistent. All the good balls you played in, all the goals, the lead up is smooth.Seems fixable though. Someone can break it down step by step and maybe overlap them?I don’t know.Have you read Blink?” Christy asked. Alanna shook her head. “Basically, it’s about our brain being able to pick up on little things like that, be it form in athletics or a gut feeling when you meet someone, that you’re trained to ignore. But our brains work automatically, and really effectively, if we let them.It’s not just about sports. It’s about how quick decisions can be just as good as those you think over, and about how you should trust your gut. You should read it.”

Alanna gazed at her girlfriend, partially in awe, but partially wondering if what she said about the book, about trusting your gut, had anything to do with them. They had fallen for each other quickly, so obviously, yet neither of them would admit it.It was like they didn’t trust each other, or maybe themselves, to make it actually work. Forever. She pushed that thought aside though, and closed her laptop. “Shit,” she said, shaking her head.Christy was bewildered.“You know soccer. _Like really know it_. And you didn’t tell me you were smart, too. You really are the total package. I might be...” and then she stopped herself. _Fuck fuck fuck_. She had almost said the L word. “I might need to get you naked,”  she said recovering. Christy seemed to buy it, as she leaned in, moved Alanna’s laptop to the nightstand, and enveloped her lips in a passionate kiss. Alanna really liked talking soccer with Christy, but she _really really _liked being naked with her. 


	21. Why Won’t She Say It?

**2019.08.11**

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re leaving today,” Alanna murmured sleepily, as her alarm hummed in the background.Somehow in the middle of the night, she had ended up holding Christy, and now her arm and leg were thrown over her girlfriend’s naked body as she snuggled into her lavender-scented hair. “We’re not getting out of bed.Not even to eat. We can starve.”

“You’re the one who set the alarm for this early so we could see the sunrise,” Christy retorted. 

Alanna groaned, not budging. “I changed my mind. There will always be another sunrise.”

“I can’t see the sunrise from my place. But it’s perfect from here.I want to see a _Florida_ sunrise.”

“What about if we just make sunsets our thing?”Alanna paused hopefully. No response. “Fine. But I need 5 more minutes of sleep.”

* * *

But Alanna didn’t sleep. Her mind replayed the events of the past few days. They had had an absolutely perfect week together. Every morning, Christy was up early. She would make coffee and had cooked breakfast for Alanna, Emily, and Rachel before training everyday. Every afternoon when Alanna came home from training, she’d either find Christy lounging on their balcony, sitting on the couch picking at her guitar, or cleaning up around the apartment. She loved hearing Christy play that guitar. At first, she was self-conscious and would stop playing when Alanna came home, just strumming or picking every now and then while they talked. But by the end of the week, she was willing to play full songs, especially if Alanna sang with her. They went on one fancy dinner date, just the two of them, all dressed up, but the other nights, Christy made dinner. And they had so many cute pictures together.

Everything felt so perfectly natural to Alanna. They fell asleep in each other’s arms. They woke up next to each other. They watched tv holding hands or cuddled under the covers. Christy went grocery shopping. She did Alanna’s laundry.She kept the apartment sparkling clean. It was like paradise to Alanna to have all of that taken off of her plate, where she could work out and come home and have no other responsibilities at all. She knew it wasn’t reality, but she wished it were. 

She thought back to Friday evening, just two days before, when the two couples had enjoyed a wonderful meal together at hone. Afterwards, as they sat on the dock overlooking the small lake at the apartment complex, Rachel had thanked Christy for dinner. Em agreed, butting in with “She’s pretty domestic, Lani.You better wife her up.” She knew at the time that Emily was only kidding, and she had tried to keep her tone light in response when she said, “maybe I should,” but deep down, she knew it was unrealistic... unless....

Christy had interrupted her thoughts right at that moment and responded to the whole situation with her typical wit, “You know, I’m a huge feminist. What if that’s offensive to me? Being a housewife.”

“Is it?” Alanna has countered.

Christy had nudged Alanna with her shoulder. “Actually, this is going to sound really lame, but it’s a dream of mine.Some feminist I am.My biggest life goal.”She chuckled, shaking her head.“But really, I can cook, I like cleaning, I’m good with kids. What more can you ask for?Maybe you should wife me up.”

Alanna knew Christy was joking; she had heard the sarcasm in her voice and had seen Christy roll her eyes, but Christy had followed it up with a wink._What did that wink mean?_Alanna didn’t say anything, just squeezed Christy’s hand.It did get her thinking about the real possibility of spending her life with the woman sitting next to her. But she pushed that thought out of her mind as quickly as it entered. There was no way that could happen when she lived in Australia and Christy couldn’t leave her kids in Texas.

* * *

In the present, Christy’s voice brought her back to reality. “You ready, babe?”Alanna groaned one more time for good measure before rolling out of bed. She rummaged through Christy’s still unpacked clothes, picking out a long-sleeve Coexist tee, and then pulled on her own underwear. Christy got out of bed as well, wrapping Alanna in a long hug. “I really like that shirt. I’m not getting it back, am I?”Alanna just grinned. And then, as Alanna headed for the bedroom door, “Ya gonna put on pants? Or no...”

“We’re sitting on the balcony.No.”Alanna made them coffee while Christy got dressed (including pants) before heading outside. They pulled their chaise lounges together, absentmindedly playing with each other’s fingers as they watched the sunrise in silence. Alanna had secretly hoped that the time together with a beautiful backdrop was just what Christy had been waiting for to say those three words she had been longing to hear, but the moment eventually ended without that happening. She was sad and disappointed, and more importantly, she couldn’t figure out why Christy wouldn’t say those words to her. But, it’s not like she could ask what was holding her back, what she was scared of. As they got up to go back inside, Alanna let out an audible sigh. Christy asked her what was wrong, but she deflected and just said she was sad that Christy was leaving. 

* * *

By 5:00, it was time for Christy to head to the airport. She had packed, well, everything except the shirt Alanna had stolen from her, but she didn’t mind too much; she was going home with a bunch of Orlando Pride gear bearing her girlfriend’s name including a game jersey that she had worn the night before, just as promised. Emily had volunteered to drive them to the airport; she had a feeling Alanna wasn’t going to handle the departure well and would need to be driven home. Alanna and Christy sat in the back seat, not talking, the whole way to the airport. Christy left her hand on Alanna’s thigh, slowly tracing patterns with her fingertips.It felt so good, sensual, soft, with a little bit of ownership thrown in, as if Christy was saying, “_she’s mine_.” And that was exactly what Alanna wanted - to be hers.

Alanna got out with Christy and walked her into the airport while Emily drove around waiting for her to return. The security line at MCO was ridiculously long, a product of families leaving Disney on a Sunday evening. Alanna and Christy knew that Christy would need to go and get in line. They found a spot off to the side against a wall.They were oblivious to everyone rushing by. Alanna’s head was hanging. Christy hands gripped Alanna’s biceps.“Less than a month,” she said, trying to reassure Alanna. “And it’s a long weekend.”

Alannas lip trembled as she nodded unconvincingly, still not making eye contract with Christy. But it wasn’t just about Christy leaving. She had been so sure of them, of what they had, all week, but the more time that passed without Christy giving her the reassurance that she needed, without telling her that she loved her, the more Alanna began to question things.And she knew she shouldn’t. She knew she should stay in the moment and appreciate how wonderful things were and how much fun they were having, but she was never good at staying in the moment. She rubbed her BREATHE tattoo. “Three weeks. It’s just three weeks.”

“We can do this,” Christy added, pressing her forehead into Alanna’s. “We can do this.”She kissed Alanna so softly, so sweetly that she made her worry fade away.Almost. 


	22. I Can’t Do This; I Can’t Say It

**2019.08.14**

* * *

_I can’t do this_, Alanna thought to herself. It was _only_ Wednesday, only 3 days since Christy had left. She opened her laptop to the Southwest website, searching for flights for Christy to meet her in Washington this weekend. Alanna couldn’t play in the game against the Spirit anyway, so she figured it was the perfect opportunity to hang out in the box Friday night, and since the team wouldn’t train Saturday or Sunday, they’d have two full days together.She could just take a separate flight home from the team, and fly Christy back to Texas on Sunday night. Simple enough. She booked the flight and then FaceTimed her girlfriend. 

“Hey,” Christy answered, sounding a bit confused.It was late, and they had already FaceTimed that evening, before saying goodnight to each other. It wasn’t typical for them to FaceTime time again at almost midnight when Christy had work the next morning. “What’s up, babe?”

“Nothing.I just missed you.Alanna paused, unsure.  “So...what are you doing this weekend?” she asked hopefully. 

“Not much, just going to the Dash game Saturday.”

Alanna froze. “Dash. As in Houston Dash?” she asked, trying to stay calm, but not doing a good job of it. “Wow.”There was a long pause. “Why?”

“Why?”Christy sounded genuinely confused. “Because I have season tickets?”

Alanna half-laughed, trying to cover up the feelings swirling inside her.“You have season tickets. To the team my ex plays for.Bloody hell.”

“I love soccer. I believe in supporting the NWSL.Houston’s the only team close enough for me to do that.”Alanna didn’t say anything, but her face said it all. After a few moments, Christy continued, not liking the awkward silence. “Lans, come on. I had no way of knowing that the universe would lead me to you when I got season tickets. You have to know that this has nothing to do with Kyah.”

“Right. I’m sure there’s some other reason why you didn’t tell me about this.Go to your game. Have a great time.”Alanna ended the call.She dropped her phone on the bed next to her and buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t even process why she was really mad. Everything just came to a head, her uncertainty, her anxiety, her scars.Her phone buzzed. She looked down to see the picture she had taken with Christy after the game, with Christy wearing her jersey. She couldn’t help it; she answered.But she didn’t say anything. For good measure.

Christy was silent for a minute. “I don’t mean to bother you if you don’t want to talk to me right now,” she choked out, “but I just need to know if you’re the kind of person who hangs up because you need time, or if you’re the kind of person who hangs up to see if your girlfriend cares enough to call you back.”

“I answered, didn’t I?” Lindsey muttered.

“Ok then. Just listen to me.Please. I don’t have to go to the game.Seriously, it’s not that big of a deal. I had no intention of upsetting you.”

“No, go. You want to go. Don’t let me stop you.” Alanna was still angry. 

“Lans,” Christy let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not going. I’m not doing anything that will hurt you. I love soccer, but I lo—.”She cut off her sentence, obviously realizing what she was about to say. 

Alanna couldn’t believe her ears. “What?” she asked quietly.

“Nothing,” Christy mumbled.

“Say it. Finish your sentence,” Alanna pleaded. “Please.At least if you meant what you were about to say.”

Christy swallowed hard. There was a very long pause on the line. “I was going to say that I love you more. I love you more than going to a stupid game. I love you, Lans. I’ve known since that evening we sat on the hill watching the sunset and I touched your hand. Being with you feels more right than anything I’ve ever had in my life. I know this sounds cheesy, but I’ve always believed that soulmates exist. That at some point in your life you cross paths with someone and you know. You just _know_. That’s what happened when I met you.”

“Why didn’t you say something before?”  Alanna asked trying to hide the shakiness in her voice that would give away the tearsforming in her eyes. 

“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” Christy replied. She sounded like she was starting to cry too.

“That makes absolutely no sense at all.”

“It does,” Christy said quietly. “How will we ever work?This, it’s just not realistic. There’s about to be a whole fucking ocean between us. I think we both know that. And we’re just setting ourselves up for hurt. Admitting I love you?It’s just going to mean we both have our hearts broken. I mean, my heart was going to be broken regardless of whether I said it aloud or not, but I was trying to spare you at least.”

Alanna’s thoughts were racing through her head now;_ the game was the farthest thing from her mind. She’s in love with me. She really was all in, just like she told Kayla that night. She’s convinced it’s not going to work and yet... she’s still here, willing to let her heart get broken. But if she’s not sure, how can I be? What if she’s right?I can’t get my heart broken again. I cant handle it. But my heart would have been broken even if she never said it. There’s no way she can know for sure this won’t work. No one knows. I love her. So much. I have to tell her. I can’t tell her._

Christy interrupted her thoughts again.“Say something, baby.Anything. Just say _something_.”

She needed to tell Christy how she felt.She needed to say it back. But she couldn’t; the words wouldn’t form on her lips. She was in tears.She panicked, not knowing what else to do except change the subject. “I was calling you earlier to see if you wanted to meet me in Washington on Friday,” she finally managed to say.“I just thought, since I can’t play, we could watch from the box together, and we’re not training on Saturday or Sunday this week...” her voice trailed off._God, that was lame!_

“Babe.” Christy sounded tired. But maybe it was sad. “We can’t do this every weekend. I miss you too, but at some point, we’re going to have to get used to spending time apart. Otherwise, what will we do when you go back home?And this has nothing to do with the game.I’m not going to it.”

“I think that’s ridiculous. We should spend as much time as we can together before I have to go back. What if I come to you? I can come Friday. I don’t have to be at the game. Unless you don’t want to see me,” she said, suddenly unsure.

“Of course I want to see you.I wish I could see you everyday.”

“Then it’s settled.I’m coming to you.And we’ll go to the game together.” 

“Woah...no.We are NOT going to that game together. That’s crazy.”

“Why not?” Alanna questioned._Subject successfully changed. No more tears. _

“Um, because my seats are front row behind the Dash bench and I’m not really about your ex seeing us?”

“I’ll get Polks to get us a box then,” Alanna said matter-of-factly.“But I’m sure Kyah knows I’m seeing someone.She’s probably seen my insta by now.” 

“But Clare’s not even here.And there’s no way the Dash are going to let a known enemy in a box to scout their game.”

Alanna assured Christy that it would be fineuntil Christy relented and agreed to Alanna’s plan, but not before she told Alanna one more time that it was all a very bad idea. She knew Kyah would find out. Alanna wasn’t bothered by it though; what could Kyah do about it anyway?She cancelled Christy’s flight and booked her own.“Two days,” she said to Christy, a smile back in her voice. “I like the sound of that a lot better, don’t you?” 

Christy was pretty quiet but she admitted she was happy about Alanna coming to spend the weekend with her. They said goodnight and hung up, again, without addressing the elephant in the room. 

Alanna laid down on her pillow, torn. She was so happy, so relieved, but at the same time, wracked with guilt because she knew what Christy was feeling right now. And, it was her fault. She wanted to kick herself for not saying it back, wanted to understand _why_ she couldn’t say it back. She stared at the ceiling for a long time before sitting up to send a quick email to the team travel coordinator, letting him know that she had decided against traveling with the team to Washington the following afternoon.She seriously thought about calling Christy back to tell her how she felt, but she just couldn’t do it. The last time she had said “I love you” to someone, the only time she had been vulnerable like that, it had almost destroyed her. 


	23. Could You Love Me Anyway?

**2019.08.15**

* * *

  
After not being able to fall asleep for twenty minutes, Alanna rolled over and picked up her phone. She opened their shared playlist on Spotify and saw that Christy was adding songs to it right before her eyes, a mixture of songs showing her pain and reaffirming that she really did love Alanna. Alanna added a song too - Could You Love Me Anyway - trying to express to Christy that it wasn’t that she _didn’t_ love her too, but that she was scared. She was scared that she would push Christy away, scared that she was too damaged, scared that the distance would be too much. She didn’t know if Christy would even notice the addition. She started to drift off to sleep, listening to their playlist, but the familiar ding of her phone snapped her back awake. It was Christy and she had texted one single word - Yes - an answer to the question Alanna had posed in the form of a song, because that was easier. Christy had seen it after all. Alanna felt some of the pressure on her chest lift, but still felt sick to her stomach over the fact that they had ended their call like that.  
When Alanna woke a few minutes before 6:30 the following morning, she didn’t feel rested at all. She had tossed and turned all night, worried about her relationship. She laid in bed knowing Christy would call soon; coffee would have to wait. But 6:30 came and went without a phone call. Christy had called Alanna at 6:30 on the dot to wake her up every morning that they had been apart since Alanna came back to Florida. Alanna felt a knot forming in her stomach as a wave of helplessness washed over her. Her phone finally buzzed at 6:44. Christy’s tired voice on the other end of the line let her finally breathe normally again as her fear turned to relief.  
“Hey. Sorry. I hit snooze a couple of times. Guess I’m tired this morning,” was Christy’s feeble explanation. Her voice sounded so flat and distant to Alanna, but she tried to reassure Christy that it was ok. There was a long, awkward silence on the line before Christy finally made an attempt at conversation. “So the team travels today? And it’s ok that you’re not going?”  
“Yeah, they do. And yes, it’s ok. I couldn’t sit with them on the bench anyway,” Alanna responded. Then, trying to sound cheerful, she added, “And I get to see you tomorrow!”  
“I can’t wait,” Christy said. But there was something in her voice that was different. It was more upbeat now, but she didn’t sound like herself; she didn’t sound genuine. And, it was almost like she realized it, because she rushed to add, “I’m really glad you’re coming!” But that was it. Christy didn’t really have much to say and Alanna felt awkward given the situation. It didn’t seem like something they’d be discussing on the phone again. Finally, Christy put an end to the call, explaining that she needed to get going and make her kids breakfast before school. She assured Alanna they’d talk later, but she sounded so tense as she said goodbye.  
Alanna got out of bed and made herself coffee. Not knowing what else to do since Em was still asleep, she texted Syd. She knew that Syd would be awake with the kids already, so she asked if she could come over. Sydney didn’t need to know why, and she didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Less than an hour later, Alanna walked through Sydney’s front door without knocking. Dom was out on a run, and had taken Cassius in the jogging stroller. Syd was feeding Roux. Alanna plopped down on the stool across from Sydney at her kitchen island, arms on the counter, head buried in her arms. “What happened?” Syd asked in a voice that hinted she already knew something was wrong before Alanna even arrived, even if she didn’t know what it was.  
Alanna sat halfway up and rubbed her face. “Ahhhh, Syd. I messed up. Bad.” Sydney just stared across the counter, waiting for Alanna to continue. After a moment, the words tumbled from Alanna’s lips. “She told me she loves me, and I froze. I didn’t say anything back. And I know she’s upset and now I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t just go back and be like ‘I love you, too.’ I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just say it back?”  
“Ok, first of all, there’s nothing wrong with you, babe,” Sydney assured Alanna. “But I don’t get it. The way you talk about her - I thought you were in love with her. And you were so disappointed after her last visit that she hadn’t said it. What gives?”  
“I _am_ in love with her. And you’re right, I’ve been dying to know if she loves me too. But, it just kinda...slipped out? Maybe she didn’t mean it...” Alanna’s voice trailed off.  
“Tell me exactly how it went down,” Syd asked, getting up to make both of them a cup of tea while Alanna relayed her conversation from the night before. She explained how upset she had been about the Dash game and that she thought Christy didn’t really mean that she was in love with Alanna when she said she loved her more than she loved soccer. After she finished, Sydney reached across the island and took her hand, squeezing it. “Lani,” she said sympathetically, “why do you doubt that she meant it?”  
Alanna sighed and put her head back down. “I just don’t understand why she’d be in love with me. I don’t bring anything to the table. She’s such a good person, she’s so good to me. She deserves better.”  
“Better than what?!” Sydney asked, incredulous. “Better than you? Don’t tell me that you don’t think you’re good enough for her. Is that what this is about?” Tears quietly spilled from Alanna’s eyes and slipped down her cheeks. Syd got up and put Roux in her swing, laying her down carefully so as not to wake her. She came back and put her arm around Alanna, and Alanna leaned on her shoulder. “As your work wife, I think I am qualified to say this - you are one of the best humans I’ve ever met. Let her take care of you. You deserve that.” Alanna pulled away and looked at Sydney just long enough for Sydney to see the pain and doubt in her eyes. “Oh... you don’t think you deserve that. That’s the problem. Kyah strikes again.”  
“Why do you know me so well?” Alanna mumbled.  
“Because I’m your work wife! I should know you better than anyone else. But also because I’ve been there. When I met Dom, I was in your shoes. Out of a bad relationship. Felt like I didn’t deserve happiness. So when Dom would do things to try to show me that he loved me, I would just push him away. But he kept on loving me, I mean I can’t blame him, I’m pretty amazing, but he just loved me through it until he changed my mindset and I saw myself through his eyes instead of through my ex’s eyes. I think if you can start to see yourself how she sees you, it might help. In the couple of hours I spent with her at the game, it was so obvious that she’s head over heels for you and that she thinks the world of you. Oh my God! She’s going to replace me one day!” Sydney cried in loud whisper, trying not to wake Roux with her realization.  
“Nah, I can have a wife and a work wife,” Alanna joked. “She’s not the jealous type,” she added, wiping away her tears.  
“Good. Because now that Dom’s ok with it, I would hate for her to put an end to us! But seriously girl, you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I need you to believe that.” At that moment, Roux started fussing in her swing. “Ugh!” Sydney muttered, banging her head on the counter. “I was hoping she’d stay asleep longer so you could tell me all about the sex you two are having. I gotta live vicariously through you for now!” Alanna laughed and shook her head, getting up to get Roux out of her swing. She shushed her and bounced her, walking around the kitchen as Roux calmed down. Alanna had been one of the first ones on the team to meet Roux after she was born, and having been around her own niece and nephews, she was a natural with babies. “You look good with a baby in your arms,” Sydney joked.  
Alanna laughed again, but truthfully, for the first time ever, she was starting to think about what it would be like to have a child. “So, how do I get her to forgive me?” she asked, changing the subject. “Because I’m going to see her tomorrow and I just think it’s going to be awkward.”  
Sydney suggested that Alanna change her flight and surprise Christy by flying in today. It was a nice thought, but Christy still had her kids until Friday morning, and Alanna didn’t want to interrupt that time. But Sydney’s next suggestion was both practical and cute. “You know how when you get off the flight, there are people with signs for whoever they’re picking up, right?” Alanna nodded. “What if you make a sign for her instead of the other way around? So like, when you walk out to wherever she’s waiting, you have a sign that says ‘I love you,’ or something like that?”  
“I can’t tell her I love her by writing it on a sign!” Alanna complained. “But maybe you’re onto something.” She handed Roux to Sydney and raided Cassius’ art supplied to get started on her sign for Christy.

  
“Us” Playlist  
1\. 1950 - King Princess (A)  
2\. Secret Love Song, Pt. II - Little Mix (A)  
3\. Delicate - Taylor Swift (C)  
4\. Peer Pressure - James Bay/Julia Michaels (C)  
5\. Power Over Me - Dermont Kennedy (C)

6\. Photograph - Boyce Avenue/Bea Miller (C)  
7\. All on Me - Devin Dawson (C)  
8\. Lights Down Low - MAX (C)  
9\. Slow Hands - Niall Horan (C)  
10\. My Attic - Pink (C)  
11\. Just the Way You Are (C)  
12\. Someone to You - Banners (C)  
13\. Beyond - Leon Bridges (C)  
14\. Shelter - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
15\. Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontagne (C)  
16\. Last First Kiss - One Direction (C)  
New Songs Added  
17\. Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi (C)  
18\. Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran (C)  
19\. 90 Days - Pink ft. Wrabel (C)  
20\. The One - Matt Johnson (C)  
21\. Love Me Anyway - Pink ft. Chris Stapleton (A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Us” Playlist  
1\. 1950 - King Princess (A)  
2\. Secret Love Song, Pt. II - Little Mix (A)  
3\. Delicate - Taylor Swift (C)  
4\. Peer Pressure - James Bay/Julia Michaels (C)  
5\. Power Over Me - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
6\. Photograph - Boyce Avenue/Bea Miller (C)  
7\. All on Me - Devin Dawson (C)  
8\. Lights Down Low - MAX (C)  
9\. Slow Hands - Niall Horan (C)  
10\. My Attic - Pink (C)  
11\. Just the Way You Are (C)  
12\. Someone to You - Banners (C)  
13\. Beyond - Leon Bridges (C)  
14\. Shelter - Dermont Kennedy (C)  
15\. Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontagne (C)  
16\. Last First Kiss - One Direction (C)
> 
> New Songs Added  
17\. Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi (C)  
18\. Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran (C)  
19\. 90 Days - Pink ft. Wrabel (C)  
20\. The One - Matt Johnson (C)  
21\. Love Me Anyway-Pink ft. Chris Stapleton (A)


	24. 983 Miles

** 2019.08.16 **

* * *

The plane landed on the runway, jolting Alanna awake. For a split second, it didn’t register where she was; she had tossed and turned the night before, not sleeping much because of the nerves, so she had slept hard on the plane. Alanna turned flight mode off on her phone, and texted Christy. “Hey, darls.I’m here.Meet me at baggage claim?”

The reply came back immediately. “Already here waiting  😀 ” Christy’s text calmed Alanna’s nerves, but just a bit. She grabbed her backpack and disembarked the plane, first stopping in the restroom to take off her sweatshirt and fix her hair, and then on a bench to get the small poster she had made out of her bag. Taking a deep breath, she headed down the escalator to baggage claim.

From across the way, Alanna saw Christy.She was leaning against the wall near a baggage carousel, still in her work clothes. She looked like a power lesbian in her light pink pin striped button up tucked into gray slacks. She was hot. Suddenly, Alanna felt underdressed for the occasion, wearing cutoffs and a strappy camo tank with Nikes.But, she knew she looked good in those short shorts and the top that showed off her tan shoulders. Christy would appreciate it. She took another deep breath and headed towards her girlfriend, holding the poster.When she was about 20 yards away, Christy saw her, their eyes meeting. Alanna saw her face turn from excited to confused as she saw the poster. She squinted, trying to read it. Finally, Alanna was close enough for Christy to make out the words. Her eyes flickered from Alanna’s to the sign and back as Alanna stopped in front of her.The sign read “**_I flew 983 miles because there’s something to tell my girlfriend in person_**.”

Christy looked up at Alanna, her head cocked to one side. Alanna could tell that she was confused, the meaning of the sign not registering. Alanna let go of the sign with one hand and moved towards Christy, taking Christy left hand in her right. “What- what did you need to tell me?” Christy stammered, her voice barely audible above the clamor of the airport.Alanna realized in that moment that Christy was still so unsure, so worried, still not convinced even by a colorful poster that it was good news. 

Alanna stepped as close to Christy as she could and looked into her eyes. She had to say it now, no matter how scared of the future she was. “I love you,” she whispered, her voice low and raspy. “I’m _in_ love with you.You are everything to me.” She leaned in and kissed Christy softly, then let her lips linger, barely touching her girlfriend’s.She pressed her forehead into Christy’s, closing her eyes, full of regret, shame, sorrow. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to be able to say that. But I love you _so, so_ much.”She pulled back slightly to look at Christy, and was met with two teary hazel eyes. 

“Its ok. I love you, too,” Christy’s voice cracked. She wrapped her arms around Alanna’s shoulders, pulling her in tight for a long hug, and buried her face in Alanna’s shoulder.Alanna felt Christy shudder as a few tears finally fell from her eyes. The two were oblivious to the hustle and bustle around them.Finally, Christy let go of Alanna and took a half step back. Alanna saw her dimpled smile, which brought her even more relief. “That sign is so cute,” she said happily.“Lemme take a picture of you holding it.”

As Christy took a photo of Alanna, a  woman in her mid-60s approached them. “I don’t mean to intrude, but would you like me to take the picture so you can both be in it?” she asked politely.The two women gladly accepted, and Alanna snuck in a couple of kisses on Christy’s cheek.They thanked the stranger, and Christy grabbed Alanna’s bag, teasing her for needing a large piece of luggage for a weekend trip. They headed out of the airport hand in hand.When they reached Christy’s car, Christy headed around to the passenger side,but instead of opening the door for Alanna, she pushed her up against the car kissing her with a fiery passion that quelled any lingering doubts Alanna had about the status of their relationship.She felt a shiver run through her body as Christy’s fingertips brushed the outside of her thighs just below her shorts.

Alanna broke away to whisper in Christy’s ear.“You’re so fucking hot in that fit.Please tell me we have some time before our dinner reservation.” 

Christy nodded.“Maybe a little.”

“Take me home,” she murmured seductively as she nibbled on Christy’s ear. Christy happily complied. 

* * *

Inside Christy’s house, their make out session progressed with an intensity that was new to them, as if all inhibitions had disappeared now that they were both able to be completely open with and trusting of each other.Christy led Alanna towards the couch as Alanna fumbled to unbutton Christy’s blouse, letting it fall off of her shoulders. Continuing towards the couch, Christy kicked off her shoes as Alanna unbuttoned Christy’s pants and slid them down. 

Now nearly naked, Christy pulled Alanna down onto the couch on top of her. Alanna straddled Christy, her hands grabbing at Christy’s breasts only briefly before she pulled Christy towards her and unhooked her bra.Her hands immediately went back to Christy’s breasts, before Christy interrupted Alanna to lift her shirt and bra over her head. Alanna kissed Christy’s shoulder as Christy worked Alanna’s shorts and underwear off. 

And then Christy’s fingers were inside of her, neither woman patient enough for any more foreplay. Alanna was already so wet that they slid in easily. The feeling of her girlfriend inside of her immediately elicited a loud “Fuck!” as Alanna wrapped her arms around Christy’s head, pulling Christy into her breasts. Christy’s mouth found one of Alanna’s nipples, sucking hard on it as Alanna continued to ride Christy’s fingers. Alanna’s moans grew louder until she threw back her head and let out one final loud cry as she came. After five days away from her girlfriend, the release Alanna felt from the orgasm was incredible. 

But before she knew it, Christy had flipped places with Alanna, leaning her back against the couch as she dropped to her knees on the floor between Alanna’s legs. She slowly ran her fingers up Alanna’s legs, from her ankles to her thighs, gently lifting each leg over her shoulder as she kissed Alanna’s inner thighs softly. She was taking her time now, giving Alanna a chance to recover. Christy’s hands found Alanna’s hips, as she pulled Alanna farther down the couch towards her.Her tongue went straight to Alanna’s clit, flicking it up and down in short, intense strokes. Alanna wanted more immediately.She grabbed Christy’s head and pulled her in so Christy had no choice but to lick harder with the full flat surface of her tongue.Alanna didn’t last long this time either. She came again and Christy lapped up her juices.Alanna pulled Christy up towards her, Christy now straddling her as Alanna pulled on Christy’s lower lip with her teeth and then slid her tongue into Christy’s mouth.Alanna’s hands found Christy’s ass, grabbing it. “I want to fuck you, Chris,” she begged. 

Christy kissed her one final time before pushing herself up off Alanna.“Tonight,” she promised, offering her hand to help Alanna up. As soon as Alanna took it, she tried to pull Christy back down on top of her.Christy braced herself and stood her ground.Alanna finally gave in and let Christy pull her up, but immediately wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and began kissing her again. “Go shower and change,” Christy said, smiling as she patted Alanna’s butt a couple of times. 

“Fine,” Alanna pouted, sulking away. “But when you see what I brought to wear to dinner tonight, you’re going to want to cancel that reservation.”

* * *

Alanna wasn’t wrong. Just under an hour later, she came out of the bedroom wearing a skintight sleeveless black dress with a high neckline. Her hair was in an updo and she had dangly earrings on. She leaned against the doorway, waiting for her girlfriend to notice her. Christy’s eyes sparkled as soon as she saw Alanna.Alanna was beginning to appreciate not getting dressed for a date in the same room as her girlfriend after all. Seeing Christy’s face light up was more than worth it. No one had ever looked at her like that before - the adoration, the awe - and it made her feel cherished.Christy’s eyes slowly moved from Alanna’s eyes down, to her breasts, her curves, her thighs, her muscular calves accentuated by her strappy black heels.Christy took in her entire body, appreciating every inch of it. Alanna gave a sultrytwirl for her girlfriend and couldn’t help but smile to herself when she heard a quiet “Fuck,” escape from Christy’s lips. Christy stood and made her way over to her girlfriend, lightly resting her hands on Alanna’s hips. “You are absolutely stunning,” she said, her voice full of amazement. “How did I get so lucky?” 

“Well,” Alanna teased, “this one day, you decided to buy a sad hot chick brekky and a coffee and the rest is history.”

“Best decision of my life,” Christy concluded, eliciting a shy smile from Alanna. “Are you ready to go?” 

Alanna nodded. “But let’s take an Uber so I can get you nice and sloshed so you can’t say no to me when we get home.”

“Babe, in that dress, there is no fucking way I could ever say no to you,” Christy assured her. 

Alanna blushed, “You look pretty hot yourself,” she said, grabbing Christy’s tie and pulling her in for a kiss. 

Christy went ahead and ordered an Uber anyway.A few minutes later, she slid her hand into Alanna’s as they walked out to their ride. When they arrived at the restaurant, she lightly rested her fingertips on Alanna’s lower back, as she led her towards the door. She had asked the restaurant to sprinkle rose petals on the table, and when they were seated, Christy scooted in right up against Alanna in the booth, their legs touching. Her hand didn’t leave Alanna’s thigh the entire meal, and while they were waiting for dessert, Christy brought Alanna’s face towards hers for a kiss. And, she even asked the server to take a picture of them.

Alanna marveled at how far her girlfriend had come over the past month, how open she was so much more open to affection in public, and tonight, it seemed like she didn’t care if the whole restaurant knew they were together. Alanna didn’t know if it was because the restaurant was so dimly lit, because they were no longer in a city where Alanna could be easily recognized, or because Christy was finally adjusting to being public about their relationship because she trusted that it was going to last, but it made Alanna positively giddy. 

* * *

The women finished their meal, closed the check, and headed out into the muggy night. They headed across the street to an upscale bar.Alanna found an empty couch while Christy ordered their drinks.By the time Christy made her way over to her girlfriend, however, a guy was already hitting on her. Christy sat down on the couch next to Alanna, putting her arm around Alanna’s shoulders. “See, I told you I was here with my girlfriend,” Alanna shrugged at the man. “I wasn’t lying.”

“You’re too hot to be a lesbian,” the man retorted, his ignorance on full display.

“She is hot, isn’t she?” Christy shot back as Alanna reached up to hold Christy’s hand that was draped over her shoulder. 

“No way,” the man continued. “No way you scored her.”

“Ok,” Christy dismissed the stranger sitting on the coffee table in front of her. “Believe what you want, dude.But this sexy woman is coming home with me tonight. Just like she comes home to me every night.”The man looked back and forth between the two of them in disbelief. Christy decided it was time to end the conversation once and for all. “Look, just face the fact that a woman’s tongue and fingers are far superior to a man’s dick any day of the week.”Alanna almost spit out her drink trying not to laugh. 

“Fuck you,” the man replied, starting to get up. 

Christy wasn’t about to let it go through, even though the man was about to walk away. “Whatever man, I’ll be fucking her tonight while you’re jacking off to free porn.”He stormed off without another word as Alanna threw her head back in a fit of laughter.“Too much?” Christy wondered aloud.

“Oh my goodness, no,” Alanna replied through her laughter. “It was perfect, just the right amount.” Christy’s newfound assertiveness was turning Alanna on even more. “Finish your drink,” she insisted.“and take me home.”

* * *

Later that night, naked in each other’s arms, after Alanna thought Christy was asleep and she was drifting off herself, she was snapped back awake by Christy’s voice timidly asking “Do you want to post the picture from the airport? It’s too cute not to.You can tag me in it.”

“Really?” Alanna was surprised. To anyone looking at her social media, it would be obvious that Alanna wasn’t single anymore. Besides the coffee shop photo and the one of the flowers Christy had sent, Alanna had sprinkled pictures of Christy’s visit to Orlando into her Insta stories - one of their legs together laying out in the sand, another of them holding hands, but just of their hands, one of Christy from behind when she sported a Kennedy jersey at the Pride game, and one that Em had taken of them in an embrace in the fading Florida sunlight, only the outline of their bodies visible. But she hadn’t tagged Christy in anything, keying in on Christy’s original hesitation, and thinking that maybe she was right about keeping a low profile until they were sure. But now, it seemed that Christy had experienced a shift; she was ready for her face to be public. “Are you sure?” Alanna wanted to know.

“As long as you’re still ok with it, and with everything that will come with it, I am.If you think your ex already knows, then I suppose it won’t hurt. Besides, I love you. I want the  world to know that.”

Alanna rolled over and picked up her phone off the nightstand.She opened Insta and clicked to add a story.She scrolled through her pictures.“How about this one?” she asked, stopping on one that the stranger had taken of her kissing Christy’s cheek. Christy nodded in agreement. She tagged Christy and the airport location then added a heart.Simple. Obvious.

Christy unlocked her phone and shared the story as well. “Well, no going back now,” she laughed nervously. “Hey, Lans, I’m really, really glad you came to visit, and I’m sorry if I was hesitant about it before.You were right,” Christy lamented. “We should spend every moment we can together before you have to go home.”She turned over and draped her arm across her girlfriend’s stomach.

Alanna thought about it for a moment, and then quietly responded, “If only you didn’t have that pesky job to stop you from coming home with me.”


	25. Not Enough Sage In The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super dialogue heavy, sorry! But...Stay with me, even though I don’t update often. We’re getting to the part where things are about to start going wrong.

**2019.08.17**  
  
“I stand by what I said earlier,” Christy said, leaning her had back against the car seat. “We rally, really don’t have to go to this game. We could go home, I could get you naked. Give you a massage, or I have that big bathtub. Anything you want.”

“That’s tempting,” Alanna replied coyly. “But we can’t just stay in bed all the time.”

“I don’t see why not. I thought you missed me,” Christy whined in one final attempt to get out of it. When Alanna just leaned over to give her a peck on the cheek, ignoring her, she added, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, let’s go.” Alanna and Christy walked side by side into the stadium and climbed the short flight of stairs to their box seats, unnoticed. Alanna posted a photo of the stadium from where they were seated, tagging Polks with a thank you. The game was exciting and closely matched, with Carli Lloyd scoring 2 goals to lift Sky Blue to a 2-1 victory over the Dash.

After the game, they slipped out unnoticed as well, Alanna foregoing saying hello to several good friends of hers, including Nairn and Amber, in order to avoid Kyah. She was mainly worried about how Christy would take it if they ran into her, and wanted to be respectful of her feelings considering how anxious she was to come to the game with Alanna in the first place. They headed home, showered (together), and got into bed, each one determined to memorize every part of the other’s naked body before they were separated again. Right as things were beginning to get heated, Alanna’s phone started to buzz, repeatedly, in rapid succession. 

**Kyah**: you’re in Houston?

Who is that? Your new girlfriend?

And youse came to our game tonight?

Bloody hell, Lani. What are you trying 

to do?

Do you want me to be jealous?

Because this is a really shitty way to 

go about it. 

Alanna sighed and tossed her phone over to Christy. After a moment of catching up on the series of texts, Christy’s only response was, “I told you I had a bad feeling about this.” The phone buzzed again.

**Kyah**: I want to see you. When do you head back to Orlando?

“She wants to see you,” Christy said, handing the phone back.

“Oh fuck no,” Alanna replied, rolling over and setting her phone on the nightstand

“Why not? What could it hurt?” Christy asked. 

“What could it hurt?” Alanna is absolutely incredulous. “Ok, yeah, you come with me then.”

“Maybe she just needs closure, Lans,” Christy suggests quietly. 

“She can get closure if she wants. She can meet you and see how much I love you. Ya think that will work for her.”

“Jesus Christ, Alanna. Just go have lunch with her. Without me.”

But it’s too late. Alanna had grabbed her phone and texted Kyah.

**Alanna**: lunch tomorrow. Pick a time and place. We’ll be there. 

And then she added; And contrary to what you think, not everything’s about you. I’m here to visit my _partner,_ who has season tickets to the Dash games. Not to make you jealous.

Alanna had very specifically chosen the word partner to send signal to Kyah.

The ...’s appear. Disappear. Reappear. 

**Kyah**: Field of Greens. 1:00.

Alanna left the message on read. “We’re meeting her for lunch at 1 tomorrow. I told her you’re coming.” She leaned over and gave Christy a long, deep kiss before she could argue, getting back to where they left off.

___________________

“What do you want me to wear to lunch?” Christy asked Alanna, fumbling through her closet. 

“I don’t care, whatever you want,” Alanna replied. 

“You’re making me come with you, you should pick.” Christy sounded slightly annoyed. 

Alanna proceeded to look through Christy’s closet, picking out a shirt and tossing it to her. It read: **Not enough sage in the world for this shit**. Christy took one look at it and threw it back. “Fuck. No. Seriously, Alanna. Stop it.” She was mad now, not just annoyed.

“C’mon, baby, it’s funny.” Alanna wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, nuzzling her neck and swaying with her. She was in nothing but a bra and panties, trying her hardest to get her way, but Christy didn’t find it funny. 

“Then you wear it,” she replied, pulling away and grabbing a different shirt off a hanger. Alanna shrugged. It wasn’t a bad idea. She slipped the shirt over her head and pulled on some ripped jeans. Christy just shook her head.

_____________

They arrived at the restaurant late thanks to Alanna. That was planned as well; she felt like making Kyah wait, and frankly, wanted to spend as little time as possible there, so she started kissing Christy again right when it was time to leave, distracting her for long enough that they would be fashionably late.  In the present, she grabbed Christy’s hand as they neared the door, holding it tight, refusing to let it go. She spotted Kyah at a table in the corner and she pulled Christy behind her through the restaurant.

Kyah looked up from her phone, a pained expression momentarily flashing across her face, before she stood and hugged Alanna, greeting her warmly. She shook Christy’s hand politely. As Kyah sat down, her eyes fell on Alanna’s shirt, but she didn’t say anything. Alanna was glad Kyah had seen it. 

Their lunch was uneventful, albeit slightly awkward. Their conversation centered around catching up on how things were back in Sydney, their struggles with their respective teams, and some basic information about Christy. It was quick, over before Alanna had too much time to get annoyed, and it was surprisingly painless for her. After everything she went through with Kyah, it felt good that she had been able to see her and not have all of those overwhelming emotions and painful memories bubble up to the surface again. To Alanna, it was confirmation not just that she had done the right thing in ending that relationship, but that she was with someone who was right for her now. Besides, if Kyah were to get called into camp during any of the upcoming international breaks, it would be important for Alanna to be able to function around her. 

After everyone had finished their meal, Alanna lied to let Kyah and told her she needed to get going to catch a flight. She walked back to the car hand-in-hand with Christy. “Thank you for making me do that. I I guess I really needed that closure it turns out.” She leaned her head on Christy’s shoulder. “And thank you for coming with me, love. Having you there made it a lot more bearable.” Christy smiled and put her arm around Alanna’s waist. 

They were halfway home when Alanna’s phone buzzed.

**Kyah**: Lani call me.

  
The texts come in a flurry again. 

**Kyah**: I need to see you again before you leave. Without her. Change your flight. Stay one night with me.

She can’t be your type. 

You’re not in love with her. 

I know this is payback for what I did. 

You’ve proven your point.

I’m sorry. 

Give me another chance. 

I love you and I know you love me too.

“Any guesses as to who it is?” Alanna asked, annoyed. Christy stole a glance at her. “I guess I spoke too soon. This was not a productive get-together after all.”

When they got to Christy’s house, Alanna handed her her phone so she could see for herself. “Now what?” she asked. 

Christy shrugged. “I don’t know, babe.”

“I’m just blocking her,” Alanna reasoned.

“Is it that serious?”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it anymore.” Alanna turned her phone off. “I only have a few more hours with you, let’s make the most of it,” she said, dragging Christy into the bedroom and choosing to forget about everything but her girlfriend in that moment.


	26. Down and Out

2019.08.23

  
Alanna had only been home for a couple of days when she decided she needed Christy at her game against the Dash. Kyah’s last flurry of texts had thrown her off, especially because it came so close to when she had to leave her girlfriend. She felt distracted during her last few hours with Christy.And now, Alanna missed her. She was starting to feel anxiety over the upcoming game, and having to be on the field with Kyah. She texted Christy because she knew Christy couldn’t answer the phone right then.

**AK**:Hey darls, I miss you.

**C:** I miss you, too, baby. 

**AK**: I know I just saw you, but can you please come this weekend?I need you here.

**C**: Babe, you know I want to, but I can’t. 

I can’t take more time off of work.

If it were a Saturday game, I would.

**AK:**Chris, I need you.Please.I feel like I can’t do this.

**C:** Is this about Kyah?

**AK**: ... ... ...

**C:** I’ll call you as soon as I’m out of work, ok?

It was about Kyah. Kyah had texted her asking to go out for coffee on Thursday, after the team got into town. It was all starting to make Alanna feel like she couldn’t escape Kyah. 

As soon as Alanna heard Christy’s voice on the phone, she was on the verge of breaking down, and she couldn’t put her finger on why.She had been fine since she started dating Christy, she had been fine seeing Kyah in Houston, and it wasn’t like she hadn’t played against Kyah before, but this time, it felt different.Her asking, almost begging Christy to come, wasn’t near as much about missing her girlfriend as it was about needing support.

But Christy couldn’t come, and the realization of this broke both of their hearts. Christy did her best to reassure Alanna that she would be fine, that it was just another game like any other, but Alanna’s voice made it clear that she was still stressed about the upcoming game. And Christy telling Alanna that she would support any decision she made about having coffee with Kyah didn’t seem to help Alanna’s spirits either. 

They spent more time than normal FaceTiming over the next couple of nights, Alanna finding comfort in that bit of normalcy and escape from worrying about what was to come. But on Thursday after work, all she got from Christy was a text saying something came up and she wouldn’t be able to FaceTime her for a few hours. 

* * *

Alanna tried to pass the time after she had dinner with Em by watching TV, but she really wasn’t paying attention to it at all. It was after 9 now, and she still hadn’t heard from Christy. Emily was vacuuming their apartment and the sound was starting to grate on Alanna.She kept shooting daggers at Emily, to no avail.So when the doorbell rang, Alanna didn’t budge. She figured it was Rachel coming over to see Em and that’s why Em has been cleaning for the past hour. But Em didn’t make a move towards the door either, and Alanna couldn’t decide if it was because she couldn’t hear it over the vacuum or because she wanted Alanna to get the door for her. So Alanna sat there and did nothing.The bell rang a second, and then a third time. Finally Alanna yelled over the noise of the vacuum to get Emily’s attention.“Em!Get the door!”

Emily turned off the vacuum and looked at Alanna, annoyed. “I’m busy.You get it.You haven’t done anything all day.” 

“I don’t feel like it Emily,” Alanna said, her mood worsening. “It’s probably you’re girlfriend, you get it.”

Em shook her head and wrapped the vacuum cleaner cord up, walking down the hall to put it away. The bell rang again. Frustrated, Alanna pushed herself up off of the couch, more to make the noise stop than anything else. 

She opened the door, and her jaw dropped. It was Christy, a bag slung over her shoulder, her eyebrows raised.Alanna couldn’t speak.“It’s _that_ bad that you didn’t even feel like opening the door, huh?” she asked, still standing in the doorway.

There were tears in Alanna’s eyes. “What are you _doing_ here?” she asked in complete disbelief. And then she quickly followed it up with, “You heard all that.”

Christy nodded and stepped forward, wrapping Alanna in a hug so tight she could hardly breathe. But Alanna didn’t mind at all, it was just what she needed. “I just wanted to surprise you, baby.I didn’t mean for you to be this stressed.”She sounded apologetic. 

“It’s ok. You’re here. I can’t believe you’re _really_ here.” Alanna reached down to rub Christy’s cheeks as if she still couldn’t believe it. “Did you chuck a sickie?”

“Don’t worry about work.You said you needed me, so here I am.”Christy stepped inside and saw Em leaning against the wall in the living room. She gave her a nod and a smile. Em winked back.

Alanna turned between the two of them. “You knew about this?” she asked Em in disbelief. 

Em just shrugged.Christy jumped in. “I had to check with her to make sure you would actually be here when I got in tonight.”

“That’s why you’ve been cleaning.”

“Someone had to.You wouldn’t get up off the couch,” Em replied.

Alanna dragged her girlfriend to the couch with her, pulling Christy down next to her. She cuddled into Christy, feeling incredibly blessed to have such an amazing best friend and girlfriend. “Thanks, Em,” she said softly, with a smile. 

“Yep.Going to Rach’s. See ya tomorrow.” 

When Emily left, Alanna took the opportunity to finally kiss Christy, trying to show her how much she appreciated her.“I really can’t believe that you actually came. You’re here.With me. Right now.”

“Yep, and I’m not leaving until Sunday night,” Christy assured her as she wrapped her arm around Alanna.“Look, I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through. I know she hurt you, but I thought you were ok. I thought _we_ were ok.But your voice said otherwise and when I got off the phone with you last night, I just couldn’t do it to you. I need you to know that if you need me, I’ll always be here for you.I love you.”

“I love you, too.But no more surprises.” 

“Oh, c’mon.Why not?” Christy laughed.

“Because you shouldn’t be paying for your flight out here. I should be the one doing that.”

“Whatever,” Christy said, standing up and pulling Alanna to her feet.“I’ll let you make it up to me right now if you really want to.”

* * *

  
Alanna took the field Friday night feeling one hundred times better than she had all week. With Christy by her side, well, up in a box with Syd, but still, close enough, she felt like she could take on the world. Or at least face Kyah.But as soon as the game started, Kyah was talking to her every time they were near each other, trying to get into her head and mentally take her out of the game. 

Christine Narin played the ball through to Kyah in the middle of the park.Kyah sprayed it out wide to Jamia Fields as she made a run down the right side line. Kyah has gotten rid of the ball right before Alanna could step in.“You didn’t ever text me back about coffee. We don’t leave til the arvo, so how about tomorrow morning. Or better yet, come to my hotel tonight. I’ll find a way for us to be alone.”

A few minutes later, Kyah tracked back with Alanna as she made a run into the Dash’s side of the field.“My partner’s here. I’ll be with her tonight. And tomorrow morning.”

The ball went out of bounds and Alanna began jogging back towards Orlando’s defensive third.Kyah pushed up with her.“Give it up, Alanna.You made your point. You’re not in love with her. You’re just trying to make me jealous. I know I stuffed things up.”

They stood, waiting to the ball to be put back in play.“Turns out I didn’t actually know what love was when I was with you. I thought it was love. I was wrong.”

They went up for a header off of the throw.Alanna won it. As they came back to the ground, Kyah tossed out, “You can do better.”

Ashlyn collected the ball and distributed it wide. “Than you? You’re right. I did.She’s kind, and she’s faithful, and she respects me. She’s everything you never were.”

Rachel Daly intercepted the pass and took the ball towards the Pride endline. Carson recovered, but the ball went off of her for a corner. Alanna dropped back into the box to defend.Kyah followed. “Fuck off, Lani.”

“You can go fuck yourself, Ky.And she’s going to fuck me tonight. It’s the best sex of my life.”Alanna knew she should have said it, any of it really. She should have just ignored Kyah every time she opened her mouth, just like she had ignored the last series of texts. But she couldn’t. She was all out of fucks to give. 

Ash collected the ball off of the corner and slung it out to Shelina. As soon as Alanna saw the ball in Ashlyn’s hands, she was sprinting up the field on the counter. Kyah was chasing, but was two steps behind. Shelina saw Alanna on the break.She touched the ball around Kealia and sent a through ball to Alanna just past midfield. Alanna had to slow down a half step to wait on the ball. That was all Kyah needed. As the ball made contact with the instep of Alanna’s right foot, Kyah slid into Alanna’s left ankle, cleats up. 


End file.
